July 4th 2012
Dear Diary,
Mum died giving birth to Ruby. Nobody knows why even today - she was fine when it was my turn. I guess that it was just one of those things. I was too young to properly understand back then- only 4 years old when it happened. It was only when the kids at school asked what my mum put in my packed lunch for me that I started to realise it. When I made mother’s day cards, the kids asked why I was making it for my Nan instead. That was when it fully dawned on me - I was mum-less.
People have always asked me how I never have taken it out on Ruby or become jealous and I do see their point. It’s simple really. Mum died to give me a sister and she would want me to look after her and love her. Otherwise there would be no reason for mum to leave us. I am not going to lie because fulfilling this idea and following it is hard at times, especially when Ruby is being particularly annoying. And on the jealousy thing, well I am jealous but I don’t show it. This is my life so I have got to stick at it. There is no point in moping over something if I can’t have it, in public anyway. Most nights I have a little cry, but that helps. I will never, ever forget the 4 years, 1 month and 108 days (109 if you count the day she died) I spent with the best mother in the world, who died to give life.
Ruby, dad and I were OK I guess. We had our good days and our bad days but that is normal with every family. We carried on, we lived, watched funny cartoons and had pizza for dinner every night. Until Kate came along that is. My step-mother is kind, friendly and I find no fault with her, but she stopped the everyday pizza nights with a film and served up a wholesome meal instead. I am not one who likes quinoa and kale you know!
And then she had to get pregnant.
It’s not that I don’t want another sibling, because I would want one. I loved having Ruby as a baby- she was much more innocent back in her first years. I can imagine this baby- a mop of chocolate curls, dark eyes and a little snubbed nose.
I am just worried, that’s all...
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