Comments - Flower Girl

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The Unsuspectful Stone

I'd like to say that this is a fairly interesting concept, a relationahip between two young kids could allow for some very cute moments. But, the outcome wasn't as good. Your characters were one-sided and some things just don't feel realistic. Parts like where the girl is his swinging on the swing, apparently she doesn't talk. So, her just accepting a random kid to play with her doesn't make a lot of sense. Also, parts where the speech connects directly into narration seem unnatural. I'd recommends using: "Her name is x," The teacher said. "be nice to her." Methods like that are easier to understand. Just a tip.

11 years agoReply

WordyKite

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I've had friends tell me that my story was well written, but your comment let me understand the tweaks and fixes I need to do to make this story better. I'm sorry disappointing you, but romance isn't really my thing. Occasionally, I would write little short stories like this to let my romance-reading friends to have fun.

Again, thank you for your comment. I don't think I'll ever change my mistakes, but I'll keep them here so that I can see how much I've grown over the years.

11 years agoReply

The Unsuspectful Stone

@IdeasForAll, Um... no problem, mate. It's just what I do.

11 years agoReply

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