Tuesday, After class.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HoWgrqQY3
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I had been thinking about it all day.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVD1zn5uup
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About what Hina said yesterday afternoon, about what happened the week prior. Asking someone else to help with my problems. To fix what felt like to me, a burden that I had been carrying all my life. And the person chosen by her?86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTil9mwqawK
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Kuroiwa Rei.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUUFpHXv1I
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I was always familiar with that name. But the person behind it always felt far away and I had my back turned towards him. I’ve only caught the words that were constantly passing around the school. And they were not very pleasant to hear or even to think about. I didn't know what he looked like. Well... just vaguely. The same with most people in our class. I felt that everyone’s eyes refused to look at him. Just like mine. Not even a second.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTFKWEgKVl
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“There has to be a better option.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrA4L6pHHgw
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Mika finally broke my chain of thoughts. She was standing in front of her desk, two rows near the windows at the front of the classroom.
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I had remained in my seat ever since class ended an hour ago.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0wauHYw2G
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I looked at her.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHEisKQus6
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Her arms crossed like she always did whenever she was against an idea she knew it didn't make any sense. Feet planted on the floor with one slightly ahead of the other. Her face, firm, different from how she usually looked. Her eyebrows tried meeting each other in the middle. I knew that look. I've always known it ever since we were little. And right now? That look was directed to Hina.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxP5JMvFCC
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“Hina,” Mika continued. “Have you heard about this guy’s reputation?”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqZUiS7e0c
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Hina was staring toward the back door of the classroom, sitting at her own desk near it. Calm. Steady. Her eyes looked with expectation and her smooth lips, covered with a thin layer of pink lipstick, smiled. She was very relaxed. In fact, she was so relaxed that if I stared at her for a few minutes, I would almost hear her humming in my head. And that bothered me. A tiny little bit.
“Someone told me that he fought ten upperclassmen behind the school!” Yui raised her hand as she poured some of her cheerfulness into jumping down from the teacher’s desk where she sat. “And as a matter of fact, everyone says he has connections to the yakuza.” 86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPO6c1yhKM4
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“I heard his eyes have supernatural ability to stab you just by looking,” Hina said. The smile on her face was still there. She turned around to look at Yui. “Apparently three students went blind last week.” She giggled.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QoS7I7keg
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“That’s weird, I never heard of that.” Yui pondered.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3ecM2foxF
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Mika started getting impatient. She never found anything funny about what had been said.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0L116iTbEl
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I did... giggled quietly.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TqmVUZxgT
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“That’s exactly the point!” Mika uncrossed and recrossed her arms, which for her was the equivalent of raising her voice. “On top of everything – he’s a loner, he never talks to anyone, everyone at school avoids him. People don't just avoid someone for no reason, you know.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBYofZiY7W
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I knew that. I knew all of that.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7o08HqS5ND
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Since the beginning of the school year, I had spent every school day believing what others had said. And his nature of always being a loner made a radius of two empty seats between him and everybody else during breaks.. The rumors sounded ridiculous, they all did. But there was no reason for me to just throw away all I heard. I never intended to talk to him in the first place, even now.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWl9I9ZAvQ
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But the image of my mom being worried, her calling my father who was working overseas. My friends’ frustrations whenever I didn't get what they were teaching me. The supplementary lessons after classes. Me having to go home alone. Everything. They were all mixing together with the thought of this mysterious person who was also my classmate.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuWxmTIzEP
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I swallowed everything and said nothing.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6B9FxcxgyS
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“Just trust me,” Hina said simply. She was looking at me specifically even though Mika was the one talking to her.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnozVDGeGkx
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I nodded. Very subtle nod.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSTHY4Puk4
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Then she blinked towards Mika and gave her a stare, the one she always did when she meant to say that she knew more and had no intention to explain anything. We just had to accept it.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZyZoGTgvO
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Mika opened her mouth. Closed it.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOsSyqmaGH
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I felt the same way. When Hina was being like this, pushing back was going to become a huge wall to overcome. The words she spoke were few, but the weight of confidence in them was too heavy.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ670Fe38Nl5
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“I just…” Mika lowered her voice. Her head tilted towards the floor. “I still don’t think this is a good idea.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxC74GFQj5
