Suddenly and out of nowhere, Evermorne had been attacked!
Jumping straight into the action, I fought three angels really hard and killed them really good. “Wow good job Chylce,” one random student said in an admiring kind of way. Then another angel flew by and ripped their guts out so that they flew all over the place and got stuck all over the hangings. “Yuck!” I shouted, skipping backward and crinkling my nose up in a cute kind of way. I don’t really remember what their name was, probably because they weren’t very important or interesting.
But even though that was how it was, it was also still super upsetting and super annoying actually. Because I was so nice, and because I had learned the true meaning of love and friendship, it really fucking pissed me off. Plus, I kinda felt like it’s my job to be in charge since all the students looked up to me. But thinking about that too much made me bored, so I stopped thinking that then. Instead I immediately I hopped right back onto the action. Quickly I beheaded someone and salted some magic powders out of a pocket-skull to change their head into a powerful fireball pipebomb.
Then I dashed forward and used my famous volleyball skills to spike the pipeball over a magical forcefield that had been erected* there, hopping from another student’s shoulders to show teamwork. The head bounced once and then exploded and sludged everyone inside the field into a red slop filled with popped sacs and soggy skin. “Way to go Chloce?” one student called, totally admiring me. Oh noes! I thought sarcastic-ishly, flipping my luscious locks (hair) over my equally luscious but significantly less hairy shoulder. Annoning! It was Shaw, an annoying bonehead that was totally into me. Of course so was his hole class, so you never know.
Suddenly Shaq was swamped by a huge mass of tiny cherub angels wielding daggers and flapping their tiny wings like a huge baby-shaped carpet of irritated hornets. I realized then that the cherubs must have finished killing of all the flying monkey servants! Shaq screamed ogrely as his lumpy body was carpeted over by and stabbed apart by the murderous immortal babies, whom it was important to note at this point where not actually actual babies, just magical creatures that just happened to look like them. This of coarse meant that it was not horrifying at all when Jeoerg the German exchange student summoned his small army of Ogolim creatures (Ogolimbs were artificial bodies/construct Infused with Essence at a distance (though their master), which was how they became alive instead of dead, and also why they were powerful. These ones cooked like large golem-like creatures two times as tall as Man, and three times thicker (not like that!) and with giant spikes and barbed wire wrapped or stuck around or in them. They wore large armor chunks and welded clubs made of corpses that had been turned into iron by the thirteenth-year transformification class and then enchanted with a bone-splitting spell by the seventh-year Curses & How to Counter Them class, which had actually been my idea originally) he had spent the last few months creating and commanded them to kick the babies apart.
Although again, just to iterate, they are not babies, just baby-shaped demons basically, and also very evil and deserving of being stomped apart. “Way to go Jorge!” I shouted, waggling fingers his way. I could see that underneath his mustache he smiled in response. Then he climbed up onto one of the golem-like Ogolim creatures and started pointing and screaming in German, pounding his fist and spitting all over the place. That was how he commanded them.
At this point in time it has to be mentioned that I was of course wearing my best battle outfit, which was both highly effective and super-highly stylish. It was made out of the finest type of material which were enchanted with mine own magic and packed full of over-the-countercurses and ancient Aztec skin-hexes. I was wearing a black lacy Kevlar bra that had been an enchant upon it to make it combat-worthy, over that I was wearing a black leather battle-corset set with real space-whalebones with frilly lace edging and seven silver zippers that had silver skull pull-tabs made of silver with teeny rubies stuck into their weeny little eyecockets that matched my wide black leather belt with silver-buckle shaped like an autistic knot of thorny vines —— the belt was equipped with thirteen glass bottles filled with glowing potions and liquidfied nerve gases, and there were silver SuperKnives edged with death essence hidden all throughover my corset(which was also lined with hidden armor pates made out of pure platinum since that was the strongest element) and I had in my hands a long witch-knife made out of a hunk of obsidian since that was the most deadliest element. Meanwhile my lushly locks had grown more glossy, more dark, more fuller and more longer over the past several years, transforming into a main of perfect silky rope. Quickly I pinned it back felicately yet also firmly with a pear of human-bone barrettes from the Batican. The fact that I was different than I had been before was because of my extensive training with my muscles and my brain and my other body pieces.
