Well, firstly its not your fault no one controls attractive especially the kind that mystifies us. Dont be too hard on yourself, life gives challenges. Right now just do what you love. Other people may critize you about him, forget them this is what you want and your life, opinions mean nothing. Also most guys arent as organized lol, women are consistant...i dont think he wants to make you cry. We also overthink. Its natural.
I haven't been on this site in months due to just living an adult life and all, busy all the time but i wish i had seen your comments sooner. you really help me with your words, thank you