This is a very nice story! However, a few suggestions:
Capitalization: You need to decide whether you are going to capitalize "love." Personally, I don't know why you would really capitalize it, unless it has some further meaning or significance with reference to this story, but it is your choice as long as you are consistent. Additionally, you don't need to capitalize "happily ever after..." if you want, you can add dashes, like this: "happily-ever-after" to make it look like a singular thing, or put quotes around the whole phrase. You should also capitalize "Prince" because it is a proper title, and whenever you use the pronouns "he" "his" or "him" indicating God, those must be capitalized, too.
Style: Decide if you are going to use "you" or "one." For example, in your story: "She was the most beautiful creature you could ever imagine." and "One would only have to make one small mistake..." Do you see how, in either case, you could use either "one" or "you?" Neither is truly incorrect, though "one" is more professional because it doesn't mean you have to temporarily use 2nd-person, but no matter what you choose you just have to be consistent. Concept:So, here's the thing; you say in the beginning of the story that God had made the angel unable to feel emotions, and that this made her envious of the humans. You see how this is an emotion? If the angel were truly unable to feel, she would not have any qualitative thoughts at all, and least of all feel envy, anger, or doubt--all emotions. To fix it, you might just say that God only disallowed her to feel love.
Random Grammar Mistakes: "...and were God (if God was) not doing anything about it, she would."
"Therefore, it came to her disobeying God and descends (to disobey God and descend)upon Earth."
"Though(But) God had kept a secret from her."
"As soon as the angels(angel's) feet touched the Earth..."
"The days past(passed) like this."
"...that the angel had hid(hidden) from him."
"...the angel was stripped from(of) her wings."
"...a girl with beautiful eyes as her mothers(mother's)..."
"since they had not chosen their fate by(on) their own..."
"...they would have one more year... to make the other Love her(others love them) back."
"If they failed, they would continue as an angel(angels)..."
"...they would be able to see their loved one(ones)."
Anyways, overall a very nice and touching story; I love how tragic and sad yet beautiful it is. Nice work, and I hope this helps:)
然後按「加至主畫面」
Capitalization: You need to decide whether you are going to capitalize "love." Personally, I don't know why you would really capitalize it, unless it has some further meaning or significance with reference to this story, but it is your choice as long as you are consistent. Additionally, you don't need to capitalize "happily ever after..." if you want, you can add dashes, like this: "happily-ever-after" to make it look like a singular thing, or put quotes around the whole phrase. You should also capitalize "Prince" because it is a proper title, and whenever you use the pronouns "he" "his" or "him" indicating God, those must be capitalized, too.
Style: Decide if you are going to use "you" or "one." For example, in your story: "She was the most beautiful creature you could ever imagine." and "One would only have to make one small mistake..." Do you see how, in either case, you could use either "one" or "you?" Neither is truly incorrect, though "one" is more professional because it doesn't mean you have to temporarily use 2nd-person, but no matter what you choose you just have to be consistent.
Concept:So, here's the thing; you say in the beginning of the story that God had made the angel unable to feel emotions, and that this made her envious of the humans. You see how this is an emotion? If the angel were truly unable to feel, she would not have any qualitative thoughts at all, and least of all feel envy, anger, or doubt--all emotions. To fix it, you might just say that God only disallowed her to feel love.
Random Grammar Mistakes: "...and were God (if God was) not doing anything about it, she would."
"Therefore, it came to her disobeying God and descends (to disobey God and descend)upon Earth."
"Though(But) God had kept a secret from her."
"As soon as the angels(angel's) feet touched the Earth..."
"The days past(passed) like this."
"...that the angel had hid(hidden) from him."
"...the angel was stripped from(of) her wings."
"...a girl with beautiful eyes as her mothers(mother's)..."
"since they had not chosen their fate by(on) their own..."
"...they would have one more year... to make the other Love her(others love them) back."
"If they failed, they would continue as an angel(angels)..."
"...they would be able to see their loved one(ones)."
Anyways, overall a very nice and touching story; I love how tragic and sad yet beautiful it is. Nice work, and I hope this helps:)