Comments - Tale of the Antonym of Friendship

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Renee Ames

Wow this was very well written. I made a suggestion correcting some mistakes and things that made it complicated and hard to read, but overall the story is very good. I like the contrast to a mothers natural instinct to love her child. In this instance Hitomi-san hates her child for being born a boy. IT's a very interesting idea and I commend your penmanship. I hope you read my edits, none are meant rude, They are simply to allow the story a little more flow.

4 years agoReply

steiner001

of course I will read them! Thank you for for attention

4 years agoReply

T. S. Stone

Wow, that was... a story. I don't want to say what I'm thinking blatantly, but you did say you wanted your readers to be honest. I didn't really like it.

I didn't like the excessive use of swear words, I think they're really unprofessional and they break the immersion of the story.

I also didn't really like the characters much. I don't think there was much character development or anything to make me like any of them.

I don't really understand the first chapter/issue. I really don't understand how it even relates to the main story. I also think you should have explained more about what the story is about in the story's description.

Also I noticed that you often used big words which is fine, but you often overused them. It would be just fine too use a big word every once in a while, but I think you used then way to often.

I saw that you wrote a lot of the character's dialog in all capitals which I don't think is very proper or professional. I know that you're trying to express some extreme emotions, but writing their dialog in all capitals causes more harm that good because it looks so messy and amateur. Making one word bold (bold not all capital) can help to emphasize on a certain word, but you should never make a huge chunk of text bold or all capitalized.

I'm not used to being so critical of people's work so I'm sorry if this criticism didn't help you, but I tried to explain all my thoughts as well as I could. I hope you can use some of this advice when you work on other stories.

4 years agoReply

Diamond Tinker

@steiner001, me personally, i liked the story. I live for the old tale vibes. And unlike @ T. S.Stone i understood every chapter and every sentence. I also think that your use of words is nessecery. I find that when using swear word in a story it either does one or two things, 1. Gives the characters there character. 2. Gives the story/ character strong emotion. As for the " big words", in my opinion, when i see aurthors use words like this i see intelligence, i can tell that you have a very wide vocabulary. Your story is also very well written. I wouldnt take out anything just switch around a word or two, but thats just me, but other than that i found nothing wrong. I will be looking forward to more chapters and will be sure to let you know if i find something i dislike about it or anything. Keep up the good work.👍@steiner001

4 years agoReply

T. S. Stone

@steiner001, okay then. Don't bother changing anything then, I guess.

4 years agoReply

steiner001

@Diamond Tinker, Thank you so much, pal. I am grateful for your review.

4 years agoReply

steiner001

@T. S. Stone, okay.....but I hope to see you again in the future here, you know! That would make me feel overjoyed!

4 years agoReply

Diamond Tinker

@steiner001, no problem, anytime!!!🙂