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![Monos Alba](https://static2.penana.com/fit-in/30x30/images/users/large/18/92/1892626832593ee3e97a6139.38230310-990.png)
Monos Alba![](https://static2.penana.com/img/badges/9.svg)
Awkward sentences, grammar and spelling mistakes aside, this is a fine start. Some parts could use more showing: with some parts you could describe how people feel over just telling us the feelings. This is especially important with our protagonist, Clary. Describing her body language is one way to achieve that. It would make her morning routine more interesting to read and better the pacing with some parts.My first glance at Clary: She's a quirky girl, sometimes to the point of being rude and impulsive. She is very talkative and funny with people she knows, but when placed in a new situation, she keeps to herself. She seems to have a typical not-very-close relationship with her siblings. An interesting character so far, I would like to see her growth in the story.Some other good points are that the dialogue is good and keeps the flow of the story going. You didn't hint at any Fantasy in this chapter, but this leaves it open for any possibility. I have a guess that the school is gonna have some preturnatural stuff going on. Be reviewing next chapter.
9 years agoReply
![ProcrastinatorandLazyBoy](https://static2.penana.com/fit-in/30x30/images/users/large/19/92/1992889345553e73915a7926.20507764-1271.png)
ProcrastinatorandLazyBoy
I agree with the first comment. Few mistakes made, but it's not bad. :-) A beta could clean this all up for you. Can't wait for more. Keep going.
9 years agoReply
![Annie_logan](https://static2.penana.com/fit-in/30x30/images/users/large/13/58/1358324250552559872cada2.34854544-1148.jpeg)
Annie_logan
thank you so much
9 years agoReply
![roseofnoonvale](https://static2.penana.com/fit-in/30x30/images/users/large/18/80/188082361754f75d36622d38.31580413-641.jpeg)
roseofnoonvale![](https://static2.penana.com/img/badges/9.svg)
This has a lot of potential, though it needs editing. There are gramatical errors, punctuation errors, and a few other mistakes that could do with some editing, but there is potential here. May i suggest a beta? And dont forget ending punctuation, you do that often, and it can be a bit of an eye sore. Interested to see what you do with this.
9 years agoReply
![Annie_logan](https://static2.penana.com/fit-in/30x30/images/users/large/13/58/1358324250552559872cada2.34854544-1148.jpeg)
Annie_logan
thanks for your feedback, i'll get right on it
9 years agoReply
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