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The story was a little hard to get through due to lack of spacing which then looks intimidating to readers and makes sentences confusing.
I would highly recommend spacing each sentence, for, I used to write like this when I first started writing a few months ago.
Keep practicing, you will get better! I saw you mentioned that English isn't your first language. I hadn't even noticed! Your grammar is really good and you seem lke a natural!
Make those few edits and you will be gold! I'd be happy to make the edits for you, though :)