■ To much of , instead of . ■ To much of character names Using only character names in a story can make the narrative feel disconnected and impersonal. It can be difficult for readers to engage with the characters and understand their emotions, motivations, and relationships solely through their names. Without additional descriptions or context, the story may lack depth and fail to create a strong connection between the reader and the characters. Additionally, using only character names can lead to confusion, especially if there are multiple characters with similar or ambiguous names. Providing additional details and using a variety of narrative techniques can enhance the reader's experience and make the story more immersive and engaging. ■ I notice there's none English words in this story. If you using words that's not English put the English meaning in opening curly "{" and closing curly "}" that way people could understand what it means ■ Spelling error: genersl to general
Conclusion: good story bases it kinda reminds me of shield hero. There's where many problems with this like I said there's to much of this "," and less of this "." Only use , when you are listing stuff or indict stop E.g: "You there, what are you doing?" Pacing and Characters that lack any connection to the reader was also a problem. The best thing for this is MRU unit writing style It helps to develop characters and slow down the quicken pacing. MRU unit Motivation: Tell what's going on be the narrator >> Feeling: Tell how the character feels about a situation or person >> Reflex thought/thought: Give a point of view thought from the character perspective. It can be either: Someone, Something, or How they feel about a situation. >> Action: Give your character dialogue by making them speak. All characters should have a voice so let it be heard (Bonuse MRU unit only for fight scene) : Explanation: Make your viewers understand what's going on with fight or special attack, Explain the fight.
Thanks for the review. Btw if you liked it and continue reading it another more rounded review (for story, plot, and charachter development) would also be helpful
@johny, I am working on reviewing the book chapter by chapter, providing my insights and suggestions to help the author revise and improve their work. This will ensure that the story is enhanced for future readers.
然後按「加至主畫面」
■ To much of character names
Using only character names in a story can make the narrative feel disconnected and impersonal. It can be difficult for readers to engage with the characters and understand their emotions, motivations, and relationships solely through their names. Without additional descriptions or context, the story may lack depth and fail to create a strong connection between the reader and the characters. Additionally, using only character names can lead to confusion, especially if there are multiple characters with similar or ambiguous names. Providing additional details and using a variety of narrative techniques can enhance the reader's experience and make the story more immersive and engaging.
■ I notice there's none English words in this story. If you using words that's not English put the English meaning in opening curly "{" and closing curly "}" that way people could understand what it means
■ Spelling error: genersl to general
Conclusion: good story bases it kinda reminds me of shield hero.
There's where many problems with this like I said there's to much of this "," and less of this "." Only use , when you are listing stuff or indict stop
E.g: "You there, what are you doing?"
Pacing and Characters that lack any connection to the reader was also a problem. The best thing for this is MRU unit writing style
It helps to develop characters and slow down the quicken pacing.
MRU unit
Motivation: Tell what's going on be the narrator >> Feeling: Tell how the character feels about a situation or person >> Reflex thought/thought: Give a point of view thought from the character perspective. It can be either: Someone, Something, or How they feel about a situation. >> Action: Give your character dialogue by making them speak. All characters should have a voice so let it be heard
(Bonuse MRU unit only for fight scene) : Explanation: Make your viewers understand what's going on with fight or special attack, Explain the fight.