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Comments - Wounded | Penana
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Comments - Wounded
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James Villinger
Interesting concept, I think it could be expanded.

The first section is more telling rather than showing. Even it meant more words, I'd rather read the scene unfold naturally rather than telling someone like it happened years ago.

When the pain increased 1000-fold, they wouldn't know for sure it was exactly 1000. The exaggeration should be more like 'it FELT like it was' 1000-fold.
10 years agoReply
TabbyCat33098
Thank you! The contest had a pretty strict word limit; however, I think you're right, and if I had had the ability when I wrote the story, I definitely would have expanded the first section a little more.
10 years agoReply
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