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我也是寫詩的。
斷章、斷續、含糊，帶後到斟酌這個位置，雖然有點意象上的不連貫
但最後的漫不經心，統一了前幾句的意象。有種一氣呵成的感覺！
就是最後兩句是想玩「矛盾」吧，但這矛盾的帶入可以多一點鋪排，然後再留一點餘韻。