I agree with Azaliea here, it's pretty long for an intro, so stopping it at the song lyric and then opening up a prologue would be the best option. Another thing, check your usage of words. There were a few words that I've never seen before and had to go look up to understand what you meant. Using words like that are great until the reader has to carry a dictionary to figure out what you're saying. One of the words I mean is "irides". Once I looked it up, I understood what you meant, but I think "eyes" would've done just fine. Try avoiding uncommonly used words, it'll help the flow for the reader overall. Otherwise, I really didn't notice anything glaringly wrong. Your tone and writing style is really nice, by the way. I can't wait to read more! :D
@LexiMeghanChase - Thank you for reading and I agree. That intro was way too long. It works much better with the majority of the intro as a prologue in a separate post. I have it all chopped up correctly now. As for the unusual words, I kinda like it that people may need to look something up every once in a while. Makes us smarter in the long run. Plus, with the way my brain works, I have a problem with repetition. It bothers me, so I sometimes find other ways to say something so that I do not keep writing the same word over and over again. I sometimes frustrate myself, but I have to stay at least a little sane right? Thank you again for reading, I hope you check out more and let me know what you think.
Love it so far! Maybe half issue 0 / intro as it's very long. Perhaps stop it after the song quote then make the part afterwards a prologue. Hope that helps:)
@Azaliea - Thank you so much for reading! A thank you for the idea of cutting the intro into a shorter intro and a separate post for the prologue. I hope you keep reading and writing!
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Another thing, check your usage of words. There were a few words that I've never seen before and had to go look up to understand what you meant. Using words like that are great until the reader has to carry a dictionary to figure out what you're saying. One of the words I mean is "irides". Once I looked it up, I understood what you meant, but I think "eyes" would've done just fine. Try avoiding uncommonly used words, it'll help the flow for the reader overall.
Otherwise, I really didn't notice anything glaringly wrong. Your tone and writing style is really nice, by the way. I can't wait to read more! :D