I can't sleep, I'm up all night

Through these tears, I try to smile

I know the touch of your hand can save my life

But don't let me down

Come to me now

•••

A silent knock uttered from my door by the corner. In a swift motion i hid the sharp blade, that I've been staring at for only God knew, under my pillow.

"Come in!" i said, pulling down the long sleeves of my checkered gray sweater.

A grinning aunty Terry poked her head into my room, "Am i interrupting darling?"

With a strenuous tiny smile, i shook my head. I hardly ever smiled. In fact i preferred wearing a permanent frown. Which was referred to by dermatologists as a 'perma frown'. Or rather by the street name 'Bitchy Resting Face. Like how Victoria Beckham had it bad.

Yah you get it.

Terry walked into my room then sat next to me on my bed, "I had missed you so much."

She had me in a tight hug, swaying me from side to side like she liked doing. Her strawberry shampoo found its way to my nose as i hid my face in her lustre deep auburn hair. 

"Me too," i wasn't a girl of many words either.

Aunty Terry was my mom's twin sister. I mean, they were painfully identical that i would have had a hard telling them apart. Fortunately their extremely different personalities made the telling-them-apart business a lot easier. 

Terry was a selfless, loving, caring, prim and proper single lady. Mom was a selfish, heartless, careless and a drunkard of a woman who was yet to master the concept of family because she didn't. 

Aunty Terry usually visited us on a weekly bases to check up on me since living with my mom was like literally living solo. Mom only seemed alive when she was having one of her 'angry birds' like episodes.

"I just wish i could take you along with me," said Terry, taking my hand into hers.

"Then why don't you?" i asked, so much hope reflecting on my face. If there was anything i so desperately wanted, it was escaping this mediocre bungalow and that heartless woman who called herself my mom. 

Terry's face grimaced with a mixture of pity and apology, "Adia, you know your mom would never let me."

"Damn her!" I banged my nightstand with my knuckles which was rather painful. But it could not rival other pains I've been through, "Its not like she even care about me."

"You may think so but she does. She just doesn't show it."

With a humorless chuckle, i shook my head, then i frowned "That woman has gone past feeling emotions Terry. She no longer have control over her own life. The only thing that keeps her alive is alcohol."

Terry winced at my cutting words. I had almost forgotten that i was speaking about her twin sister.

I softened my face, trying my best to subdue the impending anger, "I'm sorry Terry for the harsh words though i meant them."

She ran a hand down my thick auburn hair while she muttered, "Its okay expressing your feelings hun. Its something i know you have a hard time doing."

She knew that so well. Ever since Daniel's mysterious disappearance, that i didn't like talking about, i couldn't open up to anyone. Especially about the tempest that was always brewing inside. With Terry, it depended on my mood but most time my wall was impenetrable. 

"I have great news by the way," Terry dished, her cheery self getting back on. 

"Yeah?"

"I got you that place at that college i was talking about."

She had applied for me at Willowville Academy, a local community college that offered a variety of educational courses. Its main purpose was for university students. But like me, kids who delayed in their education for whatever different reasons, also qualified to enter. In my case: missed my whole of Senior year locked up in my bedroom. 

"The principal said your classes have many other students who, like you, also missed their senior year. So you wont be alone."

I gave her a grateful almost-there smile. The thing that Terry didn't get was, i didn't need the company of anyone. I wanted Daniel to come back to me.

"And oh yeah. A friend of mine who i work with has a nephew who is starting his classes at Willowvile College tomorrow. So i asked him to come pick you up."

"Name?"

"Toby Tait and he is handsome as hell. His eyes.. "

Rolling my eyes i added, "Aunty Terrrrry." in a bored tone.

A few hours later after dinner she had cooked, Aunty Terry left. 

Who knew returning to school after a year would be this hard. In fact, i wondered how i was going to cope with human interaction other than Terry. With mom, it wasn't human interaction at all.

Given i had been on a 'maroon solitude' in my room by choice, going out there now seemed daunting and intimidating. 

"Glad you have time to waste," mom said from the door after i grabbed a granola bar. She stood by the kitchen door in her white morning robe. 

"Glad you ain't drunk for once," i snapped back.

In this house, that's how we said our good mornings.

I saw mom's face go beet red but she chose to say, "Going to school for you is a waste of money and time. I feel sorry for Terry. Having to pay school fees on such a loosing battle like you."

My mouth pressed into a grim line, suppressing the venomous words that about escaped. I went on to the counter to pour myself some black coffee. If we had milk and whipped cream i would have added it.

Unfortunately mom could not afford that kind of luxury. Okay, so she could never afford anything for that matter since she could not even keep a stable job due to heavy drinking. Terry did everything a mom should do. She was my un-biological mom. 

"You have always been a useless idiot ever since that guy you foolishly claimed to be your lover went missing," casually went on mom, fury finding its way to my heart, "For Pete's sake get a life!"

I turned around on my feet to face her, "Oh look who is talking. Who needs a life between me and you?" i mocked and i just hoped i didn't get a hit for saying that.

Mom furrowed her brows, a deep scowl finding its way to her countenance, "How dare you speak back to me? I'm not your age."

I set down my cup, already feeling fed up with this dreadful conversation that had came earlier than i preferred, "You know, I'm not in the mood to talk to you. So bye" I picked up my school bag before i started walking out of the kitchen. Waiting outside the house for the so called chauffeur would be better.

