So far, love it! I think Kitamura Haruki is an interesting character (I also feel bad for him, poor guy.) The story concept itself of being able to see but not really interact with your loved ones is intriguing.
The only minor errors are just some tense switches where there shouldn’t be. EX: “‘I ran my fingers through my hair. Inhaling deeply, and exhaling dramatically, I slowly look at Xander…” If it’s present tense, it should be “run.” This only happens a couple times though and sometimes I do that too! It’s just a minor error.
Overall though, I really like the story and am willing to read more. Amazing job, Light!
Thanks for pointing out those mistakes! I try to avoid mixing up present and past tense as much as I possibly can, but I tend to mess up! Thanks for the feedback, and I'm glad you like Haruki! :)
The only minor errors are just some tense switches where there shouldn’t be.
EX: “‘I ran my fingers through my hair. Inhaling deeply, and exhaling dramatically, I slowly look at Xander…” If it’s present tense, it should be “run.” This only happens a couple times though and sometimes I do that too! It’s just a minor error.
Overall though, I really like the story and am willing to read more. Amazing job, Light!