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季慈紅著一雙眼坐在車裡看程華縮著脖子下車過街買晚餐。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bhsV1eKXf
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車窗外過節氣氛濃厚，人行道上來來往往的人潮不時淹沒程華的身影。外面雪已經停了好一陣子，雪花被各色燈光渲染成繽紛色彩，上頭站著大大小小的雪人，程華在購買晚餐的餐廳外正有一對小孩在裝飾他們剛堆砌的雪人。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04lZmui8Dl
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往年季慈很愛欣賞眼前的一切，享受街上眾人營造出的沉醉氛圍，今年他本來也可以，現在他只想放空望著程華幫他們兩人採買晚餐的背影。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPL0AZeSZC
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哭過之後感覺好很多，沉積在身體深處的痛楚神奇消失大半，季慈想不起來自己上一次哭泣是什麼時候，是媽媽過世？父親的劈腿？還是吵著要爸爸的時候？時間遙遠到他真的記不清楚了。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NIJWgYBoP
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季慈無力的倚靠在椅背，仔細想起不久前的事有些難為的熱紅了臉。他竟然一股腦的把不曾說出的過去全告訴了程華，甚至因為程華的一句我了解再也忍不住。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUx0vBUm4RB
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程華買好晚餐走回來，朝他揮了揮手，從他的笑容裡看不出任何哀傷，但他記得他說我了解當下語氣裡的無奈與諒解，他閃過一個念頭，是不是跟程華在一起他就不必再羨慕了。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkespIxJaBN
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季慈拉長身體，搶在程華尚未摸到門把前開門。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0PMVwVvao
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程華一面驚喜的說謝謝，一面將晚餐遞給他，跨腳挪臀地坐回駕駛座。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxJ1IwclGR
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「去你家吃？」程華狀似無意的問。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlEtCP293q
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「好。」認識幾個月了季慈從未邀請程華上樓，他盯著程華愉快雀躍的側臉感到有些愧疚，忽然想起他欠程華一個對不起，跟謝謝你。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tWDKL7gGJ
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季慈住在距離公司公車路途約二十來分鐘遠的地方，他掏出鑰匙打開門前還不忘提醒程華：「不好意思，裡面很亂。」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU16RPQ99aI
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程華拎著晚餐站在他背後，滿臉的喜悅，季慈幾乎覺得自己看見他身後搖擺的大尾巴，興奮地像隻勤奮的掃帚。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKMHLm1EaR
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季慈見狀也不好再說什麼，遂打開了門。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgEZDgU5bc
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他先進屋，打開玄關處的燈，在地墊前彎腰脫鞋。「我沒有穿室內拖鞋的習慣，地板我前幾天整理過，不會弄髒腳。」鞋子的鞋帶跟他作對，不小心打了個結，他一面解結，一面說著並聽見程華關上門的聲音。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MGPL07l5p
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等他解開正要站直，程華突然從後方抱了上來。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1q1oWzQzF
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「……今晚讓我留下吧，讓我陪你。」程華的體溫穿透毛衣傳遞過來，牢牢的、緊密的熨燙著他的背，正如他話語間流露出的心憐和溫柔包裹著他。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxgoZdXYdi
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季慈被他的舉動弄得又想哭了，他微微掙扎，無奈程華實在抱得緊，他放棄拒絕程華的溫暖。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hp1hMm1LC
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「好。」程華的手臂收攏得更緊了。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYzzb6arHO
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他們維持同樣的姿勢站在玄關不知道多久，久到季慈的眼淚都縮了回去，連他一向冬天仍然溫熱的手心都冒了汗。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MMltsWMWC
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「……程華？」他拍了拍環在他腰上的手臂，程華動了動用他的腦袋頰蹭著他的背。他說：「這腰果然好抱，手感真好。」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXMc6QLmSo
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「……」季慈不知自己該做何反應，他既錯愕又好笑忍不住問了句：「那屁股跟腿呢？」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WNaXJGxeD
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程華還真認真的回答他：「也都喜歡，可以摸嗎？」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYTqTRvkDb
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「……不可以。」季慈直接往下一蹲，迫使程華鬆開手，起身時順手撈起放在地上的晚餐走進屋內，他搬開堆在小茶几附近的書籍，在地上清出一個小空間，程華邊走邊張望：「你這裡……真簡單。」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmlZuJzj5P
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「嗯，倉促找到的房子，也不知道要怎麼布置，不過工作也忙，只能要看書就好。」季慈瞥了眼程華觀察的方向，是他的床，床邊靠牆處立著一個大書櫃，拐了個轉角再並列一個書櫃，這兩個書櫃遠高過季慈的身高，他這裡什麼東西都少就書特別多。說著，他拉過他鍾愛的深棕色懶骨頭，調整一下方向，「你坐這，我坐地上。」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLimuYLFND
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程華坐上懶骨頭，體重讓他沉進骨頭裡，他驚奇的捧起晚餐邊吃邊玩。「你比較常坐哪張椅子？」旁邊還有一個單人沙發座。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DuXXWyKgx
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「懶骨頭。我喜歡癱在裡面看書，很舒服。」季慈打開餐盒用餐，「上次跟你推薦的咖啡廳裡面也有這種座椅。第一次坐回家就買了一個。」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWLLTDU4LE
