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Comments - 神權竊賊 | Penana
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Comments - 神權竊賊
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髒髒魚兒游啊游
最後那幾段好多蘇赫啊！這是深怕讀這不知道這些事情發身在誰身上嗎？ XD

記得善用人稱代詞，只要邏輯通順，對話或者態度夠鮮明，讀者是能分辨得出來誰是誰的，更何況是全用來描寫蘇赫狀態的語句。
3 months agoReply
弍拾壹
我也發現我前面幾章贅字太多了 後面幾張會盡量減少 感謝你
3 months agoReply
髒髒魚兒游啊游
能意識到自己的問題是好事，這樣才能進步。雖然只有一部連載中作品的我沒什麼資格去批評太多，但是也歡迎你來看看我的作品，說不定也能看出我沒注意到的問題，請多指教！
3 months agoReply
弍拾壹
@髒髒魚兒游啊游,感謝大佬指教！
3 months agoReply
髒髒魚兒游啊游
不佬不佬，一點都不佬，我也只是剛來沒幾年的新人罷了。
3 months agoReply
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