Welp... That took quite the unexpected, dark twist at the end. I have to say Sm1ley, you're writing is leagues beyond what mine was at your age. I'm seriously impressed. If you keep at it and continue practicing your writing craft, I seriously believe you'll become a knock-out author in no time.
Areas I would suggest working on improving would be the proper usage of dialog tags and descriptions. In regards to dialog tags, I noticed a few times when you would start a new paragraph and supply a dialog tag for a character who was still speaking and had already been identified by a dialog tag. The only time you need to supply a dialog tag is when a new person starts talking.
Regardless, I was impressed by how well you were able to convey the story. I had no trouble following the sequence of events, and I felt like the dialog between Joyna and her mother (especially at the beginning when Ash went missing) felt very authentic. Very good job Sm1ley! Don't ever give up on writing. I think you're going to become an amazing author. Just keep at it! :)
Thank You so much!!! (You were the person I’d really hope would read this story, because your writing is so amazing! And I wanted to impress you with this story, even if it was just a little bit)
@2ignature Sm1ley-Face, Well, you certainly accomplished that. :D
I still have the writings I did when I was your age, and the difference in skill levels just with sentence structure alone is impressive. I would have looked up to you as a role model back then, haha! XD
Keep it up, Sm1ley! I telling you, you're a lot better than you think. Trust me. :)
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Areas I would suggest working on improving would be the proper usage of dialog tags and descriptions. In regards to dialog tags, I noticed a few times when you would start a new paragraph and supply a dialog tag for a character who was still speaking and had already been identified by a dialog tag. The only time you need to supply a dialog tag is when a new person starts talking.
Regardless, I was impressed by how well you were able to convey the story. I had no trouble following the sequence of events, and I felt like the dialog between Joyna and her mother (especially at the beginning when Ash went missing) felt very authentic. Very good job Sm1ley! Don't ever give up on writing. I think you're going to become an amazing author. Just keep at it! :)
I still have the writings I did when I was your age, and the difference in skill levels just with sentence structure alone is impressive. I would have looked up to you as a role model back then, haha! XD
Keep it up, Sm1ley! I telling you, you're a lot better than you think. Trust me. :)
"Because of you, Joyna"
'They all answered in union'
PLOT TWIST - love it
I just knew I had to include 2ignature :)