Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBGMHZjHbO
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kp1QpbVYe
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiN14ZqzY0
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzhYlhZoE3
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueC6TYbhj4
Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecjH5BWOLM
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NuoUOFTw0
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMBTPCuOsE
It's what's inside of me that's the problem.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvfIqez7iR
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51uEq6VNEC
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpt6t68c1A
You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmT2a1MEve
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZOA6rlpaF
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKTUrXsPVB
Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQivNb38Gbl
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaGpWFhGeT
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1umIBXJc0
My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdFgto6JNl
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuG9WvbfHlw
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXqwDSzLDX
In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6g2wJ7v9W
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eRXYiiRNB
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpBq3pZjcq
I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFZrbWU0I3
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8SpqXxqaq
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2H3Il5rBY0
I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADm2ZRPm7b
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IUYplcjok
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTj7wzKV6D
"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7fBMQbvrK
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaPBGWMIVo
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFEk7Ta6Nj
In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXhRrNRlSc
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1e1QcIYoUE
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWJt4ZGtI5
"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwn7GdB0pOk
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhqgNXtCc2
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHxg3qHn5f
She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8w3BfbUIqX
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIB5MXhvoP4
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9GQwPy5CK
"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKi6yMbQWSi
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXLpIpubjI
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeu4Yh6SqMn
"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEy3xBL0gM
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnUWouRTDi
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeik6EyHfce
She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Fke8Yg4aS
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkljsupwLtN
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NsxH2IUtg
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIxVZRkG0s
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbQuqXMfMK
*•*•*•*796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlM3ktZlDHI
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrtSIOKWmz
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HIRSpoans
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMiKHN5h8l
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJURiWeEsh
I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mpbH6NBu1
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbCPUiGPiK
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwzt7frzJB
"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡis2CIZU1F3
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGrfwuLnuP
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf50d6hEB0t
"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXJBhE4aLd
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBOaSBjVuv
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmxeaIg7qE
"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd18Neynk6O
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgYzBz13no
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpy3pieTHpg
"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuXQV4jw3o
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtAq1OBZe3
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkYvamOpKJ
And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvK8tqEwoC
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlriSAquWdI
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNPURioJHk
"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAB5h2dBGUu
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6DRbHN1N7
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYRQ7CIwAO
He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfP48ASqkp
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKkbEHZc6x
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bXGBrAg0b
"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQ88d221HX
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhIYJ7eJUt
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6gZ3tphvM
All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cLsSATiSU
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3eKdMFlfm
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ235GD9WpNx
He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfLP3xn6aY
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvy0ZBpdyjx
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7OnKddOur
"It won't be painful—"796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUDwLOlimf
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2ng37YTOQ
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXz1J66XRnJ
"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwqYHgvGUg
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLsOMMmSvn
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoL2ynKeZci
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIP015v1LEI
I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNghG0BOxG
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlySQce4nUs
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWPxh0gAeT
He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp58eo0aOEL
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIfiosXkEk
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGnxDIoo7v
What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡME2kw0EJkF
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnJdAVpMxK
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMO2wyrUuQ
I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5WwiJsmS7
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTlFLc2XJ0
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9RwFzpdcw
He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfu6H0fEgU
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEWO9jcVw1
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSjwrzuWUE
However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJyW9QERTL
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolK6MUSxt8
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ43CuQCLU8
This is it.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMjz50eCfG
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1lWK344mA
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gXhdTdyT8
He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxZcU0anSD
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKU8xys9XXK
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNFkOypCWr
"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrFW0GLY4h
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrv4wXDNpq
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvMc1uuOYm
I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrovNb3SsI
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9zfhxrTgL
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5ZlsmJBxd
"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRcDAc5KBT
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWWNaQp3IL
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuLKNxLqkk
I freeze.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiV5r03Go9B
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWO9Af96v6S
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCcIzIMvuu
Then I breathe.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GVrFcOKNx
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtcp0weDEC
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFATgVGvQL
I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhTIRWDLWr
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8yaHDBgfm
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4B3MtfuhZ
However, as soon as that breath is released, I 796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KB96DlOfG
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ477whv2zQj
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8MzdTFuPz
1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaJsj8Sd6I
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgPlljDbi6
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tdMQxP5rf
2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUolTthnGtn
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIrNDiqW3l
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGW8dcHRTPi
3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpEheePZur
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1UjcropgF
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUujICSa9w
Something isn't right.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjtDivGF35
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8x91rYTDRL
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyyBtTeBoI
"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27cB6QNvs4
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4s3aKQ19H
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBulVVphFPO
He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lXSNJzB9g
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLfRaNWGCf
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPDcHONPGB
He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYF8CzbrwS
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdpxZFUddi
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxE33k5SZ7U
"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPWrswxOkR
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNHJ4VSXHn
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9qPgQXyb1
"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZvI09BAZT
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfDGtVPaJ9
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdG8st67w0
His lips twitch. 796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTdwzuFXrG
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTkKSHTW18
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPUqDaxs9K
"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjr4mBBlGzl
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyWZ0lGJcf
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDB31gOKtN2
Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQpX7TCYj0
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGrRa1r0HW
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznNVWFuMGc
"Okay so what do I have?"796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIogAOt6ZWe
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sf0dgWTNI
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KA8XQl7YM
"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9c9bB3YsQY
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYaVnFheDE
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXavyHpsoKZ
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjC1FQ5pepc
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhY1byCHFZM
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYdcMOsp6r
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxipS8qIZI
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEv6lPaxzJ
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