Well written. And I even think you have very good potential. I work in the Writing Service and our team has excellent writing specialists. If you are interested, you could familiarize yourself with examples of their work on the site 
https://www.wiseessays.com/college-essay, and perhaps you will be interested in this field of activity. The work is difficult and responsible, but despite the difficulties and difficulties it brings a lot of pleasure, especially when the student is satisfied and says thank you !

Nice))