Seven years of magic class had translated me into a new person, or really actually just the same person underneath but a new and more cool version of that person, although diffident enough to be interesting and new. My hair also went down my middle back and bushed the tippy tops of my skirt, which had a white lace liner with skull and heart designs stitched into it below a knife-pleated satin skirt embroidered with black gems and magical runes, which went down to mid-thigh. Below that I was wearing knee-high silk stocks atop a set of steel-toed glossy black Doc Martens that had red laces tied in a rose pattern.
On top of the stockings I was wearing shorter black leggings made out of black Kevlar fishnet that looked like it was made out of spider silk (if spider silk was black instead of white and also wasn’t sticky, and didn’t come out of a spider’s ass either). Suddenly a pillar blew up as a meteor hit it, pulverizing thirteen first years and sending their pieces every which where. “Nooo!” The school screamed, wincing as Timmy Tucker splatted onto a wall and shattered a stand of antique gothic battle-ballgowns.
Even more suddenly, I squeeze out am aura deflection field, blowing the chunks of rock and first year back like bullets into the offensive angel. Those same chunks shot holes through his wings and liver, sending him flying down in flames, like a crashing fighter jet that was actually a man in a white robe and carrying a sword that impaled him in the groin when he landed. The spiral-type fall was so similar, I had immediately noticed, by drawing on my extensive knowledge of airplanes, men, and falling.
Another angel I erupted into flame by changing his sweat to gasoline and igniting a ireball with my evil eye, which was a powerful and ancient artifact surgically grafted into my soul-socket as a reward for completing the Quest of the Corruption of Time last summer. “Burn, bitch! Don’t sizzle my outfit on your way out!” It was very cool and useful for look-based bagic, but more then that it was also very aesthetic and tended to make men swoon themselves when they saw me. Honestly, that part was lowkey actually annoying tbh, seeing since that already happened with more frequently than subscriptions to my OnlyDans account (lol). Anyway meanwhile I was still fighting, too:
“God the Father? More like God the Farter!” I mocked cleverly, calling out to my enemies as I battled them while talking. That clever little barb made one angel really mad. “Stop that!” he whined, zooming in like a starving 13-pound terrier trapped inside a meth den who had spotted a small window of freedom complete with juicy squirrel through the newly-opened door. Quickly and easily I spun out of the way, back-flipping and slicing his little chicken wings clean off as I double-somersaulted through the air gracefully. It was actually really hard though, since angels were skilled and strong and immortal and stuff———the only main deference was that I was just that good at this shit.
Suddenly I had PSTD. “Oh my God no…” I moaned in terror and sudden torturedness, sinking gracefully to my knees. The battle happened around me in slow-motion, sounds becoming all weird and warped and with that whiny ringing noise like you get after a bomb explodes. Highly traumatic memories of other battles I had been in suddenly seared into my precious adorable brain, leaving me even more tortured and mysterious than ever before. I felt the flashbacks swelling up like infected hives…
Two months ago. The battle of Los Angeles, AKA——the City of Angels. The name fit tightly, and it fit well. Still, maybe it should’ve have been named “City of Suffering”, because that’s all that I remember from being there. I was kneeling in the ruins of downtown, my heart shattered, my soul tattered. I cried as I remembered my poor precious Scaar, dead forever with his soul flayed apart. I barely even payed any attention to the wizard battle happening right in front of me: “We all now you’re dementia degenernation has peaked an alltime high,” Nogogogondoro smattered as a sharp barb. The dark wizard hovered forward through the air in a threatening way, and I couldn’t help but notice that you could barely even see his face in the dark light-lacking urban environment.Dolomonon purpled beechily. “Know one nows that! Its entirely false, indeed I say!” “And what about all the students you’ve run you’re experiments up on then them?” Nogo countered in a ready and quickly way. “Rumor says it that you’ve got quite the killstreak on those children going.” But Solomon shaved his eyes down to little slits, giving off sort of a psycho killer bibe. “You cannot prove anything of that shit. Only one thing is for sure. I should’ve smothered you in the crib!” Then they waged at each other with magic, expoding the area intently with purple lightning and fiery blasts of flickery flame-like fire. And also rocks and energy blades. Solo suddenly summoned an ambush tree, spiking the new trunk right up Gordo’s ass.
