你好，我是莊坌但。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTlaXE7mtP
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNl9G83deF
等等，你現在一定「噗嗤」的笑了出來，然後想著這是什麼白痴名字啊？438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMzruiGXof
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ565p02Y8Gq
對，我也覺得這名字很白痴，尤其這還是我爸整整一年叫我兒子，終於在我一歲整時，去找個算命師特別算出來的名字，據說是九五之尊的好名字。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaUZDk8c2m
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMd0zcfJJJS
我覺得這應該是九五加滿的屁名字，九五個屁。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkTjeHtwD4
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhBruVpsGJ
再說說當我爸第二天再帶我去找那個算命師時，那個算命師竟然被警察抄掉了。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRueGHavkeV
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8u1g1rBNHU
媽的，在我面前被抄掉耶。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtmZLjiuOt
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrehnMOuTSD
我想這件事絕對對我造成很大的創傷，不然我也不會把一歲發生的事記到現在了。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyZPjeddsp
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbB0B5A1XQv
更別說每次的自我介紹了，那簡直是地獄。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjBx0Mb33K
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvTC2r1xXK
「大家好，我叫……黑板上的就是我的名字。」我總是低著頭，不想看到班上同學討論我名字的嘴臉，那會讓我不小心上社會新聞頭版。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpENBjfkUD
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhI7NrDi5b
小學一年級，同學看不懂我的名字，還有種「你好屌喔」的感覺。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5husYcOiF
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbrIxX36zh
到了小學六年級，那真的很恐怖。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGXE0OAZTj
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFnkqzR2I7
「喂，那叫莊什麼但？」一個看起來長大會拿刀跟別人問好的同學，轉頭問一個年紀輕輕就戴了看起來和戴起來度數都超深的眼鏡的同學。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavH657OQPZ
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPqhUTrhQc
「坌，念起來就跟笨蛋的笨一樣。」戴眼鏡的同學想都沒想就講出來。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFupAzcWFio
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDF6raH7Q2
全班開始爆笑，我只能站在台上傻笑，一直笑，不然我會想掐死那個戴眼鏡的同學。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TvXV7xL71
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGXh7SA0Yv
請把這個畫面重播，這也是我國高中自我介紹時，所發生的慘劇。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4GJx7tGVA
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3ncKITpjg
而我的綽號，也一路走來，始終如一的「笨蛋」加上一個會心一笑。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6hxkeRSSc
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ189iakRC45
大學聯誼時，我想我就像是在地獄被天使笑吧。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIwJY9oRaB
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvR9qZT2lKh
「你好，我是……」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhFqi8hY42
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnm3enIiBWI
「他的名字叫莊坌但喔！超厲害的對不對？坌就是大坌坑文化那個坌，但就是但是的那個但，所以我們都叫他笨蛋喔，超屌的對不對？」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg01jogJB8L
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmwaUCT0N0
室友真是幫我介紹的相當好……個屁！438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAevjnoeFhx
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIAKgtZxHT
我就只能傻愣愣的笑，然後對面女生就摀著嘴笑。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOFU2oOeKt
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEU785x3HG
偏偏，我的長相比普通還普通，也沒有有錢的老爸，更沒有找男人屁眼的癖好，所以我一直沒有女朋友。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2LndA7ecX
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDbEGt5QVJ
畢竟，誰也不想叫「笨蛋的女朋友」吧？438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXO92w5A4oH
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrNZuQWTQQ
再說說我的人生吧，這名字絕對是個詛咒！438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4Vmwhf3za
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUSrCM6sPe
從小體適能1600跑走就是我的惡夢，更別說在那段期間我身體的抵抗力還會自動升級一個level！438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJH6eQ7Gk6
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtI2CxfoRFE
此時你一定會想，抵抗力提升有啥不好？438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMPaqPpeTs
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilbtU4Adhi
不好啊非常的不好啊！438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOV6uBw1RK
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJeenRM9JDL
感冒簡直跟我是好碰友，我家擺的藥也簡直可以開一間藥局了。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0s4MwnKGB
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9arTTJBTdE
而體育老師的規定，只要身體不舒服就可以不用參加，前提是，他會陪著你去保健室。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡug0gFc3YaR
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oZc1ll1dW
但是，就算測體適能前一天，我的鼻子還在被鼻涕強姦，只要一覺醒來，我就能夠用鼻子呼吸，然後痰也會自動消失，肚子痛什麼的也一併痊癒！438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpxtFTNKUE
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHoX9d9FUs
然後我當然只能哀怨的等著老師點到我的名字，接著緩緩的跑完1600……或是走完。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nCgX7eobI
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5erVWyjaVk
出了社會，總是得找份工作。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNAbe6OmXR
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5oGt8HS9K
我自己買了台50CC通勤。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2SAauGq6d
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Z9PRH66U7
但我想它跟我一樣，體弱多病。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSWk2IxxyL
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRpsiXAq5j
常常停個紅燈後，它就不想動了，所以我得一個月去車行一次，不然我就只能走路去上班。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyHp8uSIDL
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyGOVSR4rp
而且我想，它是台只要載別人就會很威猛的50CC。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54f4GJE5OG
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSs1Cwh2SwZ
「坌但我今天坐公車來，等等載我回家喔。」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9XROrgZ26
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4zHZzXCBd
「喔，不過我的50CC很爛，有可能一半就掛了喔。」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡso2DUhEIUV
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNNc4ODqFV
「哎呀，沒差啦，真的掛了再說。」438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vrDFyeST7
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIEqaNyt2b
然後，我很順利的將同事載回去，而我家的50CC在路上連熄火都沒有。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRKAUDGLvS
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8EQDLdmYy
「沒很爛啊，聽它引擎的聲音感覺很猛咧。」同事在他家門前這樣說。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsj7pGipbkE
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxiF4dMtAs
我發動50CC，然後同事關門。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqKQe9hOcD
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VfBVvNAF3
它熄火，我傻眼。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpI8rwTnTS
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qhk4yheiP
好險我跟我同事回家的路是同一條，所以我一邊緩緩的牽著它回家，一邊罵著它這台竟然給主人熄火的50CC。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcCsI5n4FI
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAt67R0fa4t
當然，出了社會還是沒有女朋友。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEQWgo0PyH
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtNBfR5VFy
畢竟誰也不想當「笨蛋的女朋友」乃至於「笨蛋的老婆」吧。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmdwpT6aei
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZ9B8ieJHs
但叫坌但又不是我的錯！438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWoGRdLpXI
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgsDsDzIeo
我無聊環顧著新租來的房子──前一棟因為地震垮了，隔壁的房子頂多家具壞掉，偏偏就我的整棟垮掉──看到了我目前用不到，以後可能也用不到的雙人沙發。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivxyvaKvTc
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6yFx5SsBv
我打開筆電，百無聊賴的看著日本的動畫，也許我還是希望能夠像裡面的主角一樣，開個後宮吧？438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuIHbiXN8x
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhsZaMD4n3
不過那就叫「笨蛋的後宮」了，想到這裡，我竟然不自禁的笑了出來，笑到眼淚都飆了出來。438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKyIwPnjaD
438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgaYuFDQag
混帳，一個人的人生哪是名字能夠決定的啊！438Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsaNShrAXn
笨蛋與殺手
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