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“Terrible idea!” Yui agreed cheerfully while raising both her hands.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAWVUJklK2
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I sighed, stood up and went towards Yui. I couldn’t stand the fact that I felt like I was losing an argument I was never even a part of. Maybe in spirit. I don’t know.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnhwuvpUCC
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Then the back door opened.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjG9FDaE6X
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I stopped in front of Yui when it happened. I saw her stand up straight from the sound. And I could feel Mika do the same without looking at her.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJztuIgTKUm
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I felt him come in.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3jlz8GijN
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His steps were slow. With a certain rhythm that sounded careful. Sounded patient. Gentle.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6c9OBRaWd
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Gentle?86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJkjnQwu4P
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Curiosity crept into me.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vNtoklEFi
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So I turned. Slowly. Reluctantly, like my body knew something my feet hadn’t caught up yet.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZy4JBT7AU
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I looked at him, and he saw my gaze. My eyes snapped back towards the floor.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YTIZUonXM
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He kept walking. After taking a brief look, I got the feeling he had been observing us. The three of us in the front of the class. While he continued towards his seat. At the back beside the window.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhiM7Z0V1w1
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Behind me, Yui was not moving. I couldn’t see her face but her hands suddenly gripping my arm already told me that she wasn’t looking at him either. Mika as well seemed to be doing the same when I glanced at her.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtx2ldLCN9f
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“What does he look like?” Yui whispered.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKh4uxRrEXB
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“You have eyes.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWJnFgPd31
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“I can’t use them right now.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEJbwPVMS6
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“Why not?”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7G94u38gqm
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“I just can’t.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbFGY88HPD
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“Hi.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczFUjySrJr
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That calm voice that suddenly filled the silence came from Hina.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiUWwYt8y5
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Just a little bit. For just a little bit I looked up at her direction.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKrpL2Z3K6
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She was composed. Walking. Confident with each step. Towards the silhouette of that guy I was currently trying not to look at.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsULq6nkmEM
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I could almost hear the thoughts of Yui and Mika synchronized with mine.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHKsX57iBu
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How?
How is she so calm right now?86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShV9hbDVEC
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“Kuroiwa Rei,” Hina said, with a slight hint of familiarity in her voice. But as far as I know, this is the first time I heard her talk to him. “Do you think you can listen for a second?”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjXkfN034p
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The silence was everywhere inside the room. Too quiet that the noises that came from the classroom below us were the sounds I could hear.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujO5Zni2bv
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I never heard an answer from him. Normally, you would stop talking to the guy at that point, right? Normally, you would think that he's not interested in having a conversation with you. But Hina was different. At least I think she was acting differently than normal at this point. I thought she knew what normal meant. But right now? She was definitely ignoring what it meant.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvjOqfCFnL
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“There’s something the four of us need from you.” And there you go, she kept talking. And of course, with the ease of someone acting like she did not just spend the last few minutes being reminded that this could be a bad idea. “We were hoping you might be able to help our friend study.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFX344CK8mb
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I flinched. I was not ready for the conversation to shift onto my existence.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfQPnbU5AN
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“Study?” he said.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwMv0jhfUb
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One word. The first time I heard him talk as far as I could remember. And it was that one word delivered in a voice that was flat and unhurried yet somehow still managed to fill the space it occupied completely.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbN0ynFDCk
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“Exactly,” Hina said, sounding genuinely pleased.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nrm7gqOLC
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I was not. Definitely not pleased.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDWBxfLVaJ
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I kept drifting my eyes towards Hina but when I caught a glimpse of him I reverted to my companion, which is the floor. I kept repeating the same thing, but mostly, the one who I intended to look at was Hina. And unfortunately, my eyes were conversing in silence with the floor when footsteps started to fill the room.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJX9zup0PiK
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Slow. Steady. Careful. Patient.
