Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAJn8RqGCptB
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA1y7Xf6i6fi
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAK87njUxnEh
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAvajRjFhW3W
Her face remains serene.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAiK6ERSo1k1
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA8RBfsGfweg
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAJeucVuQDv8
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAys3winJTMs
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAAbKiTxPPHi
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAlg7f2leHJ0
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAsf0kasoNUZ
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAqwpsZYYFbd
This should have been her beginning.1001Please respect copyright.PENANA4qKhtR1UMb
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAoYIBxX7bEA
*/*/*1001Please respect copyright.PENANA3QqjNztpu3
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAFIHFclihi2
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.1001Please respect copyright.PENANACUPzF5aMfF
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA7ZXBB2FJi3
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.1001Please respect copyright.PENANACE96UUrmin
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAd3q9qHiOEu
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.1001Please respect copyright.PENANA1KXdieEswg
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAqTFarp6qXC
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.1001Please respect copyright.PENANA72dI6R313o
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAbM7vs9tHIg
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAfYuGIBkrim
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAsKrFskokIK
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.1001Please respect copyright.PENANADG8H1aXe1Y
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAhDN9ay1Br9
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”1001Please respect copyright.PENANAeDpSOOnH9b
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAp8djgNlm1r
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAK8SIZbG9Zr
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA5aBb7amR0H
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAqE0tOpQuww
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAGF1Cbcrebo
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.1001Please respect copyright.PENANA2HdL7j7jhi
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA2rhoZUHmT5
*/*/*1001Please respect copyright.PENANAWJfK8jcETA
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAOVm0OTZWZM
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAVLxSK8cJlD
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAo15ippQMz4
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAGubt2XYlwJ
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA4m1OCFYje2
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAdA1c2IzNFw
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAbfcsOt60D3
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.1001Please respect copyright.PENANA0X3MkoBzva
1001Please respect copyright.PENANADgXAg7PIJ9
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAYpizn9NJm2
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAR9oXeC90kN
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAH5glnRMqa6
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAIxnx5uhACn
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”1001Please respect copyright.PENANAWSa96x1jtN
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAyAJhUJ8jxn
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.1001Please respect copyright.PENANABOQN5wLqvV
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAFHFPfHGOjE
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.1001Please respect copyright.PENANA7mbi6EY2d5
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAwGzmh3NhxF
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAryqVJtlrWF
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAQAMJkOK9T1
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAjcTi0nLCYH
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAbuskxoUikQ
*/*/*1001Please respect copyright.PENANAqYzcBCUYLg
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAgSjHOZU6Jz
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAP7nEdDqwav
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAamsDtoNNEH
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”1001Please respect copyright.PENANAfSGQicvOm3
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAsFgTyudkSE
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.1001Please respect copyright.PENANA1m1kWusH56
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAvmRsCjUqND
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAHPudUjafWm
1001Please respect copyright.PENANACuUUoRAbnq
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”1001Please respect copyright.PENANA1MZkrsB9xB
1001Please respect copyright.PENANATnuZaY8N0r
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAtlrUpBXMuY
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA7ubzIxGShW
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”1001Please respect copyright.PENANAn04R9sDCec
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAkH0rcp62je
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.1001Please respect copyright.PENANACAfOocH7Tr
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA0tShSfV0Vv
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.1001Please respect copyright.PENANADMwckvVZ8x
1001Please respect copyright.PENANApXeeOB8QPE
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAJXvc6wnFPQ
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAT9LaLYDW9k
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.1001Please respect copyright.PENANA8v5zQJveMj
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAk1MfZlXAl0
*/*/*1001Please respect copyright.PENANA2mhBjCTj33
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA1blzR7KO5q
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.1001Please respect copyright.PENANA3zuUcBKmXB
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAUf4mfLcEqW
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAE5rMeFTJOS
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAag5wIeUfAj
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAYFvc3AbSJv
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAcNXyxaO4rk
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4Eap7pzYL
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA3kNolmoPJB
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAVzfsOgNszn
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAkz8CEjdNAg
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAiXD3Z7e6zN
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAqBHpuNGRYY
*/*/*1001Please respect copyright.PENANARUaZqZeWaV
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA4jzktjowpK
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAoM4bSNIwti
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAoXOyjDlUQm
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAIbeGy4iET1
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAbpeOnh1m2Z
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?1001Please respect copyright.PENANAHc6jqobqYO
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAMoacCYnAOx
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.1001Please respect copyright.PENANADhWWeysUXi
1001Please respect copyright.PENANALVZLPLT0Sl
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”1001Please respect copyright.PENANAO0GxyfpoAm
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAwhgN57Fed0
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAHTGcbuRr3A
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA2gxQG59KVr
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAuqNq3WSXPy
1001Please respect copyright.PENANA0xTyFDG0vC
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAMrH9YmSpSe
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAHfOTxsugup
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”1001Please respect copyright.PENANAr65zTqLkRx
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAbyFC4AgFgr
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAOdI9FFdXBD
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAKuGoXcJFLK
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAigUmBdBco3
1001Please respect copyright.PENANAxU12QGqM8l
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.1001Please respect copyright.PENANAg3cr8szxiw
1001Please respect copyright.PENANADAH8W00knK
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
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TejiReve

篇 #8
Half-Hearted
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