Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqNo9sVP5w
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXQfRqurKM
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPrgxFXVmq
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDHR1WhKTh
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSu94c8n6N
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfupYN65QoY
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7Vd40cGzJ
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dkLi3wop1
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsiH7VVbeS
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3FckdYcaY
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPynqu9f2v9
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiR6CCKKuf
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tPdvViMfX
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkx2x5XOrQq
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3yooRl52L
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8bsI1b5ux
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGkSZvKEYU
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*•*•*•*903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aDkoWUdSj
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcOCwuc3Sm
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIaNWpzC3O
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgs297NbrV
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFVbUOQzyc
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWq1taUBwpS
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIYJSew5d0
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQc8v9ZJsSP
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpTWxlwzoh
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFs5tfdOJpP
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6GTiqMuiM
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWpe722TQn
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"It won't be painful—"903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXzYSywpTv
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8J5pE5WFXE
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ifp4vIhL2
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vBT0dbLkZ
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayI3KQFtXd
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6D1MP7awQf
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAw70sfSu0
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeiICLi4cX
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpttkzPEC7F
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This is it.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25PM17tkPT
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfKpnu7jBF
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHd8nZsSeX2
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeIPfR9RoI
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnN3wkgcK8C
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I freeze.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4bMdkDzau
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Then I breathe.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywnMufJX7D
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObPGtGer3U
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5INYJY7ogW
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVaoJZqOZX
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5jwmAi2Oc
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MJBLJ6iaP
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Something isn't right.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJKcZHNOvf
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"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqNACtQQeL
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2Y6q4knjo
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vuhqyWD8t
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzPbAw0arH
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8GZjEKor9
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His lips twitch. 903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ250J7y8IkQ
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5FlhLsLVh
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3fkr9QaIx
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"Okay so what do I have?"903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72GytWEpoe
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUK54SBsmME
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