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Another thing, check your usage of words. There were a few words that I've never seen before and had to go look up to understand what you meant. Using words like that are great until the reader has to carry a dictionary to figure out what you're saying. One of the words I mean is "irides". Once I looked it up, I understood what you meant, but I think "eyes" would've done just fine. Try avoiding uncommonly used words, it'll help the flow for the reader overall.
Otherwise, I really didn't notice anything glaringly wrong. Your tone and writing style is really nice, by the way. I can't wait to read more! :D