The dark wizard yelled and melted into a pool of equally dark oil that dunk down into the earth, then erupted around Solomonons’s robings, boiling into hellfire. Soloman yanked himelf away to the aside with glowing lines of magic, then spawned in blazing energy blades on his staff and arms as Negerondo reformed into a giant roided-up bear man animal. Selemon pupputeered his own wiry body with the magic strings, wamnking himself into a puppet ninja but with magic swords. Mean while, the Bear-ondero roared savagely and opened up his mouth parts. There are big crystals buried in there instead of teeth and they charge out with a beam of lightning fire, spraying at the dumble in the ahead area. With a fang and blash, we all saw Solomen’s outer vest explode into magic glass. “That’s a Charged Vestment,” a nerdy character interjected quickedly, out of nowhere but still making since sense there was the fight and everything. “It absorbed the bast!” It was true, but now it was gone and no more chances. The bear swiped a sword-claw back and forth, swordfighting with its ancient ashy opp, then reared back and charged an other bang into its mouth.198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpDfAcVz1i
Son summoned a flashbang by clapping (his hands!) and then drew up a big snake in mid air, which after then summoned in slinkily: a gaunt pythogon, armored in scales. It lunged and bited at the bear, bearing its forty venom-fangs that spat with green ick, but the bare just blasted his scaly ass with lightning fire—butt off an sudden the scales popped into handgrenads with, so by/of, a dance of Solomom’s hands. The snake rapped around the bear and exploded, shredding shapnel every which where with a banging boom. But Nogomomdero suddenly appeared behind Soloron, and everyone realized at then that there was a great big mirror between them, which had been reflecting on an illusion of Gondor this whole time!
The individual of reduced lumination earthbended some sharp pokey rocks into the air, using his fire to melt them into metal cinders and a flock of flies to assemble them into armor. Summoner shot needles out from his sleeves, popping chunks of cancer into the fiery metal armour, but then the cancer rotted into new swarms of flies that blocked the attacks and swarm over towards their wizenmaster, who fired off a few barks of fire, then pulled the air together in sheets—like paper, or maybe beds, not anything else though just to be clearp——and released them forward like blasts of shockwaves.
The cancer flies flew asideways and splattered into smoke: The dark witchard grunged forwards with magic speed (the moving kind, not meth) and smacked Golomon back with a crack of his old back(solunoms not nemo).and ass he flew he thust out a fan forwardly, sending his own spraying blood inward the armor guy. But then he landed and got hurt really bad, and the dark man abroached, turning some vines into a barby whip to kill the old man. But them the old injured wizard laughed and plucked his fingers wierdly, and suddenly the dark wizard fell down, screaming!
We all saw and noticed and a sort of gap in the amroir, where the sockwaves had busted loose with their hidden trap. I knew with my knowledge of magic then tat he (Somulon) had bended his own blood into the banned man-witch. I qwinced——this was rowing toward ugly. Surely enough for certain, the dark witchard’s veins all erupted from out of the armor-hole from earlier, pulled out by Somonon’s blood spell. Some pansies gagged them but then for me I just watched, ridgily but accepting. Ignoring the screaming of pain, Somonan twisted the veins into a bunch of steel cables, then he lit them on hellfire and sent them down through the armor to lash. We heard a bunch of screaming and sizzly noises. Then Nogondero died. “Wow!” Nerd said, asstounded. He was new to the school and hadn’t seen magic yet. But the injuries were still in play! A wincy Senomon couched and drew out a bottle from his hacked ribside, dunking it cuck. Color returned from its vacation on his face, and healthily he hexed too students in to help him up, all casually. Then Nogonders body blew up, exploding with a massive burst that instantly killed the remainder;s students who were their. A suicide bomber can trip! I affirmed horrifically and also correctly, before blacking out and escaping because of the explosion.
