Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.796Please respect copyright.PENANAfBGMHZjHbO
796Please respect copyright.PENANA6kp1QpbVYe
796Please respect copyright.PENANAK8p2iPX88N
In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.796Please respect copyright.PENANAKiN14ZqzY0
796Please respect copyright.PENANApzhYlhZoE3
796Please respect copyright.PENANAueC6TYbhj4
Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.796Please respect copyright.PENANAecjH5BWOLM
796Please respect copyright.PENANA4NuoUOFTw0
796Please respect copyright.PENANAAMBTPCuOsE
It's what's inside of me that's the problem.796Please respect copyright.PENANAMvfIqez7iR
796Please respect copyright.PENANA51uEq6VNEC
796Please respect copyright.PENANAEpt6t68c1A
You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 796Please respect copyright.PENANAlmT2a1MEve
796Please respect copyright.PENANAmZOA6rlpaF
796Please respect copyright.PENANAiKTUrXsPVB
Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.796Please respect copyright.PENANAQivNb38Gbl
796Please respect copyright.PENANAjaGpWFhGeT
796Please respect copyright.PENANAA1umIBXJc0
My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.796Please respect copyright.PENANAGdFgto6JNl
796Please respect copyright.PENANAuG9WvbfHlw
796Please respect copyright.PENANAKXqwDSzLDX
In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 796Please respect copyright.PENANAW6g2wJ7v9W
796Please respect copyright.PENANA4eRXYiiRNB
796Please respect copyright.PENANARpBq3pZjcq
I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.796Please respect copyright.PENANAlFZrbWU0I3
796Please respect copyright.PENANAx8SpqXxqaq
796Please respect copyright.PENANA2H3Il5rBY0
I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.796Please respect copyright.PENANAADm2ZRPm7b
796Please respect copyright.PENANA1IUYplcjok
796Please respect copyright.PENANAYTj7wzKV6D
"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.796Please respect copyright.PENANAa7fBMQbvrK
796Please respect copyright.PENANARaPBGWMIVo
796Please respect copyright.PENANAuFEk7Ta6Nj
In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.796Please respect copyright.PENANALXhRrNRlSc
796Please respect copyright.PENANA1e1QcIYoUE
796Please respect copyright.PENANADWJt4ZGtI5
"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.796Please respect copyright.PENANAwn7GdB0pOk
796Please respect copyright.PENANAhhqgNXtCc2
796Please respect copyright.PENANAYHxg3qHn5f
She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.796Please respect copyright.PENANA8w3BfbUIqX
796Please respect copyright.PENANAIB5MXhvoP4
796Please respect copyright.PENANAm9GQwPy5CK
"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.796Please respect copyright.PENANAKi6yMbQWSi
796Please respect copyright.PENANAuXLpIpubjI
796Please respect copyright.PENANAeu4Yh6SqMn
"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.796Please respect copyright.PENANAAEy3xBL0gM
796Please respect copyright.PENANAwnUWouRTDi
796Please respect copyright.PENANAeik6EyHfce
She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.796Please respect copyright.PENANA3Fke8Yg4aS
796Please respect copyright.PENANAkljsupwLtN
796Please respect copyright.PENANA0NsxH2IUtg
796Please respect copyright.PENANAgIxVZRkG0s
796Please respect copyright.PENANACbQuqXMfMK
*•*•*•*796Please respect copyright.PENANAlM3ktZlDHI
796Please respect copyright.PENANAhrtSIOKWmz
796Please respect copyright.PENANA8HIRSpoans
796Please respect copyright.PENANAIMiKHN5h8l
796Please respect copyright.PENANAbJURiWeEsh
I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.796Please respect copyright.PENANA4mpbH6NBu1
796Please respect copyright.PENANAnbCPUiGPiK
796Please respect copyright.PENANAGwzt7frzJB
"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.796Please respect copyright.PENANAis2CIZU1F3
796Please respect copyright.PENANAIGrfwuLnuP
796Please respect copyright.PENANAf50d6hEB0t
"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.796Please respect copyright.PENANALXJBhE4aLd
796Please respect copyright.PENANAZBOaSBjVuv
796Please respect copyright.PENANAUmxeaIg7qE
"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."796Please respect copyright.PENANAd18Neynk6O
796Please respect copyright.PENANATgYzBz13no
796Please respect copyright.PENANApy3pieTHpg
"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.796Please respect copyright.PENANAzuXQV4jw3o
796Please respect copyright.PENANAjtAq1OBZe3
796Please respect copyright.PENANALkYvamOpKJ
And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.796Please respect copyright.PENANAPvK8tqEwoC
796Please respect copyright.PENANAlriSAquWdI
796Please respect copyright.PENANApNPURioJHk
"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.796Please respect copyright.PENANAAB5h2dBGUu
796Please respect copyright.PENANAD6DRbHN1N7
796Please respect copyright.PENANAAYRQ7CIwAO
He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.796Please respect copyright.PENANAOfP48ASqkp
796Please respect copyright.PENANAMKkbEHZc6x
796Please respect copyright.PENANA1bXGBrAg0b
"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."796Please respect copyright.PENANACQ88d221HX
796Please respect copyright.PENANAMhIYJ7eJUt
796Please respect copyright.PENANAZ6gZ3tphvM
All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.796Please respect copyright.PENANA6cLsSATiSU
796Please respect copyright.PENANAd3eKdMFlfm
796Please respect copyright.PENANA235GD9WpNx
He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.796Please respect copyright.PENANAJfLP3xn6aY
796Please respect copyright.PENANAvy0ZBpdyjx
796Please respect copyright.PENANAq7OnKddOur
"It won't be painful—"796Please respect copyright.PENANAgUDwLOlimf
796Please respect copyright.PENANAv2ng37YTOQ
796Please respect copyright.PENANAXz1J66XRnJ
"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"796Please respect copyright.PENANAXwqYHgvGUg
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.796Please respect copyright.PENANAWLsOMMmSvn
796Please respect copyright.PENANAoL2ynKeZci
796Please respect copyright.PENANAIP015v1LEI
I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).796Please respect copyright.PENANAhNghG0BOxG
796Please respect copyright.PENANAlySQce4nUs
796Please respect copyright.PENANApWPxh0gAeT
He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.796Please respect copyright.PENANAp58eo0aOEL
796Please respect copyright.PENANANIfiosXkEk
796Please respect copyright.PENANAxGnxDIoo7v
What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 796Please respect copyright.PENANAME2kw0EJkF
796Please respect copyright.PENANALnJdAVpMxK
796Please respect copyright.PENANAqMO2wyrUuQ
I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.796Please respect copyright.PENANAl5WwiJsmS7
796Please respect copyright.PENANAcTlFLc2XJ0
796Please respect copyright.PENANAD9RwFzpdcw
He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.796Please respect copyright.PENANAYfu6H0fEgU
796Please respect copyright.PENANAUEWO9jcVw1
796Please respect copyright.PENANAWSjwrzuWUE
However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.796Please respect copyright.PENANAsJyW9QERTL
796Please respect copyright.PENANAolK6MUSxt8
796Please respect copyright.PENANAJ43CuQCLU8
This is it.796Please respect copyright.PENANAUMjz50eCfG
796Please respect copyright.PENANAi1lWK344mA
796Please respect copyright.PENANA4gXhdTdyT8
He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.796Please respect copyright.PENANAsxZcU0anSD
796Please respect copyright.PENANAKU8xys9XXK
796Please respect copyright.PENANATNFkOypCWr
"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.796Please respect copyright.PENANAyrFW0GLY4h
796Please respect copyright.PENANAJrv4wXDNpq
796Please respect copyright.PENANApvMc1uuOYm
I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.796Please respect copyright.PENANARrovNb3SsI
796Please respect copyright.PENANAF9zfhxrTgL
796Please respect copyright.PENANAO5ZlsmJBxd
"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.796Please respect copyright.PENANAqRcDAc5KBT
796Please respect copyright.PENANAhWWNaQp3IL
796Please respect copyright.PENANAJuLKNxLqkk
I freeze.796Please respect copyright.PENANAiV5r03Go9B
796Please respect copyright.PENANAWO9Af96v6S
796Please respect copyright.PENANAeCcIzIMvuu
Then I breathe.796Please respect copyright.PENANA2GVrFcOKNx
796Please respect copyright.PENANAEtcp0weDEC
796Please respect copyright.PENANAuFATgVGvQL
I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.796Please respect copyright.PENANAQhTIRWDLWr
796Please respect copyright.PENANAK8yaHDBgfm
796Please respect copyright.PENANAk4B3MtfuhZ
However, as soon as that breath is released, I 796Please respect copyright.PENANA8KB96DlOfG
796Please respect copyright.PENANA477whv2zQj
796Please respect copyright.PENANAy8MzdTFuPz
1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 796Please respect copyright.PENANAZaJsj8Sd6I
796Please respect copyright.PENANAzgPlljDbi6
796Please respect copyright.PENANA7tdMQxP5rf
2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and796Please respect copyright.PENANAUolTthnGtn
796Please respect copyright.PENANAqIrNDiqW3l
796Please respect copyright.PENANAGW8dcHRTPi
3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.796Please respect copyright.PENANAzpEheePZur
796Please respect copyright.PENANAk1UjcropgF
796Please respect copyright.PENANAcUujICSa9w
Something isn't right.796Please respect copyright.PENANALjtDivGF35
796Please respect copyright.PENANA8x91rYTDRL
796Please respect copyright.PENANAWyyBtTeBoI
"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.796Please respect copyright.PENANA27cB6QNvs4
796Please respect copyright.PENANAI4s3aKQ19H
796Please respect copyright.PENANABulVVphFPO
He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.796Please respect copyright.PENANA8lXSNJzB9g
796Please respect copyright.PENANAvLfRaNWGCf
796Please respect copyright.PENANAHPDcHONPGB
He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.796Please respect copyright.PENANAuYF8CzbrwS
796Please respect copyright.PENANAZdpxZFUddi
796Please respect copyright.PENANAxE33k5SZ7U
"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."796Please respect copyright.PENANAxPWrswxOkR
796Please respect copyright.PENANAbNHJ4VSXHn
796Please respect copyright.PENANAv9qPgQXyb1
"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.796Please respect copyright.PENANADZvI09BAZT
796Please respect copyright.PENANALfDGtVPaJ9
796Please respect copyright.PENANABdG8st67w0
His lips twitch. 796Please respect copyright.PENANAjTdwzuFXrG
796Please respect copyright.PENANALTkKSHTW18
796Please respect copyright.PENANAvPUqDaxs9K
"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."796Please respect copyright.PENANAjr4mBBlGzl
796Please respect copyright.PENANAxyWZ0lGJcf
796Please respect copyright.PENANADB31gOKtN2
Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.796Please respect copyright.PENANAfQpX7TCYj0
796Please respect copyright.PENANAKGrRa1r0HW
796Please respect copyright.PENANAznNVWFuMGc
"Okay so what do I have?"796Please respect copyright.PENANAIogAOt6ZWe
796Please respect copyright.PENANA3sf0dgWTNI
796Please respect copyright.PENANA6KA8XQl7YM
"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."796Please respect copyright.PENANA9c9bB3YsQY
796Please respect copyright.PENANAAYaVnFheDE
796Please respect copyright.PENANAXavyHpsoKZ
796Please respect copyright.PENANAjC1FQ5pepc
796Please respect copyright.PENANAhY1byCHFZM
796Please respect copyright.PENANAsYdcMOsp6r
796Please respect copyright.PENANAfxipS8qIZI
796Please respect copyright.PENANAYEv6lPaxzJ