The way you write is very descriptive, and that's a good thing! However, please do refrain from making the paragraphs too long, the readers need some time to digest things.
You don't have a lot of grammar mistakes, but you do have some trouble in putting in interest. How you say, the way you construct the words seems a bit plain. Something you need to work on.
Other than that, the flow of the story is actually great. Nothing much is out of place.
@Anonymous, I wouldn't say plain per se, it's just that when people read it, it seems a bit boring. However, that can be fixed if you make the sentences less wordy... or overly fancy.
Although, I am impressed that you are able to make sentences such as this. It's not all the time one is able to make things like this and actually make sense.
I'm not one for dark thriller slash horror stories like this but I thought why not give it a read anyway?
So the story is actually good; it's creepy, the plot is on track and doesn't seem too hasty, the girl's character were laid out nicely too in terms of the 3 elements of why was she there, what will she do and what happened to her. There's just a couple of things that I spotted, that is on the first paragraph during this part:
"There were no furnitures, there were no windows, there was a wooden door."
Perhaps you could say "There were no furnitures, no windows, but there was a wooden door" just to smooth it out? Just a suggestion.
And another is that I think you could do well with breaking some parts into different sections or paragraphs so the readers can follow with the suspense and emotions that the character exude. For example, at the "Panic and fear began engulfing her as she came to her realisation. She has been kidnapped."
Perhaps bringing the "She has been kidnapped" to another section, which shows her realisation in a definite way (if that even makes sense). These are just my opinions and suggestions, though.
On another note, your writing is good and the story, in my opinion is well written so keep it up :)
You don't have a lot of grammar mistakes, but you do have some trouble in putting in interest. How you say, the way you construct the words seems a bit plain. Something you need to work on.
Other than that, the flow of the story is actually great. Nothing much is out of place.
Good job! \( ^ 0 ^ )/
Although, I am impressed that you are able to make sentences such as this. It's not all the time one is able to make things like this and actually make sense.
So the story is actually good; it's creepy, the plot is on track and doesn't seem too hasty, the girl's character were laid out nicely too in terms of the 3 elements of why was she there, what will she do and what happened to her. There's just a couple of things that I spotted, that is on the first paragraph during this part:
"There were no furnitures, there were no windows, there was a wooden door."
Perhaps you could say "There were no furnitures, no windows, but there was a wooden door" just to smooth it out? Just a suggestion.
And another is that I think you could do well with breaking some parts into different sections or paragraphs so the readers can follow with the suspense and emotions that the character exude. For example, at the "Panic and fear began engulfing her as she came to her realisation. She has been kidnapped."
Perhaps bringing the "She has been kidnapped" to another section, which shows her realisation in a definite way (if that even makes sense). These are just my opinions and suggestions, though.
On another note, your writing is good and the story, in my opinion is well written so keep it up :)