That was the last of what I remembered, but it wasn’t the worst by far. The memories of my precious, sexy, shredded, heavily scarred Scaak trickled into my beaguered brain like something sweet and trickly. “Love, you cruel mistress,” I wheezed tearfully. Like maybe honey or something, only more poetic. “Why, love! Whyyyy…!” It seemed like at that point in time all was lost, since the school was basically useless without my help.
Suddenly and against all odds, I succeeded! The universe had tried to fuck me over, but it forgot that I liked that shit. I leapt twelve feet into the air, rocketing with a triumphant soar of light as my magic-heavy soul reacted to that. The angels and students all stammered into a stop, staring in overawe at my overwelming overawesomeness. I smiled catishly and jumped again into the ceiling, killing an angel when I fell down. Then I started killing even harder and more gracefully, and my aura began to blast with awesomeness. We were going to win!
But despite all my awesomeness I could see that the school was still somehow losing the battle because the angels and their servants were just too insanely strong. Both muscles and magic.
Suddenly a huge roar activated, and I saw that Sean had deployed the steampunk defense mechanisms built into the walls of the castle academy. In this case, sets of huge solid gold fully autotactic 666 minimeter cannons unfolded themselves from certain dozen spots on the vaulted ceilings and started exploding giant bullets toward the enemy. The bullets were super affective, splatting angels apart left and right center. However I immediately noticed all the shots were missing, probably because the person aiming them was hot garbage.
Immediately I dodged an attack and reached out a hand, activating my mind-control bracelet to take control of the cannons. Then I twirled and twisted and dodged through a huge flock of angels, poking their asses with magical red-hot bands to annoy them and get them to chase me. Well, that worked, and I was forced to fly far into the air with the jet-rocket function on my Doc Martens. I couldn’t actually fly (yet), but the jets let me skim and shoot and swoop through the air pretty well, like a ballet artist performing on the wing of a F22 raptor. I reached out and took control of the cannons with my mind-control bracelet, commanding them directly with my mind. The cannons roared and banged with a sound so loud it could killed people, their bullets becoming way fore accurate with the adding of my aiming skills.
Suddenly I spun, roundhousing an angel and cracking his temple open so that it leaked brain juice everywhere, and also simultaniously landed a 360 trick shot on a squadron of angels as they aimed at me with my trusty 12-gauge side arm. Suddenly a new angel arrived, slicing a few students apart and kicking one through the wall. It was Mike, from before! “Beold! God shall wipe with the Earth, for the sin of man is great!” Once he had finished his sermon, he raised an hand and suddenly a golden God-like light blazed out from it in a huge beam. Immediately everything that touched the beam melted into steamy slag that was actually liquid gold. The fire and/or heat and/or beam also spat sporks all over the place, triggering fires in the drapes. “Feel God’s wrath!” he quipped. Then he sweeped the beam over my cannons, totally melting them into goldly goo that steamed and scorched the floor…
The upper layer of my combat corset was completely ruined!
“Motherfucker!” I swore in anger and was forced to Dark-Souls-roll out of the way of his beam attack. My friend character from earlier Jenna suddenly summoned a large force field made out of enchanted necro-skeletons, blocking the beam and bouncing it back into his face. “Fuck!” he shouted and, sizzling, slammed into the floor like a beefy berobed pigeon. “OMG nice shot girl,” I noticed. We did our secret handshake then which was totally cute and adorbs. “Wow what a way to go you guys! Now quick, finish him off!” a student encouraged, although I did notice how he (Peter) stared at our asses in a perverted way that made me pissed off. Unfortunately and as I already said many (read: most (read: all)) of the male in the school was strongly fixated on our asses.***
It was not very surprising since we looked so great, but it was very definitely extremely annoying and cringe, and honestly kind of unfair that I looked so much sexier then Jenna since that left me all alone in the getting-oogled department. Since I was a good friend, however, I didn’t hold that against her. Just like that I could never help being borne into the bleary world with all the beauty of an Aphrodite, she was could never help being popped out of her mom the way that she was.
