從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTAKzKjNHl
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2EPTVS9yd
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0vgerf14L
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vbBae7hXi
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNm9idZjHz
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUpGXm4f1g
　　我滿意點頭。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sf8pkjjrt
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2balqP7YDd
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAvDRPGJcl
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPQt1oj7l7
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0ig0DiH5T
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyCuex8Apw
　　「不知貴不貴？」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyQI3Gt9o3
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZng8goDeI
　　「應該還好。」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOYpaOFIfn
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjxb3R02DU
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQC9pOnkvGm
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwy1gPGvhcn
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCs8wGLRO0
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6h0Bwun1Mp
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqktNHHg55
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv519adYqcL
　　我震驚了。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU70iejaawK
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6MfErHHXH
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFsL8V9QC1
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKpJ4scoIW
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcn0IihJfO
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9waBaBmFW3
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1oDyp81K3
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOl7tlLpCWM
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKVMTAZrO9
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3wBlNE3gz
　　What the hell?558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1afnLH6uS
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqauuxmQ1MC
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHVwur0ozy
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMXcysMe28
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDXLuZdFTH
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MBwAf4NCH
　　嘶——558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP59q5zyfXB
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwbnEN5iLk
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7vZmgzhAh
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczKchTDJ9W
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefu7j8yEcj
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjW7lirNNy
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOqOI3LR6Q
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQq9fQ7rB0
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltIoVANvD7
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2jjlhx7dg
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZFEgrdx3t
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4KeKsyroI
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvKeDNmdDz
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsEtBhIv5F
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulMdy0mmM4
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhc9RB3j4gC
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoaiah2y7b
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOfvYE7inA
　　然而高個子不為所動！558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVentCXxCF
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdgf6x1cvx
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjp6uKGDHxP
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbl6Lky0nF3
　　高個子依然面不改色！558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlHqpH5AR1
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqnlBRZzYi
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51rrTTa7Gi
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJj4ZS7trIh
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLxWCAtlYp
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZ67NUMdyf
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhOX1be47T
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLp4RBVXE9
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH600csGG17
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYngxR0IjD
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpUD9JxzYQ
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCY3QOnBsv
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJSB05Bs23
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qBQQbzNMJ
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07LilK4AhG
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAry6cn1is
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGljIFBreWe
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqOhTunZFA
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygRspb0hs4
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQvYsUc7kg
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplkMePooIq
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4MSBrWNql
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtG86clkt0c
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNGkmvAKn0
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDt7LsHpMp
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZaMPJpkSv
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkOYtgp2Tz
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWltCe6rxYg
　　「但我餓了。」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcKvicdTTP
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QoNBK9vur
　　「……」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PK1GZSts7
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCff6VXkV6v
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cEiNavjRJ
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsYPmx2kUc
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqnBUzC20X
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxwlfJEWR1
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzHr7WLAKV
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdtiGReNZv
　　「小語……小語……」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTGhgsPeTk
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsZmEkAnbD
　　Gya——558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBeL00jwTh
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡje3FTdPO7x
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dXdFAQBqJ
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7OS4AYzOL
　　They are fucking gay!558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34s7VK0hH8
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmPkWsVpkC
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBJQq53ZAl
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2P3BSuafqB
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyPsNFK17D
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcvxMk7UW3
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBADSJ163T
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVk1AmKJHq
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSm5KkQM5X
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUE9WWmeoeK
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV55WSTlRVi
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCXcYRlE0V
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyl45bjNSph
　　558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOtpe03NYi
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYk2Ck9hmL