83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKyo5XhPnP
March 21, 1995
It's been a while since I last wrote. There isn't much on my mind as of right now. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5UbNu1ngc
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYV9HhvoQhx
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLeJlw0Gzv
April 25, 1995
I'm dropping out of college and my parents aren't happy about that. I don't even care though.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegW3MTjSoo
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡES194CQ462
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguoHQ5noTj
May 30, 1995
I wish you came chasing after me. I wish you grabbed me and told me to stay. I wish you told me you needed me to stay. I want to feel your warmth on my cheek again. I want you to tell me you love me as much as I love you. But it's been months since that day and I haven't gotten a drunk call confessing your love yet; confessing your guilt. I contemplate whether I should reach out or not but the urge of wanting you to reach out first is what stops me. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EFF6hOWHG
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xUkDUvZG0
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdwb8Z6VCd
June 12, 1995
Listen Ann...you idiot! You'll never get this chance again....but if I do I promise I'll tell the truth. If I don't I'll just spend the rest of my life regretting this. Regretting never calling you, never letting you know. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwrqni71Bk
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhcZBsXSyc
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXFZYc4lEq
June 26, 1995
My pride and fear are keeping me from contacting you. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eSfCXU56O
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZRb1CvGg5
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykxnOUAqih
July 8, 1995
It's my birthday today and I'm turning 23. Another year where I can say I fail at living out my life and another year to say I fail at taking my life.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxI30lGA8XN
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1w9l7g54n
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6p5iYGtqz2
July 9, 1995
I waited exactly a whole day and you still did not ring me to wish me a happy birthday. Maybe you forgot or maybe you just didn't care. I'm stupid anyway.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EHA9zjd4W
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2Yb1upF7a
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxrKx6k7Ge
July 10, 1995
Through drunken mishap nights, I confess my love and guilt through pen and paper. Confess for example; Why can't I be brave? Why am I so afraid of you? We were together for three years. what is there to be afraid of? Why do I love you still? 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLdvehLlub
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbYRWBgowc
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2ulmwMnmc
July 11, 1995
I'm so pretentious.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYKyDcQ8ti
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8tv7IuPXC
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUU9heU6vN
July 17, 1995
I called Kant last night and we got into an argument. He told me that he loves me but did not love my situation. I asked him if he could please meet me so that I could get some closure but he believes that he doesn't own me that. I felt so pathetic but I couldn't stop crying. I kept begging for him to please see me and let me live out my fantasy one last time. He said no but eventually, he agreed to meet up. We're due to meet up tomorrow morning for brunch.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwMXRJHFfG
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvd4a7pMOw
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ740UAxuSaW
July 18, 1995
I'm so nervous that I couldn't sleep all night. I felt like calling him and asking him if we can postpone it to next week because I wasn't ready. I want to look my best when he sees me again. I know that I've gained some weight but I'm hoping that I can hide that with clothes. Anyway, I gotta get ready to go see Kant.
I went to this small cafe near his school. It had a Paris at night style of decor. It was small with about maybe 30 seating. I arrived first and sat there hand in hand, nervously waiting. I kept looking at the door. I was so nervous. fifteen minutes went by and I'm starting to sweat. Thirty-minute went by and I'm starting to lose hope. An hour goes by and I'm starting to plan my escape, I felt so ashamed and stupid. I look over to the door and just when I thought he had arrived, it was someone else. I got up and left.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiz2HqiIJnn
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWAqwOm5wa
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eWhn7SXAJ
July 19, 199583Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuoYf3jrQp
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIjfuqKAaS
The glow of the city lights below shaded my room a warm bitter orange. It was comforting for me. It was enough. I felt this loneliness all night last night. It wasn't the loneliness of a broken heart but the loneliness of being human.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8LcjiPNRq
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIf7a1mhgdb
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EbkovxBVP
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArt5h3LaBG
July 20, 199583Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvIc2BctUc
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiHrLpOhYL
I kept imagining us but the more I try to think of you the harder it is for me. I didn't bother calling because I knew I would give in to your excuses. I rather face the fact that you just don't love me anymore. I need it to hurt, I need to come to terms so that I can move on with my life. I feel like I'm losing a part of myself by letting you go, I mean you were there through the turbulence of my youth. We held each other through it all. You held me through all of those endless bleak nights and I held you till the sun bleeds into the cold blue of your room. We drank and cried and drank again. You taught me how to be alive and I taught you how to live. How can you give that all up? How can you just wake up one day and not love me? Everything I do is for you. I love you like no one else. I love you more than anyone else ever did. What is the reason, why did you leave me? I'm not ready to leave you. I still love you.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoG6jvd5Wy
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DW16Dp4LX
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebMNjsr4PB
October 29, 199583Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7PTOVtDpD
83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlMG5Yeqpq
Sorry I haven't been writing much. I haven't been doing much, to be honest. So much has been happening but I just don't know what to say. I guess I'll start with this...I got a job recently, I bag groceries at my uncle's grocery store. It isn't great but it's helping me get by until I figure out what I want to do. I also moved back home, my sister and I share a bedroom. I'm not that close to her and plus she is going through teen angst at the moment so I rather not talk to her. My mom keep bitching at me to get my shit together and honestly, I am trying to. I really am. I'm just in a weird place right now. She thinks I'm weak and is stupid and blames everything on my breakup with Kant. She thinks I drop out of school because of Kant; that I don't have my life together because of Kant. She thinks I'm sad all the time because of Kant but I wish I could just tell her the truth; I Wish I could be honest. I think I was always like this. Actually, Kant probably broke up with me because I'm always like this. I didn't realize it till recently but I think I made him sad. He isn't the bad guy here, I am. I'm like a virus that affects anyone in my radius. All I do is bring people down. I don't know but this whole break up made me really frustrated. I spend nights walking around the city trying to find something to be mad about and get mad when I don't find anything to be mad about. It's a sad sad life I lead. I just have so much anger and I don't know why I'm mad. I just want to fight someone. I just want someone to beat me up and put me in my place. I have no right for being this angry. Who do I think I am. What is wrong with me. This world is so cruel for having someone so ugly like me to live in it. This world is so cruel. I just want to cry out of frustration. I don't know why I'm like this but I just hate everyone and myself.
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