My eyes refused to look up. I wanted to brace myself but perhaps looking down was the much safer option to choose right now.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5BaLoIKMU
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The footsteps got closer. Then stopped.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdWjzAcf3T
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It stopped right in front of me.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQzPVuZ3MK
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I didn’t move. I tried to breathe.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabtIIHqz8m
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Then I looked up because not looking felt worse. I was careful not to look at his face. But an open hand sure appeared right in front of me. Patiently waiting.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZovKP9pvTd
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“Test papers,” he said.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHOfXIYE76
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“Ah.” I didn’t intend to let out any sound, I did anyways.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mqvujMYYL
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I hurriedly went back to my seat but the grip of Yui’s hand behind me slowed me down a little. I wasn’t thinking about it when I released my arm from her hands. I felt her trying to grab it again but I was already far. I felt sorry. She stood there in front of him for two seconds before she decided to follow me and settled behind me once again. My hands managed to find my test papers inside my bag. I took a deep breath then started walking towards him. Yui followed me, still behind me. Then, without looking at him directly, I offered them to him.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZnA2VvZDr
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At that moment I wondered.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtiP3zlAvM
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Will he laugh? The thoughts arrived continuously. I’ve never shown anyone these scores except my friends. Not even my mom. Is he even capable of laughing?86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OpafqiHfh
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“I bet his laugh would sound like a villain’s,” Yui whispered from behind me.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqC2Yg4nTP
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“Not now,” I whispered back.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfE86yL6bXG
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He took the papers and glanced at the first one.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfnXyR9P8C
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“Terrible.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwiADe3Et8
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I heard Yui swallow a laugh behind me and I made a note to address that later.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKf8t7wcFr
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“Hey.” Mika raised her voice suddenly. She still looked stiff but the comment she heard from him somehow gathered some courage for her to say what was on her mind. “You can’t just say it like that.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38IlGPkJsD
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He looked at her from the corner of his eye.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7Ef1FTqMv
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She went quiet.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ71x6vHj8b
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Thank you, Mika… Sorry, Mika…86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUCi3wjpQ0
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The movements of his hands told me that he went back to examine my test papers. I still couldn’t look at his face. Partly because of the conceived idea that this guy was scary. And also partly because I was nervous about seeing his judging eyes. I just stared at his hands. He wasn’t saying anything but I could feel the tension building around my stomach. I could imagine him trying to look at every single mistake I made, every silly answers I gave. And I wanted to sigh. I couldn’t even sigh.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5v7VFkFaV
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“But not impossible,” he said.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZm9LR7LEEG
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I blinked.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoTY005Bzr
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“Really?” Hina sounded delighted. I was confused.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYQWt5a1JD
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Not… impossible… I repeated his words back to my thoughts.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYqGrfO5Lh
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“She answered everything,” he continued. “Ninety percent wrong. But she answered everything.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUq2ci0PCD2
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Another muffled sound from behind me.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0UJraRAXA
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Yui… I swear.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyo6AfcN5LF
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“The answers she gave were wrong. But they aren’t random,” he explained. “She gave some kind of logic behind them, wrong logic, but there’s effort and it shows that she’s trying to solve them.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthK82IwYQZ
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I listened to him. And I started thinking back.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDSviMGII8
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Because..86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuUO1P3Ol8
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I had tried. I had studied. I gave my all.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjayAeNTFoV
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Everything was wrong in the end. It felt like I wasted all those times I stayed up late reading my notes, checking all my text books and yet failing to retain what I learned.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqh3j6Ij3s
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I gave the right efforts for everything. But the wrong results were what I got back.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeu5S0bXjXY
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I wanted to tell him. I wanted someone to acknowledge them. And I don’t know if he did. So I asked.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpAU0anE8f
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“Does that mean… there’s still hope?” My voice came out steadier than I expected.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7A5ICZG4fs
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“Sure,” he replied.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjP9R6j5dW
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That wasn’t reassuring. An of course would’ve been better. Just sure, like it was simply a fact he was confirming.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGaW6zqSx7
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I’ll take it, I thought.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXX22hVFT2e
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“But I have a condition,” he suddenly added.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRRVGAhThs
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I was in the middle of smiling when I heard that. And I felt my smile slowly fading and then my mouth opened.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboaKiuRkUN
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Of course. It’s not going to be for free.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4utpIqPPS
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“How much?” I asked, before I’d thought about it.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYI76c7Z4rC
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“I don’t need your money.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYK8RwQ8GaR
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I looked at him… for a second then I looked at his hands. Then what?86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FRVwgXfQj
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQcxdwbgEq
“What do you mean?” Mika already asked before I could. She already crossed her arms again, and that meant she was already done adapting from the tension. I wished I could do the same. “If it’s not money, tell us what you want.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZjLU1eujy
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6d3MEHGXy9
He was just silent. Then he walked. Unhurried as always, back to his seat.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GzGBDfnVk
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThbTOOlLae
He reached into his bag and took out a notebook. Then he slowly tore a page from it. He steadily placed the notebook back inside his bag. And carefully he wrote on that page he tore. He patiently folded it neatly. And then he finally walked back.
