OMG!! the best scene was when Jeremy said " U can't even speak to me right now"! I was like WTH is happening. I must say this story has best suspense and mystery.....
Amazing first chapter! You painted such a vibrant, almost cinematic picture, (felt like I was right there in the middle of it all) and Jeremy's transformation? Nice! Now, I'm no expert writer like you, but there were a couple of things I think could be tweaked a bit: -In the heat of the action, the dialogue got a tad confusing. Clarifying who's saying what could make it even better.-The chapter did feel a bit on the longer side. Trimming it down a bit could help keep the pace up.
But hey, I'm seriously hooked by the end! Eagerly waiting to see where this goes next. Overall, you're doing an amazing job , keep rocking it!
Thank You so so much! I do feel its a bit on the longer side i was wondering how i would cut it down a bit, but im glad you liked it overall! Im no expert and ill make sure the conversation flows better i have a hard time with diolog in general. 🍬🍬🍬🍬🍬
Now, I'm no expert writer like you, but there were a couple of things I think could be tweaked a bit:
-In the heat of the action, the dialogue got a tad confusing. Clarifying who's saying what could make it even better.-The chapter did feel a bit on the longer side. Trimming it down a bit could help keep the pace up.
But hey, I'm seriously hooked by the end! Eagerly waiting to see where this goes next. Overall, you're doing an amazing job , keep rocking it!