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Andrew Knight
Love the free verse here, always been a fan of the unstructured structure... I'll be watching for more poetry from you
TheGreatEscaper
To be honest I use free verse mostly because I find it easier to write without pre-existing limitations... but glad to know you like the style!
ArielleChan
This reminds me of the story of Icarus and Daedalus. I felt sadness and at the same time hope while reading this poem because it also reminds me of unfulfilled promises.
TheGreatEscaper
Now that you mention it, I can see the similarities! I'm glad you had an emotional response - it was meant to be a kind of bittersweet thing, I guess. Thanks for reading!
madwoman-with-a-pen
While I can't say I myself can relate to this, it was, nonetheless an incredible poem. The words you use work so well together and paint such a beautiful picture :) However, I'm not sure if this was intentional but I would recommend around the middle when it says 'Like you promised. Like I promise. Like we promise' to use 'promised' for all three, or at least use the same word for them all. If it was intentional and symbolic in a way, then by all means, don't change a word :)
TheGreatEscaper
Thanks!The section in the middle I was a bit undecided about; it sounds and reads nicer when they're all 'promised', but tense then acts up a bit. Although now you mention it, I think I do prefer it when they're all the same - thanks for the suggestion! :)
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