So it twas that the both of us turned in opposite directions simultaneously, back-to-back, both launching powerful magic at our own targets. Jeena sent a large wave of Moses Fire crashing through the skeleton wall, beating back another few angels and stunning the main tough one so that he staggered all over the floor. She also snatched a few dozens stone bows from the hundreds of cherub statues sculpted into the ceiling with telekinesis, making them fall into the hands of the skeletons. At the same time and with one hand I transformified them, and suddenly the skeleton-wall all raised their newly-gotten rocket launchers and fired it at the evil angel. The explosions backlight me in a cool and epic way as I swept my other hand forward and mailed a huge bolt of cursed lightning toward pervy Peter, frying him into a corpse in an instant. “Whoops,” I called sarcastically. “How misfortunate!”
Making good use of my time-stretching ability (which at this point in time was still not very overpowered and could only last for a few hours of time), I reached out, mind thinking normally fast but body moving a little sluggishly fast, and sent out first a large crystal ahead of the lighting so that it reflected into a rainbow of different-colored plasma bolts (which is, of course, what lightning actually is if you probably didn’t know). Time to show these tryhards what’s going to go down happen here, thought grimly while I had the time. At the same time I wove my fingers witchily and lashed out with a magical lasso-of-nine-tails, looping the loops around the necks of each lightning bolt just in a nick of time. With those emplace I pulled and directed my little army of lightning bots, swinging them back toward me this time. Instantly the time spell died and everything was in normal time again —— only this time I was wielding nine different lightning bolts that snaked through the air like snakes, trying to escape my lassos but held in them for the time bean.
The snake-bolts spun and whirled in huge circles around me and I started swinging them at anything that came near. Each time they touched an enemy the bolt exploded with a huge blast of energy, blowing their body into steaming chunks that slapped onto the floor like they were grapes in a giant castle-shaped microwave. Then, before I ran out of them completely, I swung the last three right into the main angel’s head, blowing him backward and smashing an angel-shaped hole through several stone walls. “Yes queen!” Jenna said, and we did our secret handshake again. Then she summoned her flying horse and left to mop up more of the evil goblins that were attacking the front gates. “Chyloce!” I heard Ferek shriek in a manly way, and suddenly I realized that there were several angels were attacking me. “Umm, what the fuck…? How did you creeps get so close?” They sneered at me, flexing huge beefy angel-like bodies. “It was easy, you stupid bitch. We pretended to be some statues to blend in! Now kneel down and put your hands on your head!”
Another angel leered at me, totally ogling my amazing body. He rubbed his hands together in a goblin=like way. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m a rapist,” he admitted quietly in a creepy way. He actually looked like Cannibal Lector only with better hair and bigger eyebags. “Eww gross!” I spurned scornfully, skipping backward and crinkling my nose up in a cute way, also using every last ounce of the spite stuffed into my dead black heart to make him cry and snivel.
Still, they were about to get me!
Suddenly I heard something. “Cyle!” I heard Derek shriek in a manly way, and suddenly I realized that he was flying down toward the angels. He stomped creepy’s head down into his chest and cut another angel into four separate chunks with the sharp cutting part of his sword. Then he turned and blasted out a wave of scythe energy into the rest with his arm and or wing. The energy was pure black, like a very black shadow, and it corroded and destroyed anything that it touched, like if the angels were Lego sets being picked apart by a huge homocidal toddler who had the speed and precision of a timelapse video.
The angels screamed in terror and extra-cruciating agony, golden flashes of light farting from their dead bodies as their souls were ripped apart like a tiger-size scratchpost made out of hopes, dreams, and twenty pounds of wet toilet paper. “Omg god one babe,” I appreciated, wrapping my arms around his neck very romantically. “Thanks babe,” he revealed, smirking smorkily. “Omg your such an adorbs dork,” I cooned, and then we started kissing, and it was with the tongues.
But suddenly something bad happened! “Face me!” Mike roared. He had returned, and he didn’t even look hurt even a little bitty bit! I gasped and stumbled back dramatically, clutching at my heart while also smoothing my dress to unfuck it from being pressed on Derek’s black jeans.
