Angie連自己點破處都對我毫無忌諱,我搞完佢進入聖人mode之後,即刻好內疚,我覺得,自己欠佢一個交代。
點解要交代?可能發生關係之後,我當佢係一個親近嘅人,朋友又好乜都好,想對佢坦白。
「其實我已經移咗民英國。」我一啖吞咗個誠實豆沙包落肚。
佢合埋眼,氣氛頓時窒息,乜嘢都無回應,有一刻我甚至懷疑佢係咪聽唔到。
良久,佢先開口。「咁你幾時走?」
「下星期一。」今日係星期二,餘下6日。
「咁......你其實返咗來幾耐?」
「上個星期一返。」
「下?原來你今次係特登返來食女,食一食就返去?」佢難以置信咁苦笑。「咁你都幾成功喎,咁短時間都俾你食到。」
我無法否認。
佢又合返埋眼,大家好耐都無講一句話。
我拍咗佢膊頭一下,吞吞吐吐。「其實仲有一件事......」
「又咩呀!」今次佢未聽先嬲,明顯已經失去咗信任。
「其實我結咗婚......」
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3年前移英前夕,當晚我太太約咗班friend玩,個時仲係疫情時期好多禁令,但佢近12點都未返。100Please respect copyright.PENANA31h1JMWJJs
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當時我立即打去問佢去咗邊,佢話食緊飯。
「咩話?但宜家禁咗夜晚堂食喇喎。」100Please respect copyright.PENANAdIe2nMqSCk
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「......我哋成班去咗staycation叫外賣食。」100Please respect copyright.PENANAPUKiq3ak6o
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當時我不免有幾分懷疑,佢去酒店房食飯,唔事先同我講聲,要追問先講?我知大家可能會話我好天真,但我平日確實感受到佢各種日常生活對我嘅關愛,我同佢價值觀、生活上都好夾,而且佢大小事都好遷就我。100Please respect copyright.PENANAut4wXGsHOu
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okok! 咁太太有無出軌先!我都想知,佢話當晚係成班朋友一齊,大家想最後一晚見耐啲。我嬲到聲都震埋,佢即刻飛的返來,入屋一刻佢叫我唔好亂諗,但究竟發生咩事我已無法確認。100Please respect copyright.PENANA0O10BtxTjb
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呢件事一直係我心目中一條刺。莫泊桑有個故事寫男主角好錫自己個寶貝仔,但無辦法證明個仔係咪佢親生,於是每次攬個仔,都會煩惱不堪。佢嘅仔係佢生命嘅意義所在,但佢永世無法證實,一直珍愛嘅,會唔會只係代表愛人無情嘅欺騙。
來到英國某晚,我終於趁太太訓咗打開手機來逐條check。發現原來移民之前,佢係香港一直瞞住我同某男人不時夜晚單獨食飯,而佢甚至有message向閨密承認自己中意咗呢個男人,但兩人無再進一步。100Please respect copyright.PENANAbVHLOiPjpw
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手機裡面無A片劇情咁搵到兩人嘅肉照,言談中亦好似無發生過關係,好似只停留係曖昧階段。但我已萬念俱灰半夜叫醒佢。
「我發現咗。」我話。
太太講到喊,發誓話一定無搞過。100Please respect copyright.PENANA4dGRzWK7Mo
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但,我永世唔會有證據。100Please respect copyright.PENANAC0ii3J9378
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我好似莫泊桑寫嘅男人咁可憐,而我甚至呢刻,都安慰自己,萬一就算佢有同人搞,佢最愛嘅一定係我。100Please respect copyright.PENANAa3MVvQ0kes
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諗起曾經如此美好嘅香港變咗咁多,我先離開。連枕邊人都變埋?我仲可以走去邊?我覺得自己好廢。
我問自己,佢竟然去勾佬,其實作為男人我都好想食女,人一世物一世,多年來點解唔去食多幾件?
我好需要行開一陣,當散下心。100Please respect copyright.PENANAuwLxwrlpDk
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上機前,太太攬住我講:「我知你好介意件事,你如果想食女先開心D,你去食丫,我諗我都接受到嘅......」
就係咁,我返咗來香港-----------
Angie好嬲:「我琴日食拉麵問你有無結婚,你話無,即係講大話?」
「係......但app我都講到明我係搵短期,我唔覺得第一日乜私隱都要同你講。」當時我哋仲係訓係床, 我一面死狗咁解釋,一面輕碰Angie手臂,佢即刻嬲到縮開。
「唉......點解我從來無遇過好男人咁,我其實只係想要正常嘅關係,但我呢世人好似一直都遇人不淑,個個都呃我,之前又俾朋友呃錢,我覺得自己好戇居!我好似俾人呃蝦條咁......」佢又嬲又無奈又傷心咁。
「我都唔算好呃你丫,我都有俾你知我去叫雞,其實......我都明顯唔係正經發展。就算約你轉場,我都無欺騙過你感情架。」
Angie好輕蔑咁講:「如果你欺騙到我感情都仲好啲,但問題係我對你一啲好感都無!最戇居係呢樣,我竟然同個毫無好感嘅人上床!」
女人講到咁狠咁無情,有時我真係分唔到真心定假話。
「你可唔可以應承我一件事。」佢望住天花板好似下定決心咁講。
「好。」我無問係咩,已經搶先應承,畢竟我隱瞞自己移民同結婚,就算佢幾嬲我,都係我對佢唔住在先。
「你可唔可以當無識過我。」
我有啲詫異,未及回應,Angie又開腔:「請你唔好同任何人講我哋嘅事,當無識過我見過我,從此永遠消失。」
我呆咗陣先明,佢意思係我哋之後唔單只唔會再見,甚至係記憶中都唔存在,就好似從來無認識過對方咁,徹徹底底變返做陌路人。
呢個係咪玩app食女嘅代價?溫存過後就變返nobody.
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