INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9mdMbs3mj
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeAmktLmMg
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1QS9aZHaO
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFS48jbf0oA
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3toAGo2IzB
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJU2qkh9Z1u
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefMg6LzLfl
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcatBM0GeV
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUieGeiEbu
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHyR56Cdrl
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREjArtVCLN
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16rgQz0Heu
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMj4m5dfrL
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQn1bbwSUg
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOB5R8grMa
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGFL0SWCoT
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vHg7c5Jq9
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjI9dcr4Un
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TFf4gMe0a
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ymgIUisDd
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaNtfAnUxP
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzqlVUXO4i
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtJD15aMtJ
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEr31CI7rCk
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0fJxYtO7J
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVA5SBaojn
You've met?
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pECgtGZ4d
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaDW50L7fX
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPNeEkM6BT
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsHblDzUJ5
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxgTMapucR
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2x6ptltmD
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5ciQ8vk8v
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtk3MJlrT0
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsUaPTl6Kg
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx32R0JaYqr
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrph7YmM38z
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfr4LniUpT
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8UBSy1JCd
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI23twQWWGG
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA08EJ4jJXE
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TF0iffKK6
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8MSbJ8d2i
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qObbfzq11
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfFRTWJpMd
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzx2lkNUD9S
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6iAMNv3Bk
I know that already!
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHNBcblVhE
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TjO8SxRZv
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPwcuqLAWb
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPvLKbeVoz
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGrAvfoEIu
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TNCB2IAut
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlWItoMs1k
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlJiCL8Rbk
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RROxUcKjQ
No you're not!
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SHARON189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjvhVYWkYR
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLS6H4ghIP
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kPM0nN2rb
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VdUP2C45Z
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgdKe7Ewsg
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ493fLBaqSV
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2JyRXFqV7
What?
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RghnzEA9g
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcLwRdusfi
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8MKIvauUY
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kKQndQtNt
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh85SJ1MClF
Long enough.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGQOBQPlTb
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn00fIDKhXE
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsBFqNi9PS
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvvoxIDj9R
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEz5BI4OQ03
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0NttEr2Le
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKgOavz92T
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYcxKyRgjy
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrV3iN4sTv3
Well, if you insist.
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQWa8JUpIx
GREGORY takes the ring.
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYa00EDLrU6
GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yKB7CQNuj
Thank you.
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKJQ8a0Kx4
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIjMtuFdMo
GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTfHs3y6e3
Does this mean you want me back?
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9qEBHuxAj
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzTZOlyH5J
HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GK9fKQeQc
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSntO8I5XI
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclVABKJOfw
GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡussP14i8eg
Well you can't have me.
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6mE5gsZv4
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JcVwpNvPn
HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHfl7xT4o9
WHAT?
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmGv4puXuG
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxUZZA92M8
GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYq3T0Mxj2
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PCTS1cuDt
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gmRHAB344
HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yZEPQ35ra
But...
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGiGHEvPC8
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXjUmEAccW
GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DKHONUUW3
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhceRtCiib
CHANTAL grins.
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DTN06xoiW
HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNoe9IRYLj
But...
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfkdTNiAEs
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjffCdWC2CW
CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryNnrjixQl
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEL6gZmV9Yx
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgCamTpNMU
HARRY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBwAQoTMqR
Gregory?
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sv6loAT9A
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4amoHcjBj
GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoysW4o9mN
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4KlXDAHBD
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MitHrokPP
CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESCddbyyUV
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIq3CXusGdg
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDRGZsNa5o
GREGORY189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREYP97cl3h
Of course you are!
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5riNyPGGwz
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTpvl688CS
CHANTAL189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqXoX2fuvD
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdl841mqzz
189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1J3wQkY3f
THE END
ns3.145.156.55da2
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