Why is he being slow when I’m already nervous?86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKZJJSxQcp
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeMluH1TyF
He stopped in front of me and held out that neatly folded paper to me.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDbV1F1EC1
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIejBaXuku
“Don’t open it yet,” he said. “That’s my address.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjStZjMw3u
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8C8EU9KAuL
“Why are you giving her your address?” Mika’s voice went sharp immediately.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcmHG5NySC
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BthC8aP6z
He kept his eyes on me.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqipIwFoUUA
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sJt8xjYlV
“Come to that address tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “Alone. If you want to hear the condition, you’ll hear it there.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5WfJla0lK
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGT4WSI1sG
Alone? I sat with that word for a moment.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFi7SNo2MOR
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RXq9XsluB
Alone. In his apartment. Just the two of us?86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHwqs2X9Yx
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzayXwYDDLU
Me, with a boy with a terrible reputation?86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzw7pwM1jn
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUvMepovHR
I had to say no. No was the immediate answer. And it’s where this conversation should end.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVqysrrTlK
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwV9KOWBRRy
But the word. That one easy word to say wouldn’t come out. Instead it was drowned by two other words.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyHuZRUwed
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW3ZDXeWSH
Not Impossible.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RrL2x3B6O
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfymRn1aOR
“No!” Mika said what I couldn't. “Absolutely not! Why does she need to come alone? I’ll go with her.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS98s4iWTQ0
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3l9n2gkvom
“I need her to come alone.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvau96KmBn9
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzaevUHbyt
“Then this is over. We’re not agreeing to that.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2w99n3VSm
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFIhJWsAZe
He looked at her.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AFg4jxOfh
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlrvdfppaL
“Tojo Mika,” he said.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGbhxwj7fv
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenYNAmEdfh
Mika stopped.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJ0fQnqrIk
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUmKCfe3q7
“Always ready to answer when the teacher calls on you. Above average grades. A few points from breaking into the top ten.” He retained his usual way of talking. Serious, precise and unwavering. “The annoying girl with pigtails.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrvUUTbmRW
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiELyPHkCW
Mika’s mouth opened.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0x3TShZOs9
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQaN31bbJk
“Shirogane Yui.” He stared at the one who had been trying to hide behind me all this time.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYORNAKgaB
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChu8ZWsf3m
Yui made a small startled sound.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3JfjTdn7a
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCCsHL9D4y
“Decent in class. Your reasoning when teachers call on you is good. You just don’t take studying seriously enough. A little more effort and you’d be above average.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwiTblxs8o
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡju4gpbYXwM
“Oh,” Yui said softly. I could practically feel her eyes glittering wide behind me.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDpOC2WkA3
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkXGK13cJm
“Asakura Hina.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJO2MaGFxd
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUDCxaW8V5
“Hmm?” Hina tilted her head like she’d just been greeted across the cafeteria.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUn4HUpgx3O
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46uXzyRxu9
He paused for a second.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjr5nppQ3sx
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIr8TZrjOs
“Top two in our grade. Excellent across subjects. Your math is the one place you’re leaving points on the table.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58qVRAhwM0
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJYp4fRZMw
“My, you’re actually right.” Hina smiled. Genuinely smiled. Like she was pleased someone had brought it out and noticed.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlCL4ZXNOv
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nswSkvqk7
I heard that. And I wanted to protest. She got 91 in math and he still called it lacking? Isn’t that a little bit absurd?86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hvWFGR7u7
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKAHthAJdr
I felt mildly annoyed this time.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfZ4ODCJzp
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNbsX1T3gS
“None of you are bad students,” he continued. “All three of you know how to study.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8V7DCUBezb
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQDPTCQfyg
