中文
背書
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(筆速飛快、一字不漏)明月幾時有?把酒問青天。不知天上宮闕……
內心真實33Please respect copyright.PENANAmg4wZLCOjS
幾百年前個阿伯飲醉酒、望住個熱氣球咁大嘅月亮發神經寫落嘅隨筆,今日竟然要我罰抄十次、一字不漏、連個標點符號錯咗都要扣分?佢當初寫完都唔會記得自己寫咗啲咩,憑咩要我大腦全自動硬碟複製?我背完出嚟,聽日買嘢食可以當錢使啊?
白話文
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作者借用眼前枯萎的盆栽,寄託了對故鄉的思念與光陰逝去的無奈……
內心真實33Please respect copyright.PENANAsOMXbsFFlu
作者自己寫嗰陣都沒諗咁多,你班考評局出題佬夾硬通靈,問我塊葉枯咗代表咩,又點解要寫天空?叫原作者,甚至你哋考評局班友黎考都未必合格。人哋作者無辜寫篇文出嚟抒發一下情緒比你哋班考評局攞咗去做閱讀考材,要幾萬人幫佢解讀內心世界,係咪幼稚園未畢業要人估心事,仲要搞到人哋無啦啦害死好多人,食咗你哋隻屎貓?
文言文
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(望住一堆之)此處的「之」字,乃是代詞,代指前文所提及的……
內心真實33Please respect copyright.PENANA4249hM9PdK
成篇文好似密碼學一樣,幾百個字冇一個字係人話。古人平時講嘢係咪有語言障礙?一兩句說話明明可以用白話文講完,就硬係要精簡到好似寫密碼咁。我依家係考中文,定係代表聯邦調查局去破譯古代摩斯密碼?你直接俾返個繁體翻譯我,問我作者呢度代表咗啲咩,又抒發咗啲咩情感咪算囉,點解要叫我哋翻譯?而家仲真係會有人走去寫文言文咩
作文
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「(起筆狂寫)看著那道斑駁的木門,我不禁駐足思索,那正是人與人之間跨越隔閡的象徵……」
內心真實33Please respect copyright.PENANAd2J4P8OYqG
年年題目都係嗰幾款,一係叫我喺寫不少日常生活中的美好(我嘅日常生活剩係得食飯屙屎瞓覺返學何來美好?)、大自然的生命光芒(多謝考評局奪走我人生嘅光芒),一係要我強行記起一啲無愧的選擇(我一生人最後悔嘅選擇就係點解要喺地球出世)。我今年先十幾歲,人生邊有咁多大道理同感悟?為咗高分,個個都要喺卷度夾硬死老豆、死阿嫲、或者無啦啦喺條街度喊,根本係大型比拼邊個作得最煽情、最虛偽嘅鬥慘大會!
英文
Reading
表面33Please respect copyright.PENANANVuAjwbrwq
According to paragraph 3, the author implies that...
內心真實33Please respect copyright.PENANAMrA7vr2VRA
弱智,明明一兩個字就可以直接答完嘅嘢(例如 'He felt sad because…'),就硬係要我喺篇文度抄返句長到嘔、成堆生字嘅作狀對白出嚟。仲要無啦啦捉我錯 s 、錯 Past Tense、漏咗 Passive Voice。你明我講咩咪得囉,英國人平時講嘢都無你咁多規矩,I am not ai,if human can do no mistakes and know everything,every vocab,it’s meaningless to have dictionary….33Please respect copyright.PENANAbGHl4MuMRJ
Speaking
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(面帶微笑,高頻率點頭)I see your point, and I totally agree with you. Furthermore, I think we should...」
內心真實33Please respect copyright.PENANA7BYNhWQycQ
Agree 你老母咩。你講嘅英文成個印度咖哩佬噉嘅音,grammar 錯到七彩,我都費事踼爆你。一班香港人喺間房度夾硬用英文圍爐、講埋啲無稜兩可嘅廢話,仲要扮到自己係好有禮貌嘅紳士淑女。如果唔係考緊試,我一早用廣東話叫你收嗲啦,’I see your point’?我 see 你個大頭鬼啊!
Writing
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(起筆狂作)First and foremost, it is globally acknowledged that climate change has posed a significant threat...
內心真實33Please respect copyright.PENANA1dSsGrlhhv
平時明明一句 'Earth is tend to be more hot which is becoming more important to us as…' 搞掂,考試就偏偏要逼我用埋啲幾十個英文字母組成嘅怪獸 Vocab,仲要夾硬用齊一堆連外國人都唔會講嘅高級句式。用詞越作狀、廢話越多就越高分,根本係培育緊我哋做全自動垃圾話生成器。
Listening 33Please respect copyright.PENANAUTltNe3b9e
表面33Please respect copyright.PENANAzOQYUUaV9I
(神情凝重,瘋狂抄 Notes)(date,place,who)...」
內心真實33Please respect copyright.PENANAKbEZGGucEy
錄音入面嗰幾個人係咪有弱智或者精神分裂?一個普通嘅行程,明明一封 WhatsApp 甚至一句說話就搞掂,佢哋就硬係要喺度打電話、開會、欲言又止、改完時間又改地點,喺度兜足十個圈,真係喺Listening裏便先至可以搵到咁大個花園俾你兜。我依家係考英文,定係幫你班無起承轉合、邏輯混亂嘅自閉症患者做秘書、執手尾啊?
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