No Plagiarism!ZELfVV1m0Ik3w3bhzj6aposted on PENANA 【評文表單】507Please respect copyright.PENANAbnlfipe8fS
8964 copyright protection503PENANAZMvkcSi3DR 維尼
筆名:荷糖月色8964 copyright protection503PENANA9bLneYzXL2 維尼
書名:師尊他在劫難逃(POPO有喔,大家喜歡可以去看!)8964 copyright protection503PENANAx9n2M1cnXy 維尼
類型:古風仙俠耽美8964 copyright protection503PENANA5IEM57CXQa 維尼
寫這本書的目的:連載小說8964 copyright protection503PENANAkTnCGvQFBe 維尼
目標觀眾:喜歡師尊受類型的觀眾8964 copyright protection503PENANAwPZwkpjQQu 維尼
一句話點出主旨:徒弟與師尊的風花雪月8964 copyright protection503PENANAlFB9vdKlI7 維尼
大綱:X8964 copyright protection503PENANAeHXGLV9URC 維尼
期望評論時多加注意的部分:劇情的結構;讀者閱讀感受8964 copyright protection503PENANAq1KAxPgTxe 維尼
其餘備註:無8964 copyright protection503PENANAarc1n9NZEa 維尼
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文章連結:8964 copyright protection503PENANAhdCHD5DAnO 維尼
https://www.popo.tw/books/7903078964 copyright protection503PENANAseqLve6HOY 維尼
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【心得】507Please respect copyright.PENANA2PExlX5O2s
8964 copyright protection503PENANAilu3rrd5Qd 維尼
507Please respect copyright.PENANAPv2WkunBOh
8964 copyright protection503PENANAecVv8gEcD5 維尼
一部趣味、讓腐女看了會瘋狂姨母笑的小說!8964 copyright protection503PENANA86GNzEyTzY 維尼
507Please respect copyright.PENANAb3bMBfYfUF
8964 copyright protection503PENANACnaGFQBMND 維尼
這是一本中國風格的修仙連載網路小說。對阿洛來說,如果節奏再緊湊,很可能會有上榜或出書的機會!8964 copyright protection503PENANAoBI9IiHQuD 維尼
507Please respect copyright.PENANAqg223cQ2VG
8964 copyright protection503PENANAuv8CgmmVaP 維尼
故事一開始,魔族滅門某門派,師尊(受)因來晚了而自責不已,努力尋找生還的跡象,就在絕望之時,聽到岩壁中發出聲響,沒想到存活之人竟是魔族用盡氣力存活的化生!8964 copyright protection503PENANAt19AEk7MPA 維尼
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受絲毫察覺不到異狀,甚至將自己的仙丹剖一半給魔族(攻)。冷血的攻遭世人背叛,早已對世界心死,沒想到世界上竟還有一名如此心胸寬大之人!魔族鐵鑄的心頓時動搖了。究竟這些複雜交錯的情感會產生什麼故事呢?阿洛也很想看下去!8964 copyright protection503PENANAe9eMPHavRg 維尼
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雖然作者說他的設定都是套路,但對阿洛來說非常新奇!光是角色背景設定的部分,就已經擦撞出許多「衝突點」了!8964 copyright protection503PENANAA14KhI0feh 維尼
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【亮點】8964 copyright protection503PENANAL7Y4IYpUSc 維尼
507Please respect copyright.PENANAAMngbYnzPS
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荷糖月色流暢的文筆,即便是不常看古風的阿洛,讀起來也完全沒有不適感或生硬感。相反地,字句非常流暢,會讓人一直想看下去(這邊單指文筆,不指劇情,請繼續閱讀)。8964 copyright protection503PENANAq5Di1k7Ivm 維尼
507Please respect copyright.PENANAuIPkuLLCbc
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角色刻劃十分鮮明,不論是心懷天下的受、情感糾雜多變的攻,還是千萬別得罪的配角醫修,都有相當鮮明的「記憶點」。讓人第一眼就能記得這個角色的特徵、個性。8964 copyright protection503PENANAhBPuBnvcK0 維尼
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8964 copyright protection503PENANAolp6YcG9n6 維尼
沒錯,這是每個作者都應該努力的方向!8964 copyright protection503PENANAZiau0tUGVq 維尼
507Please respect copyright.PENANAXUt8EagMCi
8964 copyright protection503PENANAUiy5lLOBYB 維尼
關於info dump,中文翻作什麼阿洛忘記了,大概就是指一次將許多資訊硬塞給讀者。阿洛看得出來這本書有許多的info dump,但很奇妙的是,並不會影響到阿洛閱讀耶!而且,作者採用的是大量的倒敘法,依然沒有給人資訊爆炸的感覺。8964 copyright protection503PENANAWcE9QUSreM 維尼
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這給了我們一個啟發:info dump是可以的,前提是「在讀者需要的時候才給他們資訊。」8964 copyright protection503PENANAumgjlQE0c3 維尼
507Please respect copyright.PENANAKlK73cW06u
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這很重要,因為info是無可避免的,作者們能做的就是盡量減少讓讀者跳脫沉浸在閱讀中的情況。8964 copyright protection503PENANAYK8B8DPBUo 維尼
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【缺點與建議】8964 copyright protection503PENANAejzzdi8sTn 維尼
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亮點第一段所提的「會一直想看下去」,單指文筆,不指劇情。文筆真的流暢到不可言喻,但劇情上沒有「推進」。劇情感覺像一攤死水,總是在一個高點上。例如,師尊總是身體嬴弱的樣子。劇情就像一條繃緊的橡皮筋,繃到極限,反而沒有張力,甚至讓人感到疲乏。8964 copyright protection503PENANAoqMrH82Bke 維尼
507Please respect copyright.PENANAcCBDrZQTWC
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我們說劇情要有起承轉合,這樣讀者才會有喘息的空間。8964 copyright protection503PENANATgMMBZMRks 維尼
507Please respect copyright.PENANALvv3AYcCm4
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這可能跟作者每次寫文都是即興寫有關。因為作者每次寫一個新篇章,都是一個新的開始;但沒有意識到對喜歡一次看完的讀者來說,故事一直在最緊繃的位置,每一次的閱讀都是一樣的張力,到最後反而缺乏效果。8964 copyright protection503PENANA0JLNX9KeVQ 維尼
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關於info dump:info dump是亮點也是缺點。info插入得太直接。若不是熟練的作者,採用倒敘法可能會很生硬,直接讓人棄書。可是我們卻隨著荷糖月色流暢的文筆一同歷險。8964 copyright protection503PENANA6R6t85Phlc 維尼
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不過穿插資訊可能是中國網路小說的特色?不知道,這邊阿洛只能說,在info dump方面,作者雖然沒有花心思藏起來,至少讓人閱讀經驗很愉快。8964 copyright protection503PENANAbRqBMuTPlj 維尼
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【總結】8964 copyright protection503PENANAEZzGzWcfYk 維尼
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跟作者討論了一下,他說下一本書要寫細綱及寫完整本才開始連載。很好的決定,因為連載會有趕稿壓力,很常讓作者無法好好地修飾或回頭檢查。8964 copyright protection503PENANAEkTC6w12DG 維尼
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整體來說,這是一部還不錯的作品,設定深刻有趣,角色刻劃鮮明。8964 copyright protection503PENANATDQt5kPSzF 維尼
507Please respect copyright.PENANAkDOnrbqcf1
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阿洛將連結放在本書開頭了,喜歡古風耽美修仙的讀者們可以去瞧瞧!8964 copyright protection503PENANApkVDuNtzu2 維尼
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希望在創作的路上我們越來越好!8964 copyright protection503PENANAcvc1C1YeNI 維尼
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如果覺得這篇文章有用,歡迎訂閱追蹤收藏!阿洛在各大網站都會定期更新。8964 copyright protection503PENANAYg9TaNcDft 維尼
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FB / IG / 個人網站 / 所有網站傳送門8964 copyright protection503PENANAwfPMRdJq7p 維尼
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歡迎留言跟我分享今天你學到了什麼!8964 copyright protection503PENANAKr0j7eS9rg 維尼
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我是Lorien 阿洛,分享各種文字創作,我們下回見!8964 copyright protection503PENANALKYb3MUy4J 維尼
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FIN.8964 copyright protection503PENANAyYWzrkfkSV 維尼
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