“So what is your point?” Mika said. Still sounding fierce. But when I looked at her. She was looking at the floor. It felt like she knew what he was going to say next but still asked anyway.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAPLLHiG2y
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNIVO2ScGk
“And yet.” He paused. “You gave up on her.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiscipobiC
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGJOkzrkR6
Everyone went still.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5NBeVvwfQ
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTkmUSBkIz
Yui stopped moving behind me. Mika’s arms dropped slowly. Even Hina was quiet.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznzmwSp62U
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3x0ClwNUdc
As for myself. I did not understand what he meant.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZKKh2UMWw
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQ1WhfPj12
“You probably tried,” he continued. “And when it didn’t work, you stopped. Three people who know how to study. And none of you stopped to ask why it wasn’t working for her. Why she couldn’t hold onto what you were teaching her.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhARWv5yr0J
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTFWS51TnB
“It’s not their fault.” I let it out. I wasn’t planning to, but I let it out all the same. My voice was shaking slightly, I wanted him to stop. “It’s hard for me to hold onto things. They’d explain something and I’d get it, and then after a while it would be gone. It’s not their fault. They did everything for me. They did everything they could. I was just… lacking…”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsBSQUAHa3
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HcAy7Gsp9
My hands were shaking at my sides.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBezNQYfmxe
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHQlDfINq3
“I’m the problem. Not them.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjmRYWefpx
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSVilNFwGi
I tried to let those words sink into him. But the voice that came out next wasn’t from the person I wanted to speak in this moment.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ48Ykh41c8
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BJzDzlenG
“I’m sorry, Runa,” Mika said. It was barely a whisper.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kxmjHTCtQ
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURg1UPcj6H
Behind me. Yui’s hands let go of my arm and she wrapped hers around me. She was quiet, and her embrace meant an apology I didn’t want her to give.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wqE1kVRpo
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJe0V1mY9Rt
I stared at the floor.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiRRvPG7wT
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0fzk8TcJK
It’s not their fault. It was never their fault.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivOxXzVQG3
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSi7JTR0R4
He let out a long exhale from across me.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucccHfIYob
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pLvji13Bi
“I know,” he said. “You think it’s your fault.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67H3XzQQRu
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrCNaB60k2
“You don’t understand…” I looked up at him. I looked up at his face. And for the first time I actually looked. Really looked. And I noticed immediately. His hair, messy and dark. Clearly never been introduced to a comb. His face that looked sharper than I expected up close. Angular in a way that would have been striking if he put any effort into it at all, which I assumed was something he would never do. He’s taller than me by some noticeable margin. And his eyes were just looking back at me. Dark and direct and completely still. Intense, in a way that made sense of why people avoided them. But honest. Telling me that all he just said was true. “Don’t say it like that about them. They tried. They really tried to help me. They tried everything.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuynL90JD0D
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYg0mFndcL
He held my stare. Never looked away, never felt threatened. Somehow it was more unnerving than if he had.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuMY1tyimH
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SNiCgYq6s
“You’re right,” he said. “I don’t understand.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QGp5qWHWd
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1eZH90KkA
He looked around and then stopped his gaze on me.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxDudoVqET
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0Zm7swOFZ
“But from where I’m standing. All of you are at fault.” His voice cut through my excuses. “Not because they gave up, but because none of you understood why it wasn’t working. Not them. Not you. Nobody stopped to ask the right question.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBspiYSA8oF
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsBHPb7ibg
Where I failed, he succeeded. Those words he said sank deep inside me. But the quiet my friends had surrounded me with, made me feel like it sank deeper for them.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrphSxLCaMw
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrk86wJNM1
“Studying is a skill,” he said suddenly. “It’s not something you either have or don’t. It’s something you learn. Something you can get better at. But only if you understand how.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWjaKZvqlg
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtQeCJZw4q
That stuck inside my thoughts.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXWiI9pQdb
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBYr4VvwGF
A skill.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzc4ByU60pf
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzpl5W5erd
Not a talent. Not something you either had or didn’t. Something you could actually get better at.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9WMKdjPr2
