hi! the title was really intriguing and eye-catching. a really good irony, if you ask me. it's also like i was reading a version of confessions of a shop-a-holic. it's fun! however, i saw that your tenses are not completely in sync with your story. try using past or past progressive tenses. it may be overrated but it does wonders. the chapter also is fast-paced to the point that some dialogues between characters are not developed. there are also times when there is a change in dialogue that it was fast without signals. it's like getting whiplash. nevertheless, your chapter is wonderful and i hope my comments will help you instead of discouraging you. i really look forward to Janice's adventures.
p.s. really sorry for the harsh comments. i'll understand if you will go harpy on me.
Well, thanks for the feedback. You're exactly like your username (I'm just kidding). Anyway, I know this story wasn't one of my best works and I really appreciate your criticism . And thanks for being so honest and not sugarcoating anything. I really liked that. P.S: Janice isn't going to have anymore adventures. This was a one shot. Sorry :P
@FilleEcrivé, well thank you, my friend :D. anyway, have you thought of developing this? it has the makings of a great story. it has a certain edge to it, you know.
p.s. if this truly is a oneshot, you really have a gift for frustrating cliff-hangers. it's so amazingly cruel - i LOVE it!
@TheHeartless, well I wrote this as a one shot, but you never know. Perhaps I might develop this into a story someday. But as of today , this is a one shot , so I guess I AM amazingly cruel :D
然後按「加至主畫面」
p.s. really sorry for the harsh comments. i'll understand if you will go harpy on me.
P.S: Janice isn't going to have anymore adventures. This was a one shot. Sorry :P
p.s. if this truly is a oneshot, you really have a gift for frustrating cliff-hangers. it's so amazingly cruel - i LOVE it!