
INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
240Please respect copyright.PENANAADbCfu86jg
GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAxwgtnI6n4x
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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240Please respect copyright.PENANAEAiE0LyzGb
HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANA4H1f8ZxSLK
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
240Please respect copyright.PENANAsQ3QZ3WBdS
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAn8NWV2fVfc
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANAIikIzlFbmX
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
240Please respect copyright.PENANAKTokHwE0sw
GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANARTjqpMmS5s
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANAnZJIOOkmlC
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAdMRP7DQp18
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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240Please respect copyright.PENANACAamKIY8Dn
CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANADmVdDVbwK5
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
240Please respect copyright.PENANApsfdcS72QE
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAuVZbd1bHBY
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANATAQcVRfRSj
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAnpt3p8WfAE
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANAG8fJHIeo8Z
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANACgUptDMpMT
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANAlAboW9U6ig
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAigSDB1zvXR
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANAWLHFKLqgrE
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
240Please respect copyright.PENANAIbMi5xml8A
INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANAcGGyBP3FRY
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAlqtgm6yGmj
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
240Please respect copyright.PENANA05F7qonfpG
240Please respect copyright.PENANAxipVMYcJAa
CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANA9oChrSnwJz
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAx5jLCYvOWa
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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240Please respect copyright.PENANA2tepLlz0HF
CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANAJ1gxDPrhIe
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
240Please respect copyright.PENANAtfmXlX8O5M
240Please respect copyright.PENANArRzTDPqwWw
GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANADxfo5Qd9wL
You can say that again.
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240Please respect copyright.PENANADgbonXqHdi
CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANACymsMkvDYW
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
240Please respect copyright.PENANALdNLJ5Wwrn
240Please respect copyright.PENANAXYs8Fe5Fka
GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANA0PGmBUwVkM
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON240Please respect copyright.PENANA2pyTzLXagL
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANADMnZH77pxJ
You've met?
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAXngZzmMXj4
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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240Please respect copyright.PENANAxQno6RZR4p
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON240Please respect copyright.PENANAbnEkpk66vg
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANANeLlWCULTE
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON240Please respect copyright.PENANA21wfqcZexu
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAqObnd2V2dB
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON240Please respect copyright.PENANAi8OzjK9pyO
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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240Please respect copyright.PENANABsfc1XPrAo
CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANAa45NQGtA2v
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANA0faejPlFv1
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAvse64PWc4V
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAl8KkYnHMA0
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON240Please respect copyright.PENANAAG4EM57Jdk
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANA32UQUvxCPD
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANA8bVJp5jyj3
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
240Please respect copyright.PENANAnWpTNWLari
240Please respect copyright.PENANAB399SYUtLo
CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANAeEy2vG1BpE
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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240Please respect copyright.PENANAezD4i7qqu0
GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAeX2mlCDlzm
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANA6tMVMtJ1sM
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON240Please respect copyright.PENANAog7cZ63ZIf
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANARSX6kZPaIV
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAGUucYAG4D2
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANAifwGsNGONp
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAGYviYrKLtk
I know that already!
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANAiJxg5fE6tl
I pick my nose and eat it.
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240Please respect copyright.PENANA2zwF6SCmON
SHARON240Please respect copyright.PENANA4kyn0xh7VL
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANA1DuvQmaVh7
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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240Please respect copyright.PENANAlMXAxy4k3J
SHARON240Please respect copyright.PENANA9B2vuM3Hx8
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAe2M7Xs0Sr3
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON240Please respect copyright.PENANArgWsQRGd86
Don't hurt me! Please!
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240Please respect copyright.PENANAmJT0eCZY3T
GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAIGYtCvJIr6
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
240Please respect copyright.PENANAdCsnpItrUv
240Please respect copyright.PENANAegaAWa0fKt
SHARON240Please respect copyright.PENANAcKqzT3VKjY
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
240Please respect copyright.PENANARdePmJ3kLs
GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAqHwe50Dsnv
No you're not!
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SHARON240Please respect copyright.PENANA7FMhBoAfef
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAyEAhdk4nVs
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANA8qFty0nUKB
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANA7EB9OgKdZk
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANA2mBd5wK1jR
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
240Please respect copyright.PENANATsNpz4Wnq6
240Please respect copyright.PENANAohl7aYN2oq
GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAIzqgNOjPfb
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
240Please respect copyright.PENANAfUGaZdAgIm
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAsG2IHKT7UA
What?
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAi5Swu15nbK
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANAjX4iha1DSk
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANA1vgfpwn8Me
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANA0nXRmRLMep
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANAdXjCRf5FYM
Long enough.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAff1yeQpU8L
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
240Please respect copyright.PENANAQAe69Y9NjG
240Please respect copyright.PENANAWHl9SnsAjO
HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANAovpQd5xna4
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANA9aucE08yTQ
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANAwVM2u9qO40
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAYiY4hrFN4S
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANAklySPZXBNu
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANA5dBkxK4tnX
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAyPMz1ZOuSi
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANArshaApBFLb
Well, if you insist.
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GREGORY takes the ring.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANADKcSAW70OT
Thank you.
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The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANATufCPX0jDM
Does this mean you want me back?
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HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANAWQ7QST5hKa
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
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GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANA3SanESsUQq
Well you can't have me.
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HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANAwdWd1iC7AQ
WHAT?
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANATnfcDFXKy0
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
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240Please respect copyright.PENANA0HjgUdWq4m
HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANAfWpqCfH0rf
But...
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANA71y7JJXbSh
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
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CHANTAL grins.
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HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANANRwimjV906
But...
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANACMy6PnhPLE
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
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HARRY240Please respect copyright.PENANA3vgpEPCzVz
Gregory?
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAHVq8Sgu9we
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
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HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANAK8hBFODQ6t
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
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GREGORY240Please respect copyright.PENANAKjkSs6FzaQ
Of course you are!
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The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
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CHANTAL240Please respect copyright.PENANACYsWZy2TSz
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
240Please respect copyright.PENANAXpPaekThtI
240Please respect copyright.PENANAaBFuah0PW5
THE END
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