Hi. An interesting read. Some constructive advice:

- Break up your text into smaller paragraphs. 1-6 sentences usually, basically create a new paragraph whenever the topic changes in a little bit.- Change your dialogue tags occasionally so they're at th efront, like this:
Namine squinted her eyes as the light got brighter and the shadow grew in size. "I am not Melina, who are you?"

Instead of always having your dialogue tags at the back, describe their body language first from time to time, then tags are unnecessary.
- Speaking of tags, don't use things like 'groaned' or 'barked' or 'laughed' as a dialogue tag, because they could be taken literally. Said, Asked, and other simple tags are fine.