Meanwhile, Mike was still somehow blabbering on! “You mortals digust me. Stupid, greedy, and you can’t even follow the most basic rules.” He jabbed a finger at me, and I noticed how in a different set of circumstances he would be tots hot. But because I was strong, I suppressed the urge to oogle when his robe went all tighty on his heiney. “Well, it if isn’t Chlose Darkrose Anna Annestella. The so-claimed Mortal Vessel, supposed Champion of the Night, claimed Reclaimer of the Shadowshard, Beaker of Hearts, Slayer of the Ascended Incubim, winner of the Biannual Evermorne Student Body Tournement of Magical Studies, valedictorian and two-time prom queen, First Champion of the Death Games, Keeper of the Time Device, Doom of the Dark Kingdom Evordor, protege of Madame Medea the Overwitch, professional horse rider specifically of the legend-level flying horse Megamane, Slayer of Desmonds, She Who Spat in the Holy Grail, guest judge on the International Gala of Magical Fashion, Lover of the Dark Prince of Hell, Lover of the Tortured One, Antichrist and Chief Witch of the Black Rose Cult Society, The Helenator, winner of Miss America Beauty Pageant. To me you are pathetic and not important!”
I flipped him off sassily, but unfortunately he was immune to that. The angel hovered closer, pointing his flaming sword at Derek. Immediately I noticed that his huge beefy arms were super bulgy and that they had lots of sexy veins on them (although not too too much to where it gets all squicky). “And you, “Derk”, are even worse. You should have been one of us! After all, we’re not so diffident, you and I,” he lectured majestically. Darker scowled and flipped him off, doing a butterfly trick with his sword, the Shard of Darkness, which we had stolen from Satan downtown one time. “Yeah? You and which army?” They suddenly they flew into a rage, flying at each with their wings and slashing at each other with their swords and kicking at each other with their feet and legs. The speed of their fighting was so high that it basically looked like an anime battle.
At first it seemed like Derek would win since he was a lot more faster and stronger, but then suddenly Micheal sped up until he was a blur, speeding forward and instantly blocking Derek’s sword with one forearm without even getting scratched. It was completely impossible.
Instantly there was a shush and a stillness in the building as many students stopped in place, shocked.
Then many of them fell over into pieces and I realized that they weren’t actually shocked, and that the angel had just killed them super quickly. That’s impossible! No one can survive that sword! “Umm, what the fuck?”
Muchail shot forward at the exact speed of a bullet and punched Derek in the face so hard his beautiful dimple chin crumpled, and then what happened was that my boyfriend flew back fifty seven feet and slammed into a wall that was too far away for me to reach in time. “Oh noes!” I gasped dramatically, covering my mouth with one hand while slicing an exposed jugular with the other hand.
Derek flew back up, backflipping five times in a row and landing on his designer Converse. But without even flinching, Mike just waved a hand, obviously clenching himself, and Derek suddenly was frozen under a magical force of majesty. “Feel the Lord’s pain!” Michael roared, clenching even harder. Derek suddenly shook and screamed, black tears leaking from his black eyes, and blood immediately exploded out of his pores from pure pain. Instantly he flew backward fifteen feet and bounced down a set of sixteen stairs and collapsed onto the floor.
What was even worse was that Michael reached out his hands and began to command the golden goop from earlier, which was still molten and scorching. He made it flow across the marble, burning students and trapping Derek before he could finish being stunned. “Oh no!” Mike smiled and grabbed the god-beam from earlier, directing it toward my helpless trapped boyfriend. Derek was completely cornered, and I could see that he was about to die!
Lucky for him, I was the school’s best student in tactical class and had learned how to avoid any attack. “Derek! Dodge!” I shouted. He nodded in thanks and smashed open the wall behind him, shattering glass everywhere. The beam meanwhile was still crawling toward him, and because that goo was everywhere he couldn’t get away. At the exactly the last moment he humped out the window, fakking all the way down into the ground outside. (that made kind of a smart loud smack sound btw and I cringed in sympathy then since I’m am an empath.) But at least he was safe, for the moment.
