Poems from old years - This?

Why am I like this?

I act as if everything's ok,

When truly it's really not,

I put a fake face on,

And be a completely different person,

I say I'm fine,

When really all I want is to be fine,

I hold back my tears,

I shut my mouth,

I try to keep quiet,

And I sometimes forget that this is me,

This is a far as I'm getting,

This is who I was born to be,

Ugly, sorrowful, feeling hatred to myself,

Not giving myself a chance to evan speak, Crushed by all thoes harsh words said,

I often loose me sense into life,

I often loose control and cut to deep,

I put a smile on when all I wanna to is cry

And scream,

Why do people think I want to be like this

When truly I don't have a choice,

This is me, I've just got to deal with it,

I surposes I should just "grow up",

Maybe then I'd fell better,

Maybe I wouldn't want to kill myself as Much,

Maybe I can stop the cutting and start on a New page in my life,

Its always been a competition me,

Evan with my own family,

It's only because if I'm not good at stuff,

Who am I to them?

I would have failed at being a daughter,

A sister, a niece, a granddaughter,

A friend, and just a human being at that,

That's why I like being alone,

There's no compotition,

People can't seem my cry,

People can't see me cut,

That's why I'm good In school,

I have to be good at anything,

Or I've just failed evan if I get 1 mark wrong,

I just want to feel happiness and do it all for me,

To not feel so under pressure,

To not feel so insecure about anything,

To feel like I have a say in my own life,

To finally believe that I can love myself,

To finally believe I can just be "me".

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