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Comments - 《菜鳥死神少女：貝兒薇絲求生日記》 | Penana
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Comments - 《菜鳥死神少女：貝兒薇絲求生日記》
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北海沙丁魚
竟然是第一人稱嗎，但感覺用了第三人稱的鏡頭
（例如主角其實不會看到自己腰間的牌子，鏡頭帶到就很突兀）

其實把自己當成主角去寫，看到什麼寫什麼就好。甚至可以直接自我介紹也無所謂🤓
可以看一些第一人稱的日本輕小說參考
（第一人稱是讀者會放大檢視的類型，所以稍微建議一下，要素是有趣的）

還有我發現有些標點符號是半型，要不要找時間改一下🤣
5 days agoReply
Shanye
欸，真的欸感謝建議，很有幫助👍，

鏡頭方面我會再思考思考，去改一下，拍謝因為還不太會用回應的比較晚
3 days agoReply
大秦書說人
差點死掉之後還要去試煉啊，新的危險😱
1 week agoReply
Shanye
可能是被試煉救了一命🤣
1 week agoReply
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