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他們斷續的吃飯聊天，今天意外的插曲讓聖誕夜變得不一樣，更不相同的地方是當季慈想到要洗澡才發現程華並沒有換洗衣物可以替換。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lWXV7cc9G
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「不好意思，你介意穿我的內褲嗎？」他翻找了一陣，在抽屜深處翻出一條當初買組合包因為紋路太花俏只穿過一次的內褲，和一套比較厚的睡衣。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBoqsjTlIt
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程華坐在他的懶骨頭上一臉呆滯，季慈心想果然，正打算起身外出採買，程華急急忙忙地拉住他，嗓音陡然高亢：「不不、不、不介意！沒有問題！衣服也沒有問題！」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDK8g12M8CF
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「可是你的表情——你真的沒有問題嗎？」季慈充滿疑惑地端詳程華的失態，他以為上次跟程華借了衣物，加上程華的變態程度才敢這麼做，完全沒料到程華的反應如此之大。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxU0jRzrzT1
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「沒有，沒有問題！」程華幾乎是奪過他手中的衣服跟浴巾，掩在口鼻前方，便匆匆起身退了好幾步閃進浴室。「我先去洗了！」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3Ngkq3C1d
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季慈傻眼，隨著浴室門關上，裡頭水聲嘩啦，他笑倒在懶骨頭裡不住抽動肩膀。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEaWqxFKxx
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「你在笑什麼？」季慈誇張的笑聲讓程華拉開一道門縫，白色水氣跟著聲音和程華嘟起的嘴巴露在門外。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YrHm3wppo
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季慈笑得更歡了。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRoQhVKndI
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季慈發覺當程華陪在他身邊低氣壓會很難存活，對方的每個舉動都帶給他歡樂和滿滿的溫暖。他耳聽程華在浴室裡哼著歌沐浴，一顆心如在風中搖晃的風鈴，鈴鈴鈴的發出愉悅聲響，動手整理起等會就寢的被枕。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxUlU7ORw2
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程華怕冷，季慈打算把床被讓給他，自己窩在沙發上一整晚，不過這如意算盤等程華出來就被摔破了。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zLVHfdYJ8
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「你要睡沙發？」程華不可置信地瞪著他的單人座沙發。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0X4OmDSR8K
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「嗯，床給你睡。」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9nMSo7FSn
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程華髮梢還滴著水，人移動到他面前嚴肅的說：「不可以，要就一起睡，你睡沙發明天怎麼上班？」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITcITdIykd
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結果變成兩人擠在單人床上。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCJi8xerxM
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頭一次共枕季慈醉了，對那夜的記憶基本上沒有，彷彿要填補上次的空缺，這回在黑暗裡那溫暖令人心安的體溫依就偎在一旁。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MLTNykTHe
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「其實以我的個性在百貨公司上班很吃力，」他忽然間很想傾訴，「我不懂得說話的技巧，也一直學不好察言觀色，唯一有的就是主管特別喜愛的笑容。今天看見父親，我才知道為什麼自己要一直堅持在這裡工作。我從那天就知道父親住在這裡，他和他的新家人在這座城裡定居，我在賭，賭會不會在這座大城裡遇見他。」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnBb5Wm8T4
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床鋪一陣晃動，像海波搖擺晃蕩，程華摸黑的尋到了他的手輕柔的握著。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDUUPqQjC4
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「很白痴對不對。」季慈自嘲，張著雙眼盯著怎麼也看不見的天花板繼續道：「真的很像白癡，希望他發現兒子在這座城市裡獨自一人過得如何，懷著這種的想法又厭惡又期待他看見……就鬧笑話了。」147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwJMH2hZtx
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今天也因為這樣而曠了一小時的班，明天要好好地跟代班同事道謝才行。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCtzeGVRye
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對了——147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ithw3K7Tq
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「怎麼會，他是你父親，你是他兒子，不論怎樣都很正常。」程華從側邊靠上來，呼出的暖氣噴灑在耳側。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWpWUI8w3m
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「嗯。」季慈躊躇了會。「對不起我前陣子拒絕你，本來還打算不再跟你聯絡，也謝謝你的傾聽跟安慰，謝謝你的溫暖和鼓勵。」他感到臉熱了起來，對自己的行為又羞恥又慚愧，他不應該因為一棵樹腐爛的臭味而遷怒傷害。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYgFUSozIL
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程華忽然坐起身撲上來，壓在他身上小心翼翼的問：「那我可以應徵當你的新男友嗎？還是你要開放老公的空缺？」他偷偷搞笑，是屬於程華的體貼。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OqImQgxqu
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季慈未曾想到程華會來這齣，好一瞬間答不出話。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZtARtmhRW
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147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBkaIJBSmn
「不急，倒是你明天還要上班，先睡吧。」程華翻身滾下來在旁邊躺平，兩人手臂碰在一塊。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zg9WLKFb0
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJsDIBfsas
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tN6SS1vEk
「再給我一點時間吧。」等這件事情落幕。147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NU2Zan8rK
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmTjbkx5RF
147Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHKhUF2Tdw
然後按「加至主畫面」