Thank you for your entry. :) The track you used is a good choice; it's inspired me to write many times in the past. ;)
This is an interesting piece, I'll give you that. The plotline is intriguing and makes me want to know more, so has great potential.
You have made many basic errors, however. You MUST end every sentences in dialogue with a full stop or comma, not just the speech marks. And there are noticeable grammar errors like "Bring his face closer to mine" and "fear following through me" and "stumbled a few step back." Just remember to ALWAYS PROOFREAD YOUR WORK BEFORE YOU PUBLISH IT. They're just minor things, but it's important to have them under your belt, otherwise readers won't enjoy your story.
But thank you for the entry. Your premise does indeed have promise and I like the way you used the music to express yourself with an intense scene. :)