In sudden powerful anger I used all of my power to create a huge spike that I hurled into the angel guy in a place that I won’t say. He screamed in pain, and I took the chance to snatch four ancient artifacts from a special pocket strapped to my thigh. I threw those at Michale, teleporting them halfway through when I saw him trying to catch them. I teleported them carefully, focusing all my attention on exactly the right spot, straining my brain so hard it hurt and blood leaked out my nose, which happened sometimes when I used powerful magic. “What the-? NO! AHHHHHHHH…!” Michael screamed. The nails had impaling him on his wrists and hands and ankles. “You like that? Those are the original Jesus nails,” I taunted, and flicked my fingers to activate their ability. Instantly the universe folded in on itself for a brief moment of time (not enough to really damage anything), shaking the earth and cracking apart every temple-type of building for several miles. Instantly the angel was banished from the earth, the nails dropping down onto the ground. Then they melted out over the floor since they were one-use only.
Finally and at last we the battle were over and the evil angels were all dead. Except, I instantly realized, for a chunky little cherub that flew away while whining and crying like a little baby, which made actually a lot of sense actually. “Cherubs” were actually what happened when babies died without being baptized: They became evil interdimensional entities doomed to serve the God for forever, assuming they didn’t have any magical talent to dodge him with. “Damnit to Hell!” I swore, pounding one fist into the other fist. I was wearing my combat nails, which were about four inches long and lacquered with a magical makeup material that turned their sharp edges into translucent titanium since that was the deadliest element. They were also shaped like cat claws since they were magically retractable, and I had painted them a deep black with little skull runes up the middle that altogether spelled out the Lizard Tongue word for “Death”, since I had been practicing my curses lately. “Indeed, yes,” Headmaster Solomon said grimly. “This means that He will hear what we bodied his boys.” It was a grim victory all over; it was a fearic victory. Full of fear, the victory was. The most tragic type of way to win, I surmurized internally and also correctly. Even though we won, the castle and ground were all erupted and scrotched and blistered, basically just being damaged and disrepaired. Plus there were a lot of corpses everywhere but not in a cool aesthetic way.
That made me feel dramatic, so I clutched at Derek and ponterrificated painfully romantically. “Oh my dear be beloved wuggy-buggy wangel,” I hissed mornfully, “,what will be become of us!” I covered my eyes with a spare hand and leaned back dramatically like the way that dancers do, hanging from his shoulder, using my famous battle-ballet skills to become graceful and mysterious.
Sudden, Deek smlacked me, hard. “Ow!” I cried. It made me fall down and cringing in pain, and my beautiful minidress fluff with silk sounds around my newly-bunched-up legs. But then Doakes approached and looked at me and reached in and grabbed my face in a loving way. “See? That’s how you looking at other men makes me feel like. Except way way worse, and… inside.” Telepathically I knew instantly that I had tortured him when I had checked out Mike the sexy angel.
I dodded because I understood. “Oh Derek,” I whispered in a romantic way. Meanwhile he was smoldering so hard I bet smoke was basically coming out of his jacket. Then we kissed. “Oh Derek,” I simpered smolderingly, staring deeply into his deep dark peepers. “You are so so right. I can’t even believe that I ever was so so into that Scar guy!” Derek glowered but in a cute way that didn’t scare me. “Yeah, well, I can’t believe that either,” he said darkly, grimacing but in a cute way that didn’t squick me. “Well, at least now we are together,” I convened cordially, smiling a small sassy sexy-type smile. “We are together,” he admitted. “But I want to be togetherer. Forver.” I gushed loudly them: “Oh Derek! That’s is like, so so romantic!” It was. But before our relationshop could progress in any way, we were suddenly interrupted! Everyone —— moreso the other student bodies —— had suddenly gathered around us and started capping with their hands. The moment made my confusion come out in my voice as words: “Like, whaaat…?” Everyone was talking and crowding around me! “They’re praising you Cloche.” “But why?” “Yeah, I second that. How come?” “Well its because of something simply straight forward.” “But what’s that?” “Yeah, just answer the question already.” “Yeah, I second that.” “Me third!” “And me too!” “OK, alright, OK, Jesus. It’s because you saved us, Chocley! I mean, how could we not praise you for that? The way you used those cannons!?” “Oh hi Circe —— just swinging by! I wanted to tell you good job on saving the school —— I could see your karate skills were really showing out.” “Oh OK, yeah.” “Me too, I noticed that too!” “Plus you are so cool and, um, totally sexy and hot,” another added in. “What he said. Actually, will you uhhh, maybe uhh, date me? Sorry it’s just I’m been crushing on you for like five years haha!” “Umm, that’s totally a pass from me on that front. Sorry not sorry though!” “OH ok, but let me know if you need anything. Just consider me you’re humble servant.” “Ummm… I guess you could maybe clean the thirtieth-floor toilet? That one’s my favoirette, so yeah, lol” “Of course at once! Bye-bye Bryce!” “And I will also help too! Anything you need, m’lady!” “OK then.”