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwhnEdZGdA
Which sounded like exactly the kind of thing someone said right before they sold you something.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXSpPNRUUI
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XuqtOjlnl
And yet.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD91KjG6tFU
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXDI3zGdFH
I wanted to believe it so badly. I wanted it to be real. But I don’t know if he was telling the truth. I don’t know if I could actually trust his words.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNarNx5MuC
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJEETNfOpo
He moved towards his bag and carried it with his hand towards the back door of the classroom where he suddenly stopped.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGKAvtRh7c
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSviqNfpDxm
I watched him. He was moving slowly, but not as slow as I remembered a few minutes ago.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOy4jmMe9P0
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNvxkdxmWk
“If I help you,” he said, “you’ll be in the top ten of our grade by the end of the year.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hOLu0bXLs
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd24b811vdA
Mika’s eyebrow went up.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrfsJRJxuG
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7o0lGkX260
I didn’t say anything. I just listened.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bJAgyByr7
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9fulpphWw
“It won’t be easy,” he continued. “But it’s achievable.” He stared at me. “If you agree to my condition.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFUhmt0ILa
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkGfOWALsK
And just like that. He was gone.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKwK0onKbS
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17OqUSj7CK
Nobody was making a sound. Not even Yui, who I thought would’ve already said something ridiculous but she stayed behind me gripping her arms around me tighter than before.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72AsnqCDpV
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsCyqo9JpJ
“He called me annoying.” Mika broke the silence. Her voice had a mix of ‘about to get angry’ and ‘about to get confused’.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMt38zPPOf
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oId1StGP7
“He called all of us by name,” Hina offered.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxRhNspMvi
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVhe6BAzbR
“He specifically called me annoying!”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRUNoJwiCr
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBxBp0PME8
“He also assessed all our academic capabilities without ever being asked.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5L8S6xeqW
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeR3AVdguvp
“That’s creepy and also not the point.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWrkdwtRJj
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWDCuWl5hd
“He was wrong to call you annoying,” Hina said. “But was he wrong about everything else?”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Dk5aTbLUJ
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8AbZp6oz0
Mika slowly stared at the floor. “...No.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjlugHpSMR
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMevspPytlm
“I was hurt as well, since he was right.” Hina carefully walked towards Mika, then she placed her hand on Mika’s head. “But I think he is someone we can trust,” she said and her familiar smile returned.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6MJPLtS2G
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9fhf7ErzZ
“How do you know that?” Yui finally spoke, peeking at Hina from behind me.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHq7Z5xxZPi
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGglVrcbt1l
Hina smiled wider. “I just do.” She glanced at Yui and gave her a little wink.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsa7XWOxlrn
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmVCBAovyU
“You can be really weird sometimes,” Yui told her.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwljSEUNKYA
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyt2vFEQzV0
And I agreed with Yui. I didn’t know what to think. Everything he said seemed too good to be true. Top ten? In just a year?86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWIgKihFvq
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgd6EmJXTv2
I looked at the folded paper in my hand.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyafF5DF3W
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidrnAWaBfk
“… I still don’t trust him,” Mika said quietly. But I heard it.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OD78i8XQf
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhC8ICiU79
I don’t either. But the hope he gave me was uncomfortable and at the same time something that I wanted to hold onto. Something that maybe could turn my life around.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXbaGVgK3F
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UbKTKaHfZ
I closed my fingers around the paper.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiiETvwZm6
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbws7cZVrML
This idea is terrible, I thought.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMptl108IS
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMCW4dgS9F
And yet.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fuPPrwjXK
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSZcZhcQlE
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgbtDf5Bgh
Tuesday, afternoon86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7jxBCeAII
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9aA30N9q0
On the walk to the station, Yui and Hina did most of the talking.
