Hi! This is really good so far, I like it a lot! You have one or two very minor errors to work on: try and end dialogue sentences with commas instead of full stops when there's "said" after it (kind of hard to explain, sorry) and you repeat words sometimes or use words you don't need. Don't worry, there's always things that even I need to improve on! ;)
But generally, I really enjoyed this first part! The story idea is intriguing (I quite like dark stories at the moment) and the way you've structured this chapter is really good and was enjoyable for me to read. Keep going! Like it very much so far! :)
But generally, I really enjoyed this first part! The story idea is intriguing (I quite like dark stories at the moment) and the way you've structured this chapter is really good and was enjoyable for me to read. Keep going! Like it very much so far! :)