Thank you!  Any and all criticism is helpful so don't be afraid to blast my work xD

@Fridge, oh trust me, you wouldn't want me to do that, lol. For now, I'll just suggest that you may want to consider adding dialog tags to most-- if not all-- of your dialog. This way, it's easier to tell who's talking. For example:

"I have not clue who's talking here,"

"But," lionmouse said helpfully, "I do have an idea of who's talking here. I am."

If you ever want more criticism (or help/advice) on something, feel free to send me a message, by the way :D