隔天夜裡，風從窗縫鑽進來。房間裡很安靜，只有鍵盤偶爾的敲擊聲。
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賴夏陽正坐在書桌前看著模擬考解答，眼神有些恍惚。他揉了揉太陽穴，覺得最近頭老是痛，胸口也悶得很。
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhieFEtZqJy
「應該只是太累了吧……」他低聲說，拿起水杯灌了一口。
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UHUXvDkng
但下一秒，他突然開始猛烈地咳嗽——
一聲接著一聲，喉嚨像被火燒一樣難受。
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGQk9vhr2H
他急忙起身想去廁所，卻沒走兩步就扶著牆滑坐下來。
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrgssIgilK
咳嗽沒有停，他的手掌按住嘴，卻感覺到一陣濕潤的黏膩。
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當他看見掌心那一抹鮮紅時，整個人都愣住了。
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那不是鼻血——
是血，從喉嚨咳出來的。
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他沒有馬上驚慌，只是安靜地坐在地上，看著那血跡發了一會兒呆。
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「……怎麼會這樣？」
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他的聲音幾乎聽不見。
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2i5zDyWN1c
幾分鐘後，他勉強起身，洗掉手上的血，換了件衣服，悄悄出門。
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沒有跟任何人說。
他只是覺得，不能再拖了。
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這件事，他必須一個人知道答案。
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KrwyDXInj
醫院的空氣聞起來總是混著消毒水味道，冷冷的，有點刺鼻。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5h1yiQhBC
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賴夏陽拿著掛號單，坐在等候區的角落，帽子壓得低低的，背包放在腳邊。他左手插著口袋，右手握著手機，螢幕亮著，但他根本沒在看。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBojKU6yIS
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他沒告訴任何人。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bZUDzoVwK
不是不信任，只是——不想讓別人擔心。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpCO18UFL9
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「賴夏陽先生，請進診間三。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUad2hz6fwk
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGZCYMBPW7
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他站起來，深吸一口氣，走進診間。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9SgYFy04B
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—150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXH3ykGuno2
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醫生是個中年男人，戴著眼鏡，臉上表情一如既往的冷靜與專業。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1embWgCHSz
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他看著報告，看了很久。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggk4sryy3n
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「你的影像資料我們已經仔細判讀過了。」醫生說，聲音平靜卻緩慢，「目前來看，肺部的異常陰影已經明顯擴散，我們懷疑是惡性腫瘤。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaJrIFJZ1P
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賴夏陽一時間沒有反應。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cSMlXAYaT
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他甚至下意識笑了一下：「惡性……什麼？」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkXNeZjqgU
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「肺腺癌，第三期偏晚。建議你盡快安排更進一步的切片與全身檢查，並與家屬討論治療方向，後天再來做一次檢查。」醫生說完這句，才抬起頭看著他：「你今天是一個人來的？」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6spnj62Ea1
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「嗯……我爸媽都在外地工作，不方便過來。」他語氣輕鬆，但指尖抓緊了背包的拉鍊。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDhSYJUgve
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「這不是小病，孩子。」醫生的語氣比剛才溫柔了些，「如果你信得過我，我們會陪你走下一步，但你要讓身邊的人知道。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZyIX0Bbc2
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夏陽笑了笑：「我知道了。謝謝你。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGrlGKUJKp
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—150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Z8Ey25lE3
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走出醫院那一刻，陽光很強。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Dwbb8Osnf
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他站在門口的陰影下，低頭看著手裡那份檢查報告。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUYtal6nL0
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手有一點抖。他不記得自己最後一次怕成這樣是什麼時候——是國小第一次騎腳踏車摔倒？還是那次父母吵架，把家裡東西摔得亂七八糟？150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdB2KJMUyF
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都不是。這種感覺更孤單。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc87LRWFKYr
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他把報告折起來，收進背包最底層。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgHb7C98IL
接著掏出手機，給冬月傳了一則訊息：150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggGnhMNttT
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【等等要不要吃甜不辣？我今天嘴巴很饞。】150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01Ilrqhm8T
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螢幕亮起時，心裡的某個東西也默默碎了一小塊。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFR5sYrxMCe
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但他的語氣，還是一如往常的陽光。
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這天，醫院裡沒什麼人，窗外陰雲低壓，像雨快要落下。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfU41me1DJ
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賴夏陽坐在診間外，一隻手撐著額頭，一隻手握著手機，螢幕停在一張和陳冬月的合照。照片裡她笑得很甜，笑眼彎彎，而他就在旁邊笑著看她。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAB6Iq6Cd7