"Don't you dare walk out on me young lady," i heard her swift footsteps follow closely behind me.

Just as i held the door knob of the main door i felt a sharp stinging sensation at the back of my scalp. Apparently she had grabbed a handful of my auburn locks. 

I immediately ceased on my steps to lessen further pain, "Let go of my hair."

"What do you think you are?" she demanded, tagging at my low ponytail just a little, "You are a piece of useless crap!"

Clenching my teeth, i maneuvered forward so that she was obliged let go of my hair. And when she did let go, which stung like hell, i quickly opened the door only to almost collide into a body. 

I looked up to see a guy. Maybe my age. He stood there with a dumbfound face, his light eyes slightly wide.

He was wearing an untucked stylish sky blue collared shirt and a pair of perfectly fitted jeans. His sleeves were rolled up and the first three upper buttons were undone enough to reveal his smooth skin and a hint of a lean muscular chest and frame.

He had a youthful face with a strong jaw that extended to the angles of his cheekbones, complimenting his brow line and straight nose that pointed to his perfectly defined lips. An artist couldn't have chiseled a better bone structure.

After my swift scrutiny, I circled around him then hid behind his broad back before mom could catch me.

"Who the hell are you?" mom snapped at the stranger in her high pitched voice.

The guy fixed his throat before uttering, "The name is Toby Tait maám."

"Oh," mom's voice was suddenly soft and hospitable which made my tummy quiver with disgust, "Oh yeah Toby, I'm certain Terry is the one who send you to come pick up my daughter on her first day at school."

Even the word daughter sounded so strained. Seriously. There was no such mom like her i swear.

"Adia, come out from there," mom said to me in a sickening sweet voice, "Now don't be shy, he won't bite," she joked though i knew it went dipper than that. 

Sighing, I took a step to the side with my usual frown. I didn't need to smile to anyone after all.

After mom exchanged a few more words with Toby, what a name, he led me to his black Subaru Jeep which seemed like an ancient, smart, sexy machine. It had a neat leather interior too. 

"Your mom seems nice," Toby told me once he put his car into ignition. The engine was so loud.

I rolled my eyes whilst i snorted, "Wait till you witness her on cloud nine and you'll tell me." I said it under my breath that i doubt if he even heard me.

Toby then chucked, "So what's your full name?"

I frowned, looking out the window, "Adia Collins." Isn't mom had already told him that?

"No second, third or forth name whatsoever?" he gently asked sounding genuinely interested.

What would i need four names for? I almost snapped that but i went for, "I have a second name."

"Oh is it? What's it called?"

And then i snapped, "Dude you ask more questions that a first grader does. And it's annoying as hell. And i don't like being overwhelmed with questions so just drop it will you."

"Consider it done," Toby cast at me a half serene, half amused smile before looking back to the highway.

As for me, i remained staring at him in offense. After my little outburst he freaking smiled in amusement. What a jerk. He seemed full of himself. 

Granted, the rest of the journey to school was wholly quiet. I was picking at my forefinger nail in anticipated anxiety of being at a new school and meeting new people. I was so nervous that i felt like i could disintegrate. 

Right Adia. All you have to do is to avoid people as much as possible and look invisible. Easy. 

Yeah yeah, after a year of being locked in my room, it didn't seem much like a task at all.

"Here we are," Toby addressed as his car came to a stop.

I looked up to see us in a busy car lot. This college seemed like a literal highschool. Many students scattered in the huge car lot, chatting excitedly with peers. 

"Hey," Toby said before i looked up at him. That's when i realized he had light blue eyes that complimented his dark, thick and long eyelashes. Seriously, how didn't i notice those amazingly loud, striking eyes earlier. They reminded me of...

His intense gaze swept over my face which was rather uncomfortable, "Your face looks kinda green. Are you okay?"

Toby was a severe asker and he seemed to observe too much. Yup, worst combination. 

I looked away from him when his gaze became too much to hold, "Um...im good."

He then opened up his door and before i could open mine he quickly rounded the car and opened it for me. 

"What was that for?" i asked, sounding rather incredulous. Was there any need for such a reaction Adia?

An easily amused beam settled on his pink lips, "It's my pleasure."

Rolling my eyes i got out of the vehicle. What was this guy and that knowing, amused smile of his? Though i hated to admit it, the smile was as irking as it was gorgeous and sexy. Of course the latter was my brain's doing. 

Before i could take a step forward, Toby grabbed both of my shoulders, his eyes on my nose, "What the? Do you have a tissue?"

My eyes widened with horror as i looked his concerned ones. Don't tell me i had snot on my nose. How mortifying. Wait, wasn't he supposed to be frowning in disgust.

I quickly grabbed a white tissue from the back pocket of my distressed jeans, "Whats wrong?" i asked, giving him the tissue.

With a slight grimace, he started wiping my nose gently, "Blood is com-"

Before he could finish his sentence i had grabbed the tissue from his grasp. Then i turned around to give him my back, all the while, grimacing. 

Dang it! Damn it! It was supposed to be my damn secret. No single soul knew about my undiagnosed chronic nose bleed. Not even Aunty Terry who was the closest thing i had. 

But it had to be Toby freaking Tait to know first. 

Great!