The sun passed over our little leaf on the map, leaving behind days that seemed unremarkable at times. Where Cinderfall was concerned, I followed all the rules and took Priestess Serrina's words to heart. I even sat through an entire class of Arcane Admonitions without any fuss. My sudden lack of rants startled Maister Rorke. Every now and then, he’d pause and leer at me to see if I were ready to interrupt him.
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Our teacher Serrina carried on as normal, though I always felt the unique sting of her gaze. In complete contrast to her attitude, everybody seemed amused by my outburst during that one lesson. They even bestowed upon me a new nickname, the 'limping vulgarity,' which wasn't clever but had a nice double entendre.
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None of it mattered.
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I had grown up around the immature kids who sought warranted and unwarranted sleights with the acuity of a hawk and grace of swine. But hey, I was penitent. I performed all tasks as instructed, quietly sat through lessons, learned, and the like. Most of the time, I looked forward to the study sessions with Roy and the infinitely eccentric Elise. It was a surprise, but a pleasant one to be sure. Since our sessions in the library were meant for tome study, I hoped our praiseworthy priestess would grant me some leeway, and that I could find a pinch of praise whenever I took part in the lesson. Just a little! If you’ll smite me at my weakest, at least show me a bit of satisfaction for my strengths! Show me you care!
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A lot of emotion welled up inside of me. Almost no one saw or even knew what was going on.
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In case one governess was not enough, I still had Fitness class to be anxious about. Throughout the semester, I would do my best to avoid Instructor Friege and her sweaty ire. My every attempt to satisfy her extreme demands came with pain and the sensation that my body was on the brink of collapse. All the while, my mind would dry up in creativity and go blank from exhaustion. My vision would often become hazy from the gambit. Among the blurs, the sight of green and overgrowth subsumed the old arena. But when I beheld that mighty structure of the ancients, I remembered at least that I didn't have to fight for anyone's amusement.
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I felt solace from how other students grew accustomed to things. They saw my struggle; but also, they saw me. No condescension, no pity, and no inclination to help. Even if haughty children had the urge, I doubted Friege would let them be bullies to me or anyone else. Nevertheless, their behavior became inconsequential.
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Under the sun, above the sand, and in the shadow of the arena, I rested in the fetal position and fought the urge to go bathe with the other girls, no matter my desires. Rather, I spent that afternoon outside the wall where I started mulling away from boredom. Why does a wall protect a school? That question always fell right on my heels. I couldn’t be the only one asking. I suppose Cinderfall was neither humble nor unimportant. Consider: it was a prestigious school for high borne and commoners alike. More than a school of renown in the region, Cinderfall Academy held many imperial accolades, meaning it was among the seven great academies. To be an instructor was prestigious, and the children of many lords and ladies attended. I guess, if enough important people flowed into one pocket of the country, a wall would be necessary.
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Elise’s sun-sanguine face edged slowly above me, blocking the low sunlight. My eyes had remained shut, but I could recognize her footsteps with ease. Dozing off on grass laden with inconsequence, I wanted to ask her every question that had plagued me so far.
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"Do you ever wonder why there’s a wall?" she muttered first.
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“As crazy as you are, you somehow remind me that the world is not so crazy,” I said.
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"You sure? Ever hear of ghouls, Wispers, Werewolves, and Wywolves?” She kneeled down and gently angled herself to land her head on my lap. I sat up, practically towering over her with only the upper half of my body. I remember the listlessness in her gaze. Nothing came awkwardly to her. She was a lass in the moment, at every interval, pretty and inevitable… like nature.
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"Do you think there are blood-drinkers and rabid furs in Baumwolland?" I asked, not expecting a serious answer.
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"Maybe. It may be. Monsters prefer to come out at night, so don’t be fooled by what ya see. Daytime can dement thee. Think of the sun as the cloak, lulling us into a false sense of security before impending night." Was that a serious look in her eyes? I thought. When did she get so pensive? Or was it experience seeping through her words?
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"I suppose you're right.”
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"And, in case you forgot, there was a war in this region just before we were born. Scavenging monsters scurry about in packs; and folk too embittered, driveling and starving to clean up the battlefield thought monsters were too stupid to break into homes.”
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"Since when did you know so much about monsters? Somebody wants that diamond seal in bestial science..."
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"Also," she resumed, “who knows how many secrets are locked in this academy."
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Slowly, I sat up and caught her solemn gaze quiver under the setting sun. Warm light rubbered her face into a ginger red. "What kinds of secrets?"
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"I don't know, but why does our headmaster lock himself in a stone keep with magical wards?"
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"How do you know it has magical wards?"
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"Why wouldn't it have magical wards? Why go through all the effort of building a big block of stone if it’s going to be vulnerable to magic?"
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"Eh, that's a good point." I felt my naivety creeping in by the second. Then, I noticed a mass of bodies stomping down the dirt road. They were close enough that I could distinguish nothing but boy figures. Tall and brawny for boys, however. Elise was staring as well.
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"Squires," I told her. “It’s early, isn’t it?”
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"Simple sons back from another war game."
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"Why do you call them that?"
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"They follow orders; they march to a drum; they’re sheep, noble or not. They swear themselves to a righteous yet hollow set of words. Why?”
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"You really don't like the church, do you?"
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Elise shook her head. "It's not... not the church, exactly. People who don't behave like people, they send chills down my spine. They could be something else in a sack of skin… Watch yourself around them.”
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"That explains why you dislike Serrina."
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"I don't dislike the priestess. She seems like a decent enough human. But, again, she just sends shivers down my spine. Remember that story I told you when we first met?"
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"That one where you casually mention almost being... you know..."
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"Well, things didn’t end there. I was rescued"—her fingers performed air quotes—"'rescued' by an Inquisitor's entourage."
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"Uhuh…"
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"No, listen. My fascination of that night lies not with the bloody vampire. It was the Inquisitor's face: it was rigid, like stone. Soulless. His eyes—I will never forget them—like a pair of marbles in a dark recess. I felt nothing coming from them, nothing from him when he lifted his catalyst brazier and scorched that screaming nightwalker into ash. He was awfully casual. I mean, yes, it was a creature of the night; but it was living, right? At the least, it seemed like it wanted to."
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I thought I understood why she did not recount the whole story when she first told it. "Maybe that’s what happens when you hunt monsters for a living. Look at Ludwig."
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"I believe that this was different..."
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"How so?"
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She shook her head. “Because the Inquisitor looked at me with the same pair of eyes that carried out the slaughter. I may as well have been the vampire. It didn’t feel like a rescue; it felt like one predator had replaced another.”
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I leaned my head back. I was not sure what to say to Elise then. "As it is, so must it be."
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"Whatever that means..." Indifference colored her face.
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I could not relate to Elise’s story, needless to say. One thing was and stays certain; I felt nothing akin to remorse when the hellhound that held me in its clutches was skewered by the warden. I'm glad he did it. Fear from that night lives in me, the physical pain more present than a memory. And because of memory loss, that day was my birthday. I was born in Mortem, on Maxim of the Astral Calendar, east of here. It may be that I died on that day in that city as well.
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