In the Raw - In the Raw of Thought

The enemy of me is I –

Ceaselessly.

The ignominy I feel is far worse than anyone but

Myself

Could ever know.

Constant,

Spurious loathing that I inflict upon myself.

How do you get away from yourself?

The thing dragging me down is I,

Tirelessly.

To have your own

Mind

As burden,

What is it that I have done to deserve this?

Everything.

You’ve done everything wrong.

You are worse than the nothing you wish you were.

You are the venom you ingest.

You are the giver of your own afflictions.

You are the reason.

The mistreatment of me is I,

Brutally.

FIGHT IT.

FIGHT YOURSELF.

Why am I like this?

In my own head,

Irrationalizing,

Scrutinizing,

All at once.

I suffocate myself with hate until I cannot breathe and then must implode.

I don’t want my mind.

The battle I wage against me is me,

Gruelingly.

I can’t turn it off.

Give me peace,

Some quiet mindlessness.

Will it ever turn off?

Or at least turn away whilst I go without thinking?

I'm just a hollow shell for my mind.

Am I nothing but my thinking’s?

Is that a soul?

My mind is my being,

My soul interacting with my body?

Am I what holds me back?

Am I the truest of enemies?

Do I cause my own woe?

Perhaps,

I wouldn’t put it past myself to do

Such a thing.

If I hold myself back then I need not worry about

Overstepping.

I needn’t fret about what I’m doing wrong because I am causing my own wrongdoings.

I’m making myself lost.

I’m the reason for my sorrows.

I hold back.

Its not that God, or whatever being, doesn’t give me what I long for,

But the simple fact that

I won’t

Let myself take it.

As always,

I’m in my own way.

But I am nothing but a

Soul.

A tired, tired soul.

A wishing, greedy, envious, sinning soul…

But aren’t we all toxic to ourselves?

(P.S. I'm not really a poem writing person, but I'm learning -- trying. Whatever, hope you at least could relate to it.)

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