For better days to come, perhaps I needed a mask—a mask so convincing, so lifelike, that even I couldn’t tell if it was me beneath it. Was it the real me, or just the mask pretending to be me?
So I gave that mask a name—Rudeus.
He was a version of me, yet the complete opposite in many ways. Because, let’s be honest, I couldn’t face everything in life armed only with my inner child—the part of me that’s kind, quiet, overly forgiving, and always retreating. Rudeus was the side that could do what I wouldn’t, speak up, challenge, reach out, and walk into storms with eyes wide open.
And so, with Rudeus, I set a small but significant goal for myself:80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWgvbv3mes
To win the third coding contest hosted by Thub.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLmVS8M7tt
But it wasn’t just about winning—it was about stepping out, talking to people, understanding them, really seeing through them.
That’s when I started categorizing people—not by name or grades or reputation—but by the essence I felt in them. I called them flowers, because even the broken ones bloomed once upon a time.
Type 1: Dead Flowers
The ones who’d lost their way in life. The ones who no longer dreamed for themselves, walking paths laid out by others. They're not lazy, they're just… done. Done hoping. Done trying. These are the ones I worry about most. They say, “I’ll start today,” but their "today" never comes. They're stuck—either frozen in a future that’s too far or trapped in a past they can’t fix.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeSETbKUJH
They are lifeless, not because they want to be, but because the world took too much too soon.
Type 2: Dream Flowers
They pity me—and I pity them back. These are the hopefuls who are always "almost there."80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuKJkWks0n
They say things like:
“If I had that setup…”80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfv8MRkaAKB
“If I had more time…”80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYMRXLEtps
“If only I were like you…”80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbcbzl2W2Y
They believe they can, but never do. Because they dream with their eyes wide open but never move their feet. They envy others but won’t acknowledge effort. They are romantic escapists—scared not of failure, but of reality.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1XK64IqqE
Their dreams are loud, but their will to act is silent.
Type 3: Hopeless Flowers
My favorite kind. The ones who shouldn’t have any hope left, yet keep trying anyway. They fail, get up, fail again, and still hope. That kind of pure hope is terrifying—because it’s relentless. These are the ones who keep going, who believe the world will be kind next time.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLEG3n6DYX
They shine not despite their scars but because of them.
And here’s the strange part—I could almost read people just from a few exchanged words. It scared me sometimes, how clear they became to me so quickly.
And where did I place Seren?80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQHvinaWj2
Nowhere.
Because I couldn’t place her in any category. She wasn’t a flower in my garden of types.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwiwX61u1H
She shined.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5E4UZy6jdM
So bright, so strange, that neither my heart nor my mind could decide how to feel about it. And believe me, I have scary intuition. The kind of spidey-sense that tingles before anything happens—good or bad.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBzAq4KGmD
But with Seren?80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZAN6av2vH
I was unstable. Too much of everything and yet not enough to make sense of it.
The days flowed like gentle rivers with sudden rapids.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqTiiGUV6I
Morning bus rides were mostly talking with Seren and dozing off. At Thub, I kept learning, talking—and occasionally dancing just to keep the blood and motivation flowing.
And at THub, I met someone I’d never expected:80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTRQoTWMuO
My teacher. No… My Teacher.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXp3mbVVTpW
The first person I ever truly called that. His name—Pavan. The man who showed up every day with a spark in his heart and a joke half the class couldn’t catch. He was a Hopeless Flower—kind, real, grounded. Living not in the past or future, but in the moment. Rare. Precious.
He taught me more than tech. He taught me resilience. He taught me the difference between difficult and impossible. He called it out:
"Nothing is too easy or too hard. You just need a consistent mind and a heart that won’t quit."
And that stuck.
He even let me call him "brother"—the kind of casual, respectful connection I rarely made. And as forgetful as I am with names, I’m sure I’ll never forget his. Pavan.
Lunch was always a ritual. A sandwich. Same stall. Same sister-like figure who made it ready even before I arrived. She just knew. I did too. Guess that’s the power of committing to a single sandwich stall in a chaotic college.
Afternoons meant lectures. I dozed sometimes. Sorry, not sorry.
Evenings were golden. Seren and I would talk. Sometimes behind the buses, sometimes near them. And those short chats—those little nothings—made everything feel like something.
And then came the third coding contest.
I gave it everything.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdheOnXobCc
And I won.
For a moment, the world aligned. I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could make something out of this life. I smiled. I felt happy.
But, as always, the world noticed. And not always kindly.
People—boys, girls—started messaging me. Asking doubts. Wanting to be friends. I tried to be kind, replied to everyone. Some were genuine.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXcHW9TNxG
Some weren't.
Some misused it.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96XIavt9Wl
Some mocked it as "just talent."80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUVhspk7Xq
Do I look like a genius to you? Maybe.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ORbSrGmsB
But what they didn’t see were the sleepless nights, the tutorials, the self-doubt, the failed projects, the late-night debug marathons. They didn’t see the pain and growth. They just saw the result.
"If I were you, I’d do it too," they said.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoS1Tr5NOp
Then why didn’t you?
Only a few understood. Only a few truly acknowledged it.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyYLUS9EPE
And the rest?80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXbPF3wsiu
Their words became the fuel that kept Rudeus alive.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELAVkwH33N
Because that’s why he was born in the first place—80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPSX2oJc3z
To survive.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYP72WAGleI
To die, so I could live.
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