Great plot, the indentions aren't necessary here, good structure,though i would break the first paragraph into a couple smaller paragraphs

I've noticed your first paragraph is rather big. Often if talking about something new, start on a new line. Also, the indenting is rather eye straining and also not necessary as another has told you.

My only advice is not to worry about indenting in online fiction writing. It's rarely necessary. :)

You've got a good plot going here, but I will note that I got confused a couple of times since the story tends to sometimes go from third person to first person, especially in the italic parts. I would suggest sticking with third person so it's easier to follow.