Hi SILVIA SUTTON! I think this first chapter is really great! I just have some suggestions though. Well, maybe a little more than a few! :)  Maybe develop the characters a little more. The advantage of third person omniscient is that you can show what each character secretly thinks inside. So to add character building, have the characters discuss / think "inside" what they secretly think about themself and the other character(s). However, make sure not to let go of their deepest secrets quite yet, just hint them like the character is being secretive to the narrator and reader, if you know what I mean. Also, try to make the first sentence really memorable, along with the first paragraph. It's what people really remember, what makes people decide to keep reading, along with increasing the tension as time goes on. Lastly, instead of explaining how Riley is betrothed to Liam, have that be explained in the second chapter and just let Riley and Drake have a good time for a night. Keep us in the dark for a little to make it mysterious and suspenseful to keep us reading. Despite, it's going along great so far though! Looking forward to read more. Hope this helped! :)))

sasha delphine


Btw, I'm currently focusing on writing If I Tried. Feel free to check it out!