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診間的門開了。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcOceZVqYg
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「賴夏陽，進來吧。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT19uyQeQlP
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—150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYTxaTqUnm
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這次的報告比上次厚了一些。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ruGp3Tvbw
醫生沒有立刻說話，而是翻閱資料，再三確認過數據後才抬起頭。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOAPrCrFlN
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「夏陽，這次的結果出來了。我們已經進行過切片、影像與血液標記檢查……很遺憾地告訴你——你目前的病情是肺腺癌第四期，癌細胞已經轉移到淋巴與骨骼組織。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP86M93sh1x
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他愣了一下，眼睛眨也沒眨，但胸口突然像被重錘打了一下。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoM92Ss2P6l
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醫生語氣盡量柔和：「以目前情況來看，若不接受侵入性治療，存活期大約只剩下三個月左右。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8IXsGk8SM
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「……三個月。」他重複了一次，聲音低得像喃喃自語。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEld5pckGHY
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「是。」醫生點頭，「如果願意配合化療、標靶，或許可以爭取更多時間，但這些治療……會很辛苦，副作用也很強。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ixUBBVSye
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcFZ4SmV1A
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTOc7Ua2Ae
賴夏陽沒有馬上說話，只是靜靜地坐著，視線落在桌面某個角落。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSi8DjzWrcv
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150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoYGl0SdN2
「這些話你今天第一次聽到，可能會很難接受。」醫生遞了一杯水給他，「你需要一些時間，也建議你讓家人知道，這不是你可以獨自扛下的事。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bQJ9Iymdl
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbRHPpJHRP
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他看著那杯水，手卻沒伸出去。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGdFgjyzO6
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「……謝謝你告訴我。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlklobBfVx
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「夏陽——」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxr272adLo
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「我知道該怎麼做。」他輕輕打斷醫生，語氣還是那麼平靜，「我只是……還有幾個人，我想再陪陪他們，然後，我會處理好我自己的事。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImA0wzPz2e
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—150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3uINkeToU
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走出診間的時候，他沒哭。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNLAHn5tP3
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只是手指一直摩擦著褲邊的縫線，像是用這個動作提醒自己還活著。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqdLk7xDaK
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三個月。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt61qc9ZLyv
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這是醫生說出口，但彷彿用刀刻在他心口的字。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbn2ZXHmM28
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他走到醫院樓下，站在陽光底下。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtlt9iuZX5
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這天的天氣很好，天空藍得像不會崩塌的夢。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRMgAzuvhw
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可他知道，自己的世界，開始倒數了。
醫生說，只剩三個月。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEHB6S0cvy
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「不過也有例外。」
「你可以選擇化療，但……機會不大。」
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他搖了搖頭。
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他想到冬月。
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不行，他不能讓她親眼看見他一點一點地衰弱。
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那會成為她一輩子的夢魘。
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他要把最好的自己，留在她記憶裡。
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那幾天，他突然變得格外貼心，天天接她放學、帶她去吃她喜歡的甜點、看電影、吹風，什麼都順著她。
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冬月察覺到他的異樣，卻說不上來是哪裡。
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她只知道，這幾天像一場夢。
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是他們之間，最美的一場夢。
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—
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幾天後，他開始變冷淡，不再主動、不再回訊息，眼神也不再柔軟。
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她問他：「你怎麼了？」
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他只是淡淡地說：「我們……是不是該給彼此一點空間？」
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她愣住。
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一顆心，瞬間凍住。
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—
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然後，他消失了。
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只留下一封信。
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「小月亮，對不起，我太自私了。我不想讓妳看著我慢慢死去。妳值得更好的人生、更完整的愛。
所以我選擇一個人去走這段路——
到我人生最後的冬天。」
and then Add to home screen.