I nodded, bangs bouncing adorably. “OK, alright, OK. This all makes sense. But the question of course is what to we do now?” The doom darkened harshly as I said that as everyone considered what the battle would mean for Evoremorn. Son Dolmen, taking the charge, strode up onto the large lecternlike talking platform that hovered in the air above the main eating hall, which was somewhat like an old castle-type eating hall only way bigger and more magical and decorated with several thousand gothic statues. It was about the size and look of an extra gothic and very artsy football stadium, making it one of the smaller eating areas at Evemore. A huge set of enchanted magical piping-pieces unfolded themselves in a mechanical way from the ceiling, desending themselves down toward the Headmaster Mage, or at least until they wee right in front of his head so that he could speak into them, which he did at that point in time. “Attention, yes, attention to me everyone! This is thou most wise and handsome Headmaster speaking onto thee by means of mine Invisible National Totally Effective Radio Call Oracle Master Matrix system.” He dropped a lemon dop onto his tongues, which were actually snakes. This seemed to do something.
“Ahem. I’m am most regretful to announce something most aweful and terrible, something that should never ever should have happened and was a stupid thing of all of you do to.” I folded arms and crossed legs and tilted head and raised eyebrow at him. “Ummm, fuck you first of all,” I countered prominently. “But lasso, what the fuck are you even babbling about?!” The Soloman scowled. “I am talking about YOU, Chyloce Darkrose Anna Esastella. By hacking at those angels, you have doomed us all. Well, all of you kiddos anyway, Il’ll be just fine. Point being you’ve completely fucked over your fellow students and also my retirement plan!” “What? Why?” the students asked. “What? Why? Because you have unleased eternal war upon us! Powerful forces have now been unfolded against us, and you little shits are to blame.” He accidentally breathed on the mic, causing everyone to clutch their ears in pain at the magically loud sqeauk.
“Whoops. Well, like I was saying. I guess this means I’ll have to make a token effort to defund the school, huh? But I say unto thee verily, every and each one shalt partake of this here endeavor of our defensiveness, yes indeed, verily. Not one shalt be suffered hereto to be slothlike, no not one, not one tot or jittle. All shalt bear arms to the defense of our school and its island area.” The students all looked at each other, then to Solomon, then to Me. I realized with my sixth sense that they ——e.i. everyone——was counting on someone. And that someone was Chylce Darkrose Anna Essastella. E.e. AKA, me.
The stakes were super high. Death surrounded us on every wing, waiting for us to look away from a unlocked door so it could sprint inside and voilate us. Some mysterious and as-for-yet unknown but very cosmic and very powerful force had declared war on my only home of ten years —— the only place in the whole entire universe that deserved me. The same very place that had shown me how powerful and beautiful I actually was, and that I wasn’t actually a pathetic loser that sucked giant donkey dick at everything she tried to do, like everyone told me online. If I led them wrong, we could all die and have our souls scraped out and tortured for several thousand billion years. More importantly, I would lose my black-hearted immortal boyfriend. Even importantly, I would lose my new amazing life before I could even really taste it, and be forced to go back to being a bonody with too much talent to be recognized by her piers. One single thing was for absolutely sure: I needed to get this right.
I breathed in through my immaculate nose and opened my artsy, amathystean eyes. The long lashes had the perfect amount of black glitter mascara when they batted open, even though they were already plenty thick and didn’t need it.
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk28Ky0YaRh
“Well?!” I announced, hands on hips. “We have a war to be winners in. Get moving!”
and then Add to home screen.