Some people laugh to heal.
Some laughed to hide.
Aksa is both.
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That morning Jogja was cool. The sun has not yet completely stinged, and the wind from the north brings the smell of dried flowers falling from the ketapang trees on the side of the road.
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Aksa pedaled his bike slowly. Not in a hurry, not really having a goal. Sometimes, he just wants to feel alive through simple things.
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Like hearing the sound of a creaking wheel, or a dry leaf being run over mercilessly.
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He stopped by Pak Kirno's warkop, a place where he usually has breakfast. Not because the food is delicious, but because the place is crowded enough to feel not alone, and quiet enough not to have to explain anything.
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"It's Hot Coffee, sir. Same know bacem one," said Aksa while putting his bicycle helmet on the table.
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"Aren't you going to college again?" Asked Mr. Kirno while pouring coffee.
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"I'm on leave again. I'm looking for something that can be more... filling," answered Aksa, half honestly.
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"Find your wallet or fill your heart?" Mr. Kirno snapped.
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Aksa chuckled, nodding half-heartedly. "If you can both, Sir."
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While sipping coffee, Aksa opened best friend's group chat. Morning chat as usual: memes, lecturer gossip, and weekend movie plans.
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But Aksa only reads. Not replying. Not today.
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Because there is something heavier than just being lazy to reply. That is when you feel inappropriate to be in that conversation.
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Flashback – 1 Year Ago
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He once tried to tell a story. One night, when Rere was too drunk and Arul fell asleep in the angkringan.
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Aksa open his mouth. Just a little. About how it feels to lose. About fear. About his body that feels damaged. About that long night.
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But...
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“Well, bro. You just need healing! Let's go for a walk tomorrow. To Parangtritis, no need to think hard."
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And at that moment, Aksa closed the door that was almost open.
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Back to this morning...
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He pedaled his bike again, crossed the empty campus, the crowded Malioboro street, and the park where he used to stay alone.
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Until...
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He almost hit someone.
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Crash!
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"Eh, sorry! Sorry, Ma'am!" Aksa exclaimed.
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The woman just glanced at him. Cold. Didn't say a word.
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She is wearing a black jacket, his hair is shoulder-length short, and his eyes are... empty. Like having experienced loss many times.
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That was the first time Aksa met Sekar.
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Aksa looked at the woman's back who was moving away. There is something strange.
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Usually, when meeting random people, the human reaction is 'forgetting'. But this time, there was something in Aksa's chest that was left behind by the woman's departure.
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In the afternoon, in the meeting:
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"Aksa! Hey! Why didn't pick up first?" Rere asked while handing a seblak towards him.
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Aksa just shrugged. Sit down. Then smile for a moment.
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"Meet a strange person today."
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"Female?" Dina asked quickly.
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Aksa just nodded.
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"Beautiful?" Arul asked.
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"It's cold," replied Aksa. "Like... not the person you want to be close to. But you are curious."
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Aksa's mind:
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"Who is he? Just saw it for the first time, but... it's like there's a familiar feeling."
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"And..."
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"Why am I attracted to someone who doesn't even really see me?"
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Maybe because I know the taste. And want to know... if he also hides something like me.
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At night, Aksa returned to the park where he almost hit the woman.
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He sat on the same bench. Staring at the sky.
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And... see that woman again. Alone. Sitting far at the end, with a cigarette that hasn't been lit.
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Without thinking twice, Aksa walked slowly.
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That night, without them knowing, each other's lives will start to change.
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