「昌均吶。」
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女孩手上拿著馬克杯,緩緩走近將頭靠在窗邊的男孩。戴著圓框眼鏡的他望著遠處,陽光柔和而不刺眼的灑在他的側臉上,扶在窗框上的手指在明亮的環境下更顯修長。她看著他,專注得出了神。
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他沒有回應女孩的呼喚,只是望著窗外遠方。也不知外頭有些什麼,就那樣望著,清澈的眼底看不出任何蛛絲馬跡。女孩在任昌均身旁蹲下,將馬克杯輕輕放在任昌均手邊的地上,輕扯他的衣袖。
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「昌均,你還沒有吃中飯。」
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這一次,任昌均收回了望著遠處的視線,轉過頭來看了她一眼。「靜熙姐姐……」他低喃,無神的雙眼使他變得憔悴。名為靜熙的女孩將手覆上任昌均的額間,把幾乎要蓋在眼睛上的瀏海撥到一旁。
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「靜雅甚麼時候要回來,靜熙姐姐?我好想她……」
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尹靜熙輕皺眉,眼中閃過一絲慍怒,輕微的幾乎無法察覺。她收回目光,把一旁的馬克杯遞給他。
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「昌均,先喝點水,我待會把午餐弄給你。」
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「靜熙姐姐,你不是靜雅的好朋友嗎?為什麼你不知道她在哪裡?為什麼在靜雅房子裡的人是你?你應該要和靜雅待在一起的,不是嗎?」
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在尹靜熙裝作若無其事要起身的同時,任昌均緊緊抓住她的手腕,尹靜熙身子一楞,目光微顫不願回頭看任昌均一眼。任昌均的語氣頓時變得凌厲,一句接著一句質問著尹靜熙。不給她一點思考的空間,任昌均一把將尹靜熙拉回他的眼前。
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「靜熙姐姐,妳告訴我她在哪好不好……」只是一瞬間,任昌均又恢復先前的模樣,無助的神情哀求著她。
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「任昌均,你別再做夢了好不好?靜雅她早就,不在了。」
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她的語氣依舊溫柔,口中道出的卻是極為肯定的事實。任昌均睜大了的雙眼,顫動的瞳孔,似乎早就是尹靜熙習以為常的畫面。尹靜熙隨即輕輕地撥開任昌均鬆了的手,悠悠站起身。
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「我知道你很愛靜雅,靜雅也很愛你的。」
「所以我才會在這裡,在這裡代替靜雅照顧你。」
「放不下和作夢是兩回事,昌均,你是聰明的孩子,我知道你懂該怎麼做。」
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轉身離開,尹靜熙獨留任昌均一人失神的坐在原地發楞、不語。她堅信如此對任昌均點出事實,他才能忘卻早已逝世的愛人。一次一次的,重重打擊任昌均的這段話,她總是面無表情的一字一句丟出。她不想冷淡,不想讓任昌均認為自己無情,所以她總是刻意的不去掩飾每一句話中的溫柔。
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尹靜熙恨透了那個和自己名字相近的姊妹——賴靜雅。她們兩人的關係是如此親近,從高中開始便是同學,直到出了社會,她們仍然以閨蜜相稱。尹靜熙和賴靜雅總是當對方的靠山。無論遇到什麼事情,她們都陪著對方。
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一切都這麼運作著,直到那一天,賴靜雅帶著那個大學學弟,任昌均,在咖啡廳和尹靜熙見面。
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尹靜熙看著賴靜雅和任昌均緊緊牽著的雙手,愣在原地好久好久。那一段時間內她只感覺到心痛,任昌均笑得越是幸福,尹靜熙的內心越是覺得被一把把鋒利的刀狠狠劃過。
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一直等待著的機會,沒了。
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尹靜熙很確定她喜歡任昌均絕對比賴靜雅久。打從任昌均入學選社開始,和任昌均見了的第一面,任昌均就佔了尹靜熙心中最重要的位置。身為熱音社社長,她還打破了自己以往獨立行事的風格,找了任昌均當自己的幫手。
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〝昌均,學姊能當妳的好朋友嗎?〞
鼓起勇氣對一向木訥的學弟說出這句話的那天,尹靜熙印象深刻。同處一間工作室,一起討論著校慶表演的新歌,她趁著整理歌詞的空檔,努力壓下激動地顫抖的嗓音,低聲對專注整理音檔的他說。
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她仍然記得一清二楚——在只有兩人的小空間裡,空氣沉默了好久,她還以為任昌均睡著了,回過頭想看看他的樣子,卻對上了他有些驚訝看著自己的眼神。
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尹靜熙慌張地要轉回去時,任昌均終於開口。
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〝真的嗎?〞
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好聽的低音嗓疑惑地問道。三個字在尹靜熙耳中迴盪好久好久,任昌均的聲音好聽得令她幾乎要紅了臉。感受到自己瞬間加快的心跳,尹靜熙乾咳幾聲掩飾自己的尷尬。任昌均是喜歡音樂的孩子,總是沒什麼變化的表情讓他看起來十分冷酷,也因此,任昌均在學校並沒有什麼特別好的朋友。尹靜熙到畢業那天才告訴任昌均,她看準了這點才敢開口的。
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她可以感覺到耳邊嗡嗡的聲響,可以感覺到漸漸發熱的臉龐。硬是壓下自己激動的心情,尹靜熙若無其事地回答:當然。
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她永遠都無法忘記下一秒的場景:任昌均露出了她從沒看過的溫柔微笑,輕輕點了點頭。畫面好看得讓她又是慌張的回頭,心頭湧上的卻是無數的喜悅。
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那一天是尹靜熙記憶中任昌均說最多話的一天。不知是終於找到了知己,或是純粹音樂是自己喜歡的音樂,任昌均不管是建議還是關於自己的故事都說了好多。尹靜熙只是帶著羞澀的微笑,一邊聽著,點頭,讓任昌均繼續說下去。
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畢業那天,尹靜熙找了任昌均來參加畢業典禮,任昌均出現在會場的同時,尹靜熙幾乎是用跑的來到任昌均面前,拉著賴靜雅介紹給任昌均之後又哭的泣不成聲。那天任昌均什麼話都沒說,只是輕輕拍了拍尹靜熙的頭,示意她不要哭。
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〝靜熙姐姐那天真的哭得很慘,姐姐自己都不知道嗎?哈哈哈。〞
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之後兩人也沒有斷了聯繫。任昌均偶爾會主動打電話給尹靜熙,兩人會聊上一整晚,尹靜熙說著出社會後的種種壓力與經歷,任昌均聽著,好聽的聲嗓依舊沒變。不時一句「嗯」會讓尹靜熙聽得忘記說話,一句回答會讓尹靜熙心跳快得自己都不知如何是好。
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她一直都以為,自己還有機會。
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七年。從大一到畢業、從畢業到出社會三年,尹靜熙喜歡了任昌均七年。掛著好友的名義偷偷的喜歡了林昌均七年,為他付出、為他心痛為他快樂,她甚至不知道沒有了任昌均,自己存在的意義是什麼。
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〝了不起啊任昌均,把我寶貝給搶了哈哈哈。〞
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最後她在任昌均左肩上輕輕打了一拳,調侃的對他說道。隱忍心中的痛楚,尹靜熙轉身離開咖啡廳。對賴靜雅的妒忌和憤恨讓她覺得自己狼狽得無地自容,無心再去理會不斷擦過臉龐的淚水,她躲回自己的公寓,在玄關的鞋櫃前就雙腿一軟跪坐在地上抱頭痛哭。
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危險的念頭在她內心升起,她想起,她和賴靜雅最喜歡到溪邊玩水。
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幾個禮拜後的某一天,天氣晴朗,賴靜雅應了尹靜熙的邀。山裡的寧靜讓尹靜熙激動的發顫,輕拂過的微風像在催促著她下手。尹靜熙看著賴靜雅的背影,妒意再次淹沒理智。收起微笑,她慢慢的、無聲的走近賴靜雅身後。
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拿著手機,正準備向任昌均分享和好友遊玩的樂趣,賴靜雅從未想過尹靜熙也會成為殺害自己的兇手。
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身後一股力道使她穩不住腳,一失足,頭部以不小的力道撞在溪石上,賴靜雅頓時昏厥過去,面朝下倒在溪澗中。
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四周無人,賴靜雅漸漸失去了意識。
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尹靜熙看著自己伸出的手,心情激動得無法控制。制著發顫的全身,她轉身離開,嘴角扯出一抹詭異的微笑。
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