Yui finally regained enough of her composure for her to tell us stories about what was happening in another class. Specifically class 2-C. And she presented them with such focus and energy that she was like delivering some breaking news. Hina listened as she always did and sometimes contributed to them as well.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSWUixs8VN
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUVnulrFU0
I laughed with them. I said the right things. I didn’t want to show that what happened just a few moments ago was still shaking my thoughts.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZi4dBstxV
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNyjboy5l1
Mika walked beside me like she always did. She wasn’t talking.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjK5u2OOpn
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SGE6FcVy2
That was always how she got when something was sitting on her. The words went inward instead of out. I knew because I’d been watching it happen since we were small enough that the walk between our houses felt like an adventure.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfcNGuVSQ7
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHAvntirj7
We split at the station like we always did. Yui and Hina going one direction, Mika and I going the other. Yui waved her hands as she rode the train with Hina. I smiled at her. And then they were gone.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66MRhA7CsF
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVluI6lg4VE
The train was quiet for the few stops between school and home, and by the time we were walking the familiar street toward our houses the afternoon had gone golden and long around us.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPnmWLzPt6
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysTQ9xOH1V
Mika hadn’t said anything yet.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjvOQq02Ps
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrHGDKNnEx
I let her be.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSCx8Hfhjx
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡip2osi7bNg
“Will you go?” she asked finally.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwURITXDmm
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaZrMTiQKv
“I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure. Maybe I was sure.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPpM2ELuMo
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVoPy3hUTV
I don’t know. I repeated in my head.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1NLMLknQh
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjF9DLBJQh
“He’s not someone you can trust easily,” Mika continued.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVqfqY5cv4
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VQmbRQcQ0
“I know.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYnaMLYcKU
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7O6riKI3f
“Everything he said…” She stopped herself. I knew what the end of that sentence was.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeieoKfXYo
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ohXIhkkM6
Sounds impossible. Doesn’t add up. Doesn’t make sense.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGPbv4KnCw
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8aMObDoE3
“I know,” I said again.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoG4cA9Wkv
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKo0JZRXFK
We walked half a block without talking.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hIhrIEnx0
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKp9uoeVkON
“I’m sorry,” Mika said. Softer this time. “I keep thinking, if we’d tried harder, or differently…”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0URwWJS2Nb
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡue7JPNzvgN
“Stop,” I said gently. “It’s not yours to be sorry for. I mean it.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTQ58lW1vx
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc32iGK5qrI
“I want to try again. We can start over, do it differently…”
“Mika…”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWyd2Fc31m
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWq3CUeMGfb
She went quiet.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozlxACOEqV
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmussNfrVD
“You already tried,” I said. “You all did. And I know you would again if I asked. But I also know it didn’t work, and I don’t know why, and maybe that’s what he was talking about.” I looked at the street ahead. “The right question nobody asked.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlw5oEi6FXu
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX92mLNQVj4
Mika kept silent as we continued to walk.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4YsyhOoGK
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKmHWrVeqv
A few seconds later.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57ghwNa4Fa
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVZzYMcnpt
“If you decide to go,” Mika said eventually, “and anything feels wrong…”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NnHBx82vt
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Gen8kNh6x
“I’ll call you immediately.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOAyuVCkqG
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lTjzqagSa
“Before immediately.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oVb0kpkgy
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzGAaFjGr6
“Before immediately,” I agreed.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wx3uu4FHa
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPUnzxJZyc
“I don’t want you to go.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZXUlV9NPu
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAh1kzXxYzW
“I know.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFplSYx4cHN
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLvRKIpyVC
“But you’re going to anyway.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSKV9Qxrlc
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIKGMRP1ax
I looked at the folded paper still in my hand.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7Hojb7D8V
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mIre619Mg
“...Maybe,” I said.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0vv3tiBB4
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtpLsZ2uRh
Mika exhaled. She knew that at this point she would never be able to convince me.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Yf2DUtzrM
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeZxjgiOfB
I smiled at her.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9W76A0Dwz
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2swtshUtj
“Stay safe,” she said. “Call me when you get there. Call me when you leave.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj25e22dER3
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hgTIMx78D
“Okay, mom.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllHHxTYJJx
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFrQFFdebS
“I’m serious.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCSiaOP9Ed
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyobLKe8DY
“I know you are. That’s why I said it.”86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefhxXN2iFx
She smiled at me but as soon as she turned away, I caught her trying to hide an expression she didn’t want me to see.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WTTlxKiVn
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMoGPCG6fJ
I looked up at the sky instead. The clouds had turned colors, orange edging into pink at the horizon, the blue above it going deeper.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTx4nPy94H
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdaa4Aaobh
Will I go?86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aBYArU3Zo
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA54VWHbnpi
I didn’t have the answer yet.86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCazEfcwtl
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmISdGd1Cnk
But I was running out of time to keep saying I didn’t know.
86Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUP9tKeuvHk
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