丱封日記 - 丱封日記#2

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丱封日記#2

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我是z先生，這是我在呼吸停止前給這世界最後的饋言。

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我討厭全世界。

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我討厭宇宙、太陽給予的養分、月亮帶來的潮汐，討厭因貪戀交媾而誕我的男女，討厭照顧我到無微不至的老人。是的，我這麼痛恨於讓我這麼悲催、可憎的世界。

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我討厭第一次給予溫暖、情緒的她，討厭著因為他所謂的屁話堅守到現在的自己、令人恐懼的自我、不放棄任何機會的小丑、一聽到她哭而心疼到想去身邊安慰的傻瓜、恐懼於黑暗時只能幻想溫暖的膽小鬼。是的，這些都是陷於愛情喜劇的我，和她。

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我討厭在人前演戲的我，討厭著那些自以為在傾聽的好朋友、自以為是的安慰和陪伴、樂於嘲笑於我的賤貨、吝於傾聽解釋的湯斌們。是的，我痛恨這種可有可無的、不穩定的易散友情，更痛恨重視義氣如命的我。

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我討厭可憐可悲可憎的自己，討厭著渴望溫暖又抗拒的矛盾、總讓人放棄、失望的廢物、每次努力成功後反被取笑的天才、已容不下任何情緒字眼的腦子、擁有狂暴本能的力量。是的，我是每天扮演悲情劇的演員。

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有天，我死了，請別難過，那是我解脫了。

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z先生的